the torture that is swimsuit shopping

Winter is slowly starting to ebb away a bit here in the Mid-Atlantic states, but the winter flab hangs on for most of us, accumulated from night after night of chips and snuggling in the covers and Netflix instead of Zumba classes and jogging in the cold (I know it ain't just me that's made those choices).

But, cruelly, no matter what preparations you have or have not made, the Victoria's Secret swim suit catalog arrives, with its photos of lithe women with improbably large tits.

yep. 

This catalog doesn't just sell a swimsuit (although it does that very effectively), but it sells their bodies--I find frequently it's not the suit that really would look best on me that I fixate on, but the one that features the body I most wish I had, that tousled beachy hair I could never achieve, that relaxed and affluent lifestyle that is so incongruous from the one I have where I work too much and wake up in the dark to lumber out in the cold.

Marketing this impossible body and this impossible lifestyle, companies like VS get rich off of making women feel like shit. Which infuriates me the more that I think on it.

Especially because it feels so personal when things fit incorrectly, when your breasts are just too big to look classy in anything, when you butt can't fill out the bottom but you somehow have a muffin top. It feels like it's just you that there's something wrong with. But as my girl Tina Fey points out, we are all in this ship feeling terrible about ourselves together.

Remember that, please. Nothing is wrong with you.

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

Thandie Newtorn shares about the sexual abuse she experienced early in her career.

Yup.

What actually matters in the case of the Olympian who shot his girlfriend.

LADIES NIGHT IS A SCAM. I've felt this way for ages.

Oh man, this is so true: being thin to make up for other flaws.

Blonde, self-tanning teen scores higher than Einstein on MENSA test, and of course people are dubious dicks about it.

A magazine rejects an ad featuring two brides. That's just bad business.

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

back in the saddle again

As noted previously, the Sheriff had a break up recently. I'm finally through the alcoholism and Netflix stage (with brief relapses), moving into anger and firey desire to fix myself, which is wildly productive. I'm also entering the stage where I feel like I'm ready to get back in the saddle, and maybe get dicked down.

this image was just too perfect for this post

It's not that easy. Actually, that's not true--I'm a busty young female, getting laid IS that easy.  But there's some complicated feelings about putting yourself back out there after being in a long-term relationship. There's a rawness and vulnerability riding on it, because breakups definitely leave you with a lack of confidence in yourself, sexually and otherwise. In my experience, just prior to a breakup is when the sex in relationships tends to be the most lame, leaving you feeling ugly, gross, and undesirable in bed.

Also? A lot of guys are gross, weird, sexist, or just disrespectful. So if the candidate I pick for my first post break-up lay is someone who thinks it's okay to be rude to me during a one-night stand or if they're just plain a bad lay, I'll leave the situation feeling gross and sad about myself even more (and not even satisfied!). There's a lot riding on this (pun!), and I don't know if the reciprocal applies to men post-breakup.

I think for women because so much of our virtue and supposed "goodness" is wrapped up in our vaginas and how much we share them, and it makes things like that first dicking after a long term relationship seem far more momentous than they are.

What do you think?

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

women and power: lack of desire, or lack of access?

In honor of President's Day, I'm finally writing this post I've been putting off for about three months.

In the June 2012 issue of Philadelphia magazine, there was an article about women and political power entitled "Who's Missing?" by Patrick Kerkstra (I know, I'm so late it's ridiculous). The basic gist of the article was that women in Philly and Pennsylvania (which ranks 42nd in the nation in female statehouse representation, and that is fucking shameful!) should really put the blame on themselves for not having political power, saying "powerful local women blame the old-boy network. And the Democratic machine. And the testosterone-fueled political thuggery endemic to Philadelphia. They blame the conflict between family life and the relentless demands of political life. But the more thoughtful ones also blame themselves."

...c'mon. Really? We should blame ourselves for the fact that there aren't more women in power? Of course, there's something very basic and logical to what Kerkstra is saying: if women don't push themselves to run for office, despite all the obstacles, then clearly we won't win any seats, have any political capital, or be able to influence policy substantially.

But ALL of the factors that he cites that women blame are real and structural and stop women from accessing the power that comes with political office. It also shifts the focus from trying to change these institutions onto pointing the finger at individual women for their choices, as if we don't do enough of that in every arena of female activities (motherhood/proper parenting, climbing the corporate ladder, perceived attractiveness, I could go on).

What do you think? Is this an issue in which women just don't want it enough, or are there some real structural inequalities that make it harder for us to get even get our feet in the door?


Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

Man, I just love everything Kate writes.

A bit late, but still good: body positive Valentine's gifts.

Interesting! A pregnant teenager sues her parents for physically trying to make her get an abortion.

The Feminine Mystique, 50 Years Later.

Connie Briton fucking rocks.


Much love,
The Sheriff

happy Galentine's Day

Show yourself some love today. Whatever that means for you: a beer and some brainless TV, a mani-pedi, what have you.

More substantial posting to resume next week.

Much love,
The Sheriff

three years.

This Saturday, February 9th, 2013, marked three years for me without any eating disordered behaviors. No skipped meals, no excessive time in the gym, no purging after family holidays. Over a thousand days without it.

I don't have any massive wisdom to share about it, aside from the fact that it is at the core quite simple (note: simple and easy are drastically different). I wanted to change. I wanted to stop limiting myself and my life through my illness. So, I stopped participating in those behaviors, one hour at a time. Early on, an hour after dinner sitting with my feelings and being full and not throwing up felt like a triumph. But at some point, hours turn into days. and those days turn into weeks, and eventually you stop waiting to fuck up, you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and just let yourself live.

That's about where I'm at right now. And it feels pretty damn good.


Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

WOMEN WARRIORS: Her name is Annie Lumpkins and she was a Freedom Rider. She is pictured at the city jail in Little Rock July 10, 1961. 

Stupid marriage myths, deconstructed.

WHY are women so sorry all the time always?

On being an adult.

What does it feel like to be a hot girl who gets old?

Josephine Baker was amazing.

The Feminine Mystique turns 50 this year!

My reaction too.

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

the problem with relationship advice

I have mentioned it before, but I fall prey majorly to lady magazines of all kinds--if the headline promises to help me improve my body image or tone my tummy, I'm putty in their hands and buy that glossy immediately. I pore over the fashion sections and read all the articles, and am always intrigued by articles that portend to dole out relationship advice. Sometimes it seems like they just know precisely what I'm going through.

Except that they don't.

Most of these articles tend to be incredibly, deceptively overly simplified (whoa, adverb overload!). Your man not giving you enough attention? Ask him about his day and wear some sexy uncomfortable underwear. He's been having trouble staying hard? Force him to see a doctor because it's either a physical ailment or entirely your fault.

It's one-size-fits-all, and almost ALWAYS based in strongly gendered stereotypes. Which isn't to say there's nothing helpful in there, because there's something to be said for the power of trying to communicate more with your partner or the magic of putting on some panties that make you feel hot. But each relationship is its own team and its own unique set of problems and strengths, and the bland, vague advice that is written to apply to every heterosexual couple in the country may not be the best source of information and help to you.



Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

stop calling me judgmental.

source

Recently, I had the pleasure of a breakup (read here for more sadness!), and with that comes the nasty insults and revelations about your not-so-endearing qualities. One that was particularly bothersome was the charge that I am a judgmental person.

Now, here's the thing. The Sheriff ain't flawless, and this is not the first time I've been called judgmental (by an ex that other time too, I'd like to note). But I don't think I'm cruel or harsh on people. I think the issue is moreso that this word is used to dismiss women for having opinions. We're not thoughtful or smart; we're just judgmental, and bitches.

Additionally, I have rarely, if ever, heard a man called judgmental, because we expect dudes to have strong opinions on things and to express them without worry about other people's feelings. It's similar to the use of the word crazy to emotion-shame and dismiss the shit out of a woman when she has feelings that make her partner uncomfortable.

Am I off here, or do you agree?

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

Happy February! It's the shortest month of the year, the last achingly cold one (hopefully), and includes Valentine's/Galentine's Day!

Once upon a time, I made a guy at a frat party whip out his dick just so I could laugh at it because he refused to stop touching me or leave me alone. This reminded me of that incident. (Also, if you want to read about that in one of our very earliest posts [so adorable and young! Baby Sheriff!], click here).

I love Ellen's diss of the Bic for Her Pen. Amazing!

Interesting/depressing: almost half of bisexual women have been raped. Whoa.

UGH. The most crazy reactions to women in combat.

It is no secret that the Sheriff loves 30 Rock and Tina Fey. Love bordering on obsession. And 30 Rock is over now. But reading this makes me feel better and relive the best moments.

This pep talk video will be a worthwhile use of your time. Promise.

Useful: How to get out of a hookup when the dude is already in your crib.

Much love,
The Sheirff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!