Friday, June 29, 2012
friday links!
This is a lovely quote that fits perfectly with Wednesday's post.
Fantastic look at the cycle of self-shame and self-care. Woo, have I been there.
A great reminder that with the 40th anniversary of Title IX, not all problems for women and girls in sports were magically solved by that piece of legislation (also, secret confession: does anyone struggle with Roman numerals, or is that just a me thing?)
The Jezebel 25--future goal is to make this list one day :)
Crazy Cosmo sex tips.
"She's just jealous." Constantly used to make women into petty bitches and to excuse bad behavior. Good ish.
Enjoy your weekend!
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow on Twitter @ff_sheriff
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
weight/obesity/color: can we talk about it? should we?
You'd have to be nearly illiterate not to know that we've got an epidemic on our hands. A big, fat epidemic.
The statistics are frightening: according to the CDC, about 1 in 3 of us is obese, and another 1 in 3 are overweight, making America a nation of people overwhelmingly struggling with those extra pounds. And nearly everywhere we look, there are articles, headlines, and public service announcements about these facts and the things we can do to tackle them. I hear a public service announcement regularly on the local Philly hip-hop station about 25 small things you can do to be more fit. The information about how devastating this is for America, both in terms of health and finances, is all around us. And I think it is something that we need to discuss real solutions for, especially for our children, because diabetes and high blood pressure are no joke.
But talking about it as individuals and how to tackle it is somehow harder/more awkward, especially if we are addressing it across racial communities.
Marvel and I were having a conversation recently after I read this article from the opinion section of the New York Times entitled "Why Black Women Are Fat." It spits the absolutely alarming statistic that 4 out of 5 black women are "seriously overweight" (not sure if this is a euphemism for obese or just a term that Alice Randall is using here to indicate the severity of the situation). Randall also makes the claim that "many black women are fat because we want to be." She notes, as I've stated before from my observations in the urban classroom and living in Philly, that curves (particularly of the variety that people write songs about in an array of genres, such as "Baby Got Back" and "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk") are necessary to black beauty. While black fat and white fat can cause diseases in just the same way, one of them is culturally prized while the other is culturally reviled.
She also tackles the fact that black fat bodies can be a site of cultural resistance to white standards, a nice and silent "fuck you" to the man. And yet, Randall still concludes that black families need to change their culture around food and exercise, both to save themselves and also to save our country money we are using for healthcare to treat the effects of obesity, money that could be better applied to struggling schools and communities.
One question that has come out of discussing this with Marvel and wrestling over it in my mind: as a white woman, raised very much in an environment and in a household that praised thin bodies and
slender physiques as "healthy," do I have a right to bring up the discussion of obesity in the black community? Or am I implicitly saying that white beauty trumps black beauty?
Marvel has raised the point that heart disease (often a result of obesity) is more linked to poverty than to ANY other risk factor (including diet, exercise, and smoking). So in addressing the effects of obesity on our country in terms of health and stressing out the healthcare system, we might do better to also pay attention to the effects of long-term poverty on our population instead of ignoring it and blaming people for their choices as if they happen in a vacuum. Having lived very briefly in an economically distressed area of North Philadelphia, I can attest to the fact that food deserts are very real. There are few choices for decent grocery stores providing fresh produce at affordable prices or gyms in places where people are often without transportation or access to resources. Sure, you could go for a nice jog outside, but it's hard to do that if you live in a dangerous neighborhood with crumbling sidewalks.
In this conversation, I'm not endorsing white beauty as better. Can the white standard of beauty contribute to the development of healthy habits? Sure. If the pursuit of a flatter stomach means you're doing cardio three times a week and shying away from fast food, that's certainly better for your health than not doing those things. White beauty can also lead to incredibly unhealthy habits, as I've experienced myself through nine years of anorexia, bulimia, and over-exercising. But it's tricky to endorse aspects of the white beauty standard without implying that other standards are less than or unhealthy or lacking somehow.
At the core of it, all beauty standards could use the addition of this to them: healthy. Natural. Not contrived or dangerous or exaggerated or extreme.
What say you? Can we talk about obesity, especially across racial communities, without shaming or criticizing? Do we even need to talk about it?
