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I am 17 years old, a senior in high school and a future Smithie/Pioneer. I plan to major in biology and math and do pre-med. The passion I have for biology sciences is something that is close to my heart. I have a special relationship with it as it what drives me to keep going. I want to achieve a lot in my life, not only for myself, but to show the world that women are capable of being in a field that is so blatantly discouraged for them to participate in. Since my summer before junior year of high school I have been participating in science/biology research programs. I did the Smith Science program for high school students where I met the wonderful Sheriff and was exposed to a whole other world. All the women there had a passion for whatever they were doing and pursued their interests without ever holding back.
After the program and getting to work with a Smith professor after that, I registered out of the Advanced Chemistry I was placed in and opted to do an independent study in biology. The Chemistry was going to prepare me better for the harsh rigor of the pre-med curriculum but biology is what makes me happy. I enjoyed sitting in my junior year advanced biology class every day. I asked my advanced biology teacher to be my independent study teacher/mentor as it was his passion for the subject that inspired me so much. We are working with a Smith professor who has been an immense help to me. On top of my independent study which requires me to be in lab every two Saturdays (which I actually love), I have embarked on the adventure of being a global scholar, which requires me to write a thesis type paper with a mentor (40 pages wahoo!). My mentor is a professor from IUPUI and again has been an amazing resource and wonderful person to me. All the people involved in my project are males in their 50s-60s. They are so caring, full of knowledge and they treat me like a peer. No more, no less. The respect my thoughts and allow me to problem solve for myself. I have never felt like I have been treated in an odd or unsatisfying way by these men. This is such a relief in the sciences compared to what women had to go through even just 20 years ago.
As I am doing my lab research, meeting lots of people and networking about the things I am doing, I can't help but notice how under-represented women are in the science field. It is crazy. Whenever I have to go to lab, I find myself taking the bright pink nail polish off of my fingers, cutting my nails, putting my hair back in a ponytail and clipping my bangs away, scared to put on eyeliner because I don't want to look like a fool. I also only wear simple t-shirts and jeans. I take off all of my jewelry except for the ring that has been on my finger since I was 13. Is this my lack of confidence to express myself in the field I love so dearly or is it trying to be professional? Is there a message that is ingrained in the female mind that even having a slightly feminine touch to the sciences will affect my reputation? Although I have been told that I am "bold, colorful, and intelligent" by the men in this profession, why can't I express this in the way I look or the way that I dress? Why does professionalism equate to looking less feminine? I was reading in Cosmo magazine that women should try to go for neutral color nail polishes for a job interview because brighter colors give off the impression of being unprofessional. But how does the color of my nails affect my mind and the type of work I am able to produce?
However, the most appalling thing I have heard is when I was in an operating room shadowing a cardiac surgeon and I was standing where the anesthesiologist stands, at the head of the table. The surgeon told me I could ask him whatever questions I wanted to. My first question was why are women under represented in the cardiothoracic surgery field. He proceeded to tell me that there are about 10,000 cardiothoracic surgeons out of which about 100 are women. That is 1%. He said this was because it was a demanding field with long hours and women had to choose between having a family and having a successful career. Excuse my language, but WHAT THE FUCK. Yes, women have the wonderful capacity to have children something that males simply do not possess but it is so sad that a choice needs to be made. That honestly made my heart ache (no pun intended). I couldn’t wrap my head around having to choose between a career and a family, and I still can’t.
I am young and still trying to figure out who I am and although I have a general sense of who I am and the type of person I want to be, there is a lot of self learning still has to occur. These are the prominent issues I see in my society and these are the things I am trying to figure out. Any feedback would be awesome.
