sexual ex-recycling: pros and cons

I feel like it's a part of our times, in this era of cell phones and easy access all the time, that it's just all too easy to sexually recycle your exes. Maybe things fell apart emotionally, maybe you know with every fiber of your being that they're so wrong for you, but goddamn if it ain't easy to text them when you've had a little too much wine and you're lonely. Plus you know their body and vice versa, you don't add to your body count, you don't have to train someone all over again into how to pleasure you--how could it be wrong?

Plenty of ways!

If they weren't an absolutely great lay in the first place, skip it and move on to the next one. No need to waste your time with someone who can't get the job done.

If there's still a lot of raw, negative emotions, you should pass. The sex can be a catalyst for feelings and fighting and none of that is what you want if you're just gaming for a convenient lay. Of course, if you do want to work things out with them, a conversation had in the light of day is perhaps a better bet.

Similarly, if you're not on the same page going into this booty call, you should clear that up first. No orgasm is worth misleading someone and hurting their feelings if they want more than you can give at that time, and it's not worth your emotional well-being to try to connect with them over dicking.

Is ex-recycling just a logical way to minimize your body count and energy expenditure to get laid? Or should you always just move onward and upward? I kinda feel that it's a new year, so it's worth it to move on! Lots of new people to get acquainted with.

Much love,
The Sheriff


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friday links

How to make your period suck less. I've NEEDED this advice lately.

Here's some of the best body love articles from 2012. Lots to read here!

I meant to post this last week (whoops...forgot about Friday links!), but this is a great article about reclaiming the holidays as a time to love your body. Good any time of year.

This is a great read about the fear of not being pretty enough to find a partner.

I hear you, Rosario: being excessively thin and hard on our bodies is a form of violence.

Just for the chuckles on New Year's Resolutions.

Have a lovely weekend!

Much love,
The Sheriff

new year's resolutions and the body hatred cycle

Today marks the first day where people are voraciously attempting their ambitious resolutions, having spent yesterday in a hungover stupor presumably. The gyms are packed with people raring for change, the grocery stores are selling large quantities of fresh veggies and those special editions of fitness magazines with "Get Off The Couch!" titles. We, a nation that is overwhelmingly overweight and obese, love this day full of possibilities of skinnier pants, and the promise that stretches out before us in these 12 new months (that include tiny bikinis and flat abs in the summertime, naturally).

But it can be so destructive to your body image and potentially your body (yo-yo dieting doesn't have pretty effects), and on a more practical level, it can be simply exhausting to try to maintain a sense of control and discipline and diligence over a process that is supposed to be pretty simple: eat, move, drink water. Repeat. Maybe add some chocolate (or cheese, if you're me). But most resolutions tend towards the extreme and the ambitious, not the moderate and attainable. When apathy sets in or results of the slender body you're seeking aren't coming, it's easy to backslide, binge on a whole bunch of "forbidden, un-clean" foods, and then feel like shit about yourself and your body. Now not only are you a lazy, out-of-shape fa tass, you're also undisciplined and can't stick to a program and just ate an entire bag of Doritos in front of a Kardashian marathon when you were supposed to be sipping a green juice after spin class. So you hate yourself, and vow to do things that you don't enjoy to reach a goal that maybe you don't even personally want.

Now, I've got nothing against gyms, or green juice, or even resolutions. I just think as women (and men) in an incredibly body-conscious (but not necessarily health conscious) society, we need to be aware of if we're approaching fitness and health from a deficit and negative perspective, where we cut out things that we like to eat or force ourselves to engage in exercise that we don't like in order to reach goals that may not be long-term maintainable. Take the same goal of weight loss and re-frame it into something that's focused on the fun activities you can do (Zumba! Walks in the park! Yoga!) and adding in new exciting foods (Kiwi! Spinach! Sweet potatoes!), and that sounds like a fun goal, AND possible to accomplish. Focus on adding to your life, not subtracting from your waist measurement.


Did you set any resolutions this year? Or did you decide to skip that nonsense?

Much love,
The Sheriff

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Have a lovely New Year's Eve, and be safe!

Much love,

The Sheriff

weight talk in the beauty shop

Last week, I sat in a beauty salon in one of Philly's suburbs, getting my highlights touched up (sidebar: I used to straight up lie to the men in my life about having natural highlights despite spending two hours plus at the salon every six weeks), and listening to the chatter of the stylist and her client next to me. The two were clearly friends, catching up on gossip about mutual pals in between foils in that accent unique to white people from the Philadelphia suburbs and Northeast, where the word "phone" sounds like "phowne" and "ass" sounds like "aye-as." 

I sat immobilized, eavesdropping on these women talk about their friend who had gained a lot of weight recently. Naturally, this turned to the pair talking about their own bodies. One of them bitched that she was always gaining weight in her hips and "aye-as," which puzzled me: aren't big butts a good thing? Am I the only white woman who thinks that a big juicy butt can be a great thing?

They continued, with one of them recounting in precise detail exactly how much she'd weighed at various points in the last few years and the other friend making supportive commentary about those goal posts. Both of them were definitively thin, but were deeply engaged in this discussion about their poundage ups and downs. 

I sat there, face covered with hair, making faces of confusion. Do women really talk to their friends about their weight in this amount of detail? I have almost no idea what any of my friends have ever weighed, and when they did mention it, I've forgotten it. I barely can guesstimate my own weight these days. Are we abnormal for not focusing on this aspect of our lives? Or at least not obsessing over it together? 

Weight talk can be a form of bonding and reassurance, and sometimes very cathartic--telling one of my friends my weight was a very liberating conversation. But I feel that the better thing is to build the confidence in yourself and your crew, and put more priority on the bigger things in life: ambitions, hopes, desires, office gossip. 

Ladies (or men!)--do you know precisely what your friends weigh? Is it a common theme of discussion? 

Much love,

The Sheriff

merry christmas!

Merry Christmas! I hope you spend the day with loved ones, and maybe even talk a little feminism. Normal post on Wednesday. 

Much love,

The Sheriff

friday links

I actually kinda enjoy Jenna Marbles' videos. But I agree that her video last week about "The Slut" was doing too much.

The tragedy in Newtown, CT last Friday was almost unbearable to think about. But if you wanna help? Here's some info.

Some other acts of random kindness that you can do to remind yourself, as the world ends, that there's still goodness!

On a lighter note: Jesus, your imaginary boyfriend.

Much love,
The Sheriff