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow on Twitter @ff_sheriff
The statistics are frightening: according to the CDC, about 1 in 3 of us is obese, and another 1 in 3 are overweight, making America a nation of people overwhelmingly struggling with those extra pounds. And nearly everywhere we look, there are articles, headlines, and public service announcements about these facts and the things we can do to tackle them. I hear a public service announcement regularly on the local Philly hip-hop station about 25 small things you can do to be more fit. The information about how devastating this is for America, both in terms of health and finances, is all around us. And I think it is something that we need to discuss real solutions for, especially for our children, because diabetes and high blood pressure are no joke.
But talking about it as individuals and how to tackle it is somehow harder/more awkward, especially if we are addressing it across racial communities.
Marvel and I were having a conversation recently after I read this article from the opinion section of the New York Times entitled "Why Black Women Are Fat." It spits the absolutely alarming statistic that 4 out of 5 black women are "seriously overweight" (not sure if this is a euphemism for obese or just a term that Alice Randall is using here to indicate the severity of the situation). Randall also makes the claim that "many black women are fat because we want to be." She notes, as I've stated before from my observations in the urban classroom and living in Philly, that curves (particularly of the variety that people write songs about in an array of genres, such as "Baby Got Back" and "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk") are necessary to black beauty. While black fat and white fat can cause diseases in just the same way, one of them is culturally prized while the other is culturally reviled.
![]() |
| how black women feel about fat thighs (I can only assume Minaj speaks for everyone) |
![]() |
| how white women feel about fat thighs |
She also tackles the fact that black fat bodies can be a site of cultural resistance to white standards, a nice and silent "fuck you" to the man. And yet, Randall still concludes that black families need to change their culture around food and exercise, both to save themselves and also to save our country money we are using for healthcare to treat the effects of obesity, money that could be better applied to struggling schools and communities.
One question that has come out of discussing this with Marvel and wrestling over it in my mind: as a white woman, raised very much in an environment and in a household that praised thin bodies and
slender physiques as "healthy," do I have a right to bring up the discussion of obesity in the black community? Or am I implicitly saying that white beauty trumps black beauty?
Marvel has raised the point that heart disease (often a result of obesity) is more linked to poverty than to ANY other risk factor (including diet, exercise, and smoking). So in addressing the effects of obesity on our country in terms of health and stressing out the healthcare system, we might do better to also pay attention to the effects of long-term poverty on our population instead of ignoring it and blaming people for their choices as if they happen in a vacuum. Having lived very briefly in an economically distressed area of North Philadelphia, I can attest to the fact that food deserts are very real. There are few choices for decent grocery stores providing fresh produce at affordable prices or gyms in places where people are often without transportation or access to resources. Sure, you could go for a nice jog outside, but it's hard to do that if you live in a dangerous neighborhood with crumbling sidewalks.
In this conversation, I'm not endorsing white beauty as better. Can the white standard of beauty contribute to the development of healthy habits? Sure. If the pursuit of a flatter stomach means you're doing cardio three times a week and shying away from fast food, that's certainly better for your health than not doing those things. White beauty can also lead to incredibly unhealthy habits, as I've experienced myself through nine years of anorexia, bulimia, and over-exercising. But it's tricky to endorse aspects of the white beauty standard without implying that other standards are less than or unhealthy or lacking somehow.
At the core of it, all beauty standards could use the addition of this to them: healthy. Natural. Not contrived or dangerous or exaggerated or extreme.
What say you? Can we talk about obesity, especially across racial communities, without shaming or criticizing? Do we even need to talk about it?
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow on Twitter @ff_sheriff
Monday, June 25, 2012
spitting: sexy, gross, degrading?
Hey ya'll,
So the Sheriff has had a new man since January. He is a smart, deeply progressive, sweet man in touch with his emotions (but not, as I'm sure he would assure you, in a way that makes you question his preferences). Marvel is a great fit for me, and we have had some legendary intimate moments.
But sometimes we have some that are less...delightful. Including an incident involving spitting.
Being an assman, we are often in some variation on doggy style, and happened to be there one night when he realized I needed some more lubrication to keep the fun going. His solution? To spit on me. Of course, his spit did not land on its intended target, but instead right on my asshole, swiftly ruining the evening for both of us.