--Dr. Kinky
Kudos for your thoughtful and honest post... The fact that you're 17 and have already noticed these things about the world you live in is so awesome! I had to spend a couple years at Smith before it all kind of settled into my brain (probably thanks in part to my mostly-male group of friends in high school). :P So in that I congratulate you. As for advice/thoughts/whatever, you definitely have a good head start on helping make the "women + science" equation equal awesome. You already know there's a huge disparity between the sexes in your field, and you understand that you yourself have some hang-ups that make you act differently. However, these are tools, weapons even, that you can use to your benefit and the benefit of the ladies who will follow you. I'd say ask around, find some people who know what you're going through and who can help support you. A quick Google search turned up the Association for Women in Science (http://www.awis.org/). I'm sure there are more out there, too. I'd say just shop around, and it doesn't have to be a certified "association", maybe just a group of fellow science majors, and create a safe space for each other to express concerns and come to terms with the issues you face.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck! We look forward to hearing more from you! :)
<3
When I was your age, I couldn't understand why one had to choose between career and family either, but it *IS* a reality. If you decide to have children, you're going to need to find someone to take care of them. If you're married, you might be able to convince your spouse to stay home or work from home (which might be a reality by the time you finish med school and have kids), but that can't always happen - especially if you marry a doctor. Who else will be taking care of your children, otherwise? Most childcare facilities only operate during "regular business hours" but surgery can be scheduled any time, which means that you could be at the hospital at 9 pm or 5 am when facilities are usually not in operation. Nannies are also an option. Another (free/cheap) option is to have your parents or your spouse's parents to help, but they have their own lives and don't always want to be bothered by grandchildren. In addition, not everyone has the luxury of having parents and/or in-laws living in the same town. In any case, most people want to see their kids daily, right? Because spouses (especially MALE spouses) tend not to want to quit/take time off, especially if they're on track for promotions, it's usually the mother, the one who had to go through the 9 months of pregnancy, who chooses to leave or take time off from her career.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, when I was your age, I wanted to have it all like that too. But as I got older, I realized that it's just not possible. I used to work in a publishing company where I often had to stay until 11 pm or midnight just to make deadline. While I was there, I wasn't able to see my (then) boyfriend (now husband) or even talk to him on the phone (this was a little bit before social media was all over the place - we were able to text each other via cell phone, but that was it). Now imagine you're married and also have children.
As for the whole science thing. I really never understood why it is an issue. So what if you're one of few women? And finally, pre-med/med school is NOT male dominated (at least not around here...my friend graduated from a Canadian school a few years ago and she said that it was around 50-50...with maybe slightly more women. It's just that men and women tend to gravitate towards different specialties)
A note on professionalism: It's not about being too feminine. Long hair has to be pulled back for safety reasons (same with nails needing to be kept short). Guys with long hair will have to wear it back as well. Men with facial hair also have to keep their mustaches/beards neatly trimmed (again, for safety issues) and both men and women can't have visible tattoos (at least not in the financial industry). There are a lot of conservative people out there, and certain looks may scare them away (actually it can freak out liberals too. I'm liberal in a lot of ways and much prefer a preppy, conservative look for work) If you were a producer at an alternative music studio, then green hair, tattoos and multiple piercings would be appropriate.
I agree with CynthiaC. And speaking of alternative music studios, I work in the sound recording field, which is famous for being extremely male dominated. Very rarely do the women in this field (the small percent that exist) have families to tend to, which probably lends a hand to their success. I'm currently at the bottom of the totem pole and already see scheduling conflicts at this stage in that regard. My superiors have it worse. It's an industry much like the medical field, being on call, working through the night and often, having to sleep at work because the client wants to start again bright and early. Not only is it physically demanding, but I've seen it break up relationships and make most in this field hesitant to even begin new ones because most people on the outside don't understand why the job needs to be so demanding. With any career, it is the life we have chosen. Some thrive off of taking the path of most resistance, and I believe that some can make a family life work with persistence and an understanding partner.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually quite surprised by your findings and frustration. I worked in an elite university medical center last summer with doctors doing clinical research on a specific disease. In this very large, world renowned practice, 15 of them were women. 5 males. Medicine is being dominated by women these days-They make up the majority of medical schools and residency programs also. This may become more apparent to you as you go through Smith and get further into the sciences. I'm sorry these are the experiences you've had so far though-I hope that turns around!
ReplyDeleteThe attitude that a woman *must* choose between a career and a family has seemed to me as perpetuated by the idea that the other participant(s) in a family relationship (whatever kind you choose in the future) are not going to help at all, that a woman/mother's time is either-or because she will always be the primary caregiver.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your Fuck That Shit sentiment. Find someone to build your family with that is willing and able to be a partner in raising that family. :)
What the previous posters point out, though, is that... yeah. The sentiment that a woman is going to be the primary caregiver if she ever wants a family is prevalent everywhere... but especially in the medical field because of the ridiculous hours and the stressy conditions. (sarcasm:begin) After all, if you're giving all your time to these other people, who is giving time to your kids? Don't you love them? (sarcasm:end)
@OP and @CynthiaC: "So what if you're one of few women?" I'm in an engineering field (Computer Science) and I'm pretty sure that I'm the only woman they've interviewed at my place of work in three years worth of hiring (though there may have been one other). It makes a /huge/ difference, simply because of what my company and my industry assumes about their employees. It affects how they deal with children's sick days, children's appointments, crunch-time hours, expectations about socializing during and after work hours, expectations about parties (and the guests you bring to them), expectations about humor and what you'll laugh at, expectations about interests, assumptions and illegal questions about 'are you planning to have kids?', the knowledge that if you say 'yes' to the kid question (that they're not allowed to ask) taht you might not get the job you're absolutely qualified for...
I could go on. It's a multitude of little things that make the day-to-day hard. It's not one big thing. Even my female-and-lgbt-friendly workplace isn't exempt from a range of the small things.
Even pursuing your passions, you'll still be hit with all sorts of conflicting messages. I know I'm personally struggling with the, "Why are you working? Don't you want to move to another state with your boyfriend?" It's subtle pressure, but if I had a nickel for every time I have been asked that question, I'd have about ten bucks. I made a conscious decision to work in the field I did in the place I did, and I can explain all of my reasons for it. When the question has been asked that many times, though... I sometimes start to doubt my own decision and have to review all my reasons. If you are asked a question like, "Will you choose career or family?" Then you start to doubt that there are other, equally legitimate options.
Watch out, Sheriff, this girl might put you out of a job.
ReplyDeleteDr. Kinky, this is an excellent, insightful post. You're very realistic in your challenging the societal pressures put on a woman's appearance in every facet of her life, and the idea that women must choose between career and family. Why don't men ever have to make that choice? It's absurd.
Judging solely by this post (sadly, there are no pictures of you so I haven't had the opportunity to objectify you) I am sure that you have the ability to achieve whatever you want, even-gasp-having a satisfying career and children, if you want them.
P.S. If you plan on being a rich, successful doctor and are looking for a house husband, allow me to throw my name into the ring. I cook (but don't clean) and would much rather stay at home taking care of our kids than go work in an office. Just something to consider.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback. I appreciate everyone who took time out of their busy schedules to write back!
ReplyDeleteThe reality that a choice between family and career has to be made is something that shouldn't be passively agreed upon. Cynthia c. says that one should find and “convince” a partner to stay at home and take care of the children. However males have never had to convince their pregnant wives to stay at home and take care of their children. It is the assumed role of the mother. A mother can still love and take care of her child without being there all the time. Why should she have to give up her career something that has culminated since she was 4 years old in pre-school to graduate school or further than that? For all the hard work that a woman puts into her career she deserves every right to succeed but still fill an empty void of wanting to have offspring.
A surgical career during residency and fellowship (about 5-7 years) is certainly not a 9 to 5 job by any means, and even if someone wants to have a child after this phase of their medical career, biologically it is quite late (although definitely possible).
Being married and having children shouldn’t be a crutch for women, and make us choose choice between career and family. Of course someone wants to see their spouse and their child every day. No doubt about it, but I think it would be harder to give up your job something that is YOUR own, something that you have worked hard for, something that no one can take away from you. It is your skill set, your mind, and your values. I don’t think this is selfish because any person cherishes what is theirs.