I know there are many people who find the act of spitting during sex to be practical: if something needs more lube, and your mouth makes natural lube, why not? Easy solution. Others, I'm sure, find spitting to be sexy in some sort of primal way.
I ain't one of them.
For me, it is primarily a distraction. There is nothing about that happening that fits well into the rhythm of sex most of the time, and when it comes as a surprise, it is even more distracting.
Then of course, there's that pesky feminist side of me that just doesn't like anyone, male or female, spitting on me and my ladyparts. I don't know that I consciously find it degrading so much as I just find it a little bit off-putting and gross.
But what say you, dear readers? Is spitting sexy, nasty, or just downright degrading? Does it matter who spits on who?
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow on Twitter @ff_sheriff
So the Sheriff has had a new man since January. He is a smart, deeply progressive, sweet man in touch with his emotions (but not, as I'm sure he would assure you, in a way that makes you question his preferences). Marvel is a great fit for me, and we have had some legendary intimate moments.
But sometimes we have some that are less...delightful. Including an incident involving spitting.
Being an assman, we are often in some variation on doggy style, and happened to be there one night when he realized I needed some more lubrication to keep the fun going. His solution? To spit on me. Of course, his spit did not land on its intended target, but instead right on my asshole, swiftly ruining the evening for both of us.
I know there are many people who find the act of spitting during sex to be practical: if something needs more lube, and your mouth makes natural lube, why not? Easy solution. Others, I'm sure, find spitting to be sexy in some sort of primal way.
I ain't one of them.
For me, it is primarily a distraction. There is nothing about that happening that fits well into the rhythm of sex most of the time, and when it comes as a surprise, it is even more distracting.
Then of course, there's that pesky feminist side of me that just doesn't like anyone, male or female, spitting on me and my ladyparts. I don't know that I consciously find it degrading so much as I just find it a little bit off-putting and gross.
But what say you, dear readers? Is spitting sexy, nasty, or just downright degrading? Does it matter who spits on who?
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow on Twitter @ff_sheriff
Sunday, June 24, 2012
sorry for the hiatus/hello summer!
Hello lovely blog readers!
Good lord, it's been a minute since I've had a real post in here. What a shame. Living in this absurdly fast-paced world really encourages the loss of hobbies, personality, and enjoyment.
But! I am back. Now on summer break from my Real Job, the hope is that I'll have the time and energy to get back to being a person with (sometimes) interesting opinions and the ability to write about them.
Personal update aside, I've missed you all immensely, and am excited to be back! I have a feeling that the style of the blog will be a bit different: I'm older (all of 23, and with the wrinkles to show for it), and have been conditioned to cuss a little bit less from working so much with kids (who will indeed judge every damn word that comes out of your mouth). But the opinions and questioning and feminism and sex will most definitely continue.
The blog, for now, shall remain private. Unless I can find a way to reconcile blogging about sex with my job (any advice, please let me know!).
FYI, if you want to spread the word so people can read this super exclusive and private blog, there is a universal sign-in that can be used to everyone can read it (yay!). Feel free to share this info as you wish!
Username: reader.ff@gmail.com
Password: fornicating
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow The Sheriff on twitter @ff_sheriff!
Good lord, it's been a minute since I've had a real post in here. What a shame. Living in this absurdly fast-paced world really encourages the loss of hobbies, personality, and enjoyment.
But! I am back. Now on summer break from my Real Job, the hope is that I'll have the time and energy to get back to being a person with (sometimes) interesting opinions and the ability to write about them.
Personal update aside, I've missed you all immensely, and am excited to be back! I have a feeling that the style of the blog will be a bit different: I'm older (all of 23, and with the wrinkles to show for it), and have been conditioned to cuss a little bit less from working so much with kids (who will indeed judge every damn word that comes out of your mouth). But the opinions and questioning and feminism and sex will most definitely continue.
The blog, for now, shall remain private. Unless I can find a way to reconcile blogging about sex with my job (any advice, please let me know!).
FYI, if you want to spread the word so people can read this super exclusive and private blog, there is a universal sign-in that can be used to everyone can read it (yay!). Feel free to share this info as you wish!
Username: reader.ff@gmail.com
Password: fornicating
Much love,
The Sheriff
PS--follow The Sheriff on twitter @ff_sheriff!
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