Although there are a majority of women in medical school, the pattern of the amount of women in the different specialties is very distinct. Most women go into fields such as radiology, dermatology, and family/internal medicine. Neurosurgery and cardiothoracic surgery are fields in which women are VERY under represented and this is a known fact. And to me this is a big deal because the reason for it is quite sad. It’s not that women do not want to become surgeons but rather they have the cripple of their families which undoubtedly they choose but still it is something they have to prioritize heavily compared to their male counterparts.
I understand the safety reasons for the way I need to dress/look however I meant to not only talking about the lab aspect but to say that even when I go into discussion meetings I find myself not being able to brace my femininity. During meetings I want to be taken seriously and I feel if I show too much emotion or don’t look conservative, my ideas will not be the forefront of my research. I don’t have proof that they way I dress would change how people take me professionally, but that is because I have never experimented with the idea. Like I said I go into my meetings very conservatively dressed because I could not live with the idea that someone would not take me seriously because of something as simple as my hair tied back or my attire.
Another idea for thought, in my world history class we were talking about the various revolutions of populations over time and what these people wanted. Every revolution (French, American, Latin American etc..) had the goal of allowing more people to get a say in the government and voting. The people that were allowed to vote (and this was considered an achievement) were the white land owning males. Although these people were rallying for equality, they forgot to remember the people that gave them birth and this happened all across the world. It was engrained in the thinking of every person of the world. Why did this happen? Is there an insecurity that the male race has because they can’t do the one thing women can which is having children, so they mask this insecurity through the oppression/control of women? I think this fact is taken for granted, because to be able to produce life and keep the cycle of life going on is an incredible ability. Again any thoughts are appreciated.
I forgot to add one thing: I think many men want to stay home or at least spend more time with their families, but traditional attitudes don't "allow" this. There are "Mean Boys" at the office, just like there are "Mean Girls." I read somewhere that men are basically pressured by society to work while we are not and that men who do, say, take time off or become stay-at-home dads are seen as being "less of a man." This is why child-free women earn more money than those who have kids. I once spoke with a woman whose husband stayed home. She told me that it took him a lot of guts to do that and that yes, there is pressure from his (male) friends to go back to work. She also joked that the day it becomes perfectly acceptable for guys to stay home is the day they start airing football at 3 or 4 pm on a Wednesday instead of talk shows like Ellen or Oprah.
ReplyDeleteWhy should she have to give up her career something that has culminated since she was 4 years old in pre-school to graduate school or further than that? For all the hard work that a woman puts into her career she deserves every right to succeed but still fill an empty void of wanting to have offspring.
ReplyDeleteIt's also not fair for a woman to expect her partner (let's say a man, for the sake of discussing traditional gender roles) to give up all of the work he's put into his education and career and sacrifice his dreams to stay home with kids, or to take a job that allows him to be the primary caregiver. It's not fair for any person to expect that of hir partner.
So...it's a bind, really, because if your goal is to be married and have kids and also, let's say, be a surgeon, you have to either 1) pay someone else to take care of your kids most of the time or 2) be upfront with every guy who might eventually be your husband that you would expect him to take that role eventually, so he needs to plan his life accordingly.
You can marry a teacher, or someone else whose schedule works well with raising kids, but you can't marry another surgeon unless you want to pay someone else to raise your kids for you.
And no matter how big the "empty void of wanting to have offspring" is, you have to recognize that children are people too. It's not fair to bring other people into the world if you can't give them the personal time and attention they need. They're not pets or furniture or a car or something that you get to satisfy your own needs; they have needs and lives of their own. (Pets do too, but in a different way.)
But! One possible solution to part of the problem is adoption. If you finish your schooling and get a good job and still feel the need to raise kids, you could adopt some that are already school-aged, and skip the part where someone has to give them constant attention all day long.