self-consciousness in pictures: facebook vs the yearbook

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 Remember when you were a baby-child (or ya know, in high school), and you had picture day? And it was a really big deal because it was going to be in the yearbook and it's how everyone would remember you for all time and they gave you those awkward impotent little combs to yank through your hair before having your chin posed at strange angles. Good times, friends.

Of course, yearbook photos did and still do cause anxiety and self-consciousness, especially because they're so posed and often tend to capture us at our most strange and adolescent, with bad haircuts and pimples and oddly fitting clothes. Smith, unlike apparently a lot of schools, still does yearbooks and sends them out to the graduated seniors families.


My dad flipped through it and texted me that myself and Lady Lola looked cute on the convocation page. Convocation? That night when we rampage around campus half-naked and yell chants about house pride and booties and whatnot?

Oh shit.


What if I look fat?

I hate to admit it, but those were the first thoughts to run through my head. My primary concern was if I'd be immortalized in the consciousness of my graduating class as tubby girl in a bikini top, sarong, and a leopard print pink plastic fedora.

Some of the issue with this is that with Facebook, you are immortalized on the Interwebz for all time...but you untag with abandon. And trust me in that I abuse that privilege. A little bit of a tummy in one picture? Untag. One eye half-closed (perhaps drunkenly)? Untag. Photo taken from below, the never-even-a-little-flattering angle? Definitely untag.

But has anyone else scrutinized these photos? Would other folks devote half the energy to hatin' on my body that I do to myself? Perhaps, but I doubt it. When friends whine about how bad a picture is that I've put up of them, rarely do I even see their supposed imperfections until they show me them. And even then, who cares? One bad photo among the dozens (hundreds?) of good ones doesn't mean that everyone will forever remember you in that light.

And I finally saw the dreaded yearbook convocation picture (via Skype, thanks to a good pal). And while it is not the most flattering photo of myself, above all else, I look deliriously and genuinely happy to be frolicking with my Albright ladies. And that makes it a beautiful photo all in itself.

What say you? Any Smithies find questionable pictures of themselves in the glories of the yearbook? Does everyone scrutinize their yearbook photos with such nastiness?

Much love,
The Sheriff

BONUS--Celebrity yearbook photos. Why is J Lo so hot always?

friday links

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The evolution of tampon ads...we've got a long way to go, ya'll.

I, surprisingly, really enjoyed reading Sally's body hair management system. Mostly because it made me feel less crazy about my own. And also made me realize how little it matters!

"Assume good intentions"--I've heard this said many times before as a norm during group sessions about tough topics, but it is also a great general life reminder.

Is 25 old now?

NOOOOOOOO. I don't normally give a shit about celebrity relationships, but this makes me sad (maybe because I taught summer school at his alma mater?). NOTE--this may or may not be a real thing, since the Smiths are denying it.

Females--Do you masturbate? These folks can cure you! Shaking my head...

Humorous post about pooping and childbirth. Still does not make me feel great about the fact that this will probably happen to me one day, but it did give some LOLs.

College students use drinking as an "excuse" to have sex and not have to be labeled sluts. Sad, but true....but it still enrages me! NO ONE NEEDS AN EXCUSE TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX!

Much love,
The Sheriff

the faux-independence of college: is it a bad thing?

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I have a lovely, much younger friend (psst--she blogs over at PenisEnvy as Dr. Kinky) who is about to leave for Smith. Talking to her recently made me remember all of the excitement and insanity of leaving for college the first time--the anxieties over making new friends and saying goodbye to old ones, PACKING, the thrill of independence.

But are ya really that independent at college?

This is the interesting paradox of Smith, in particular, that I am realizing post-graduation. You go to this fantastic college, full of strong, smart, sassy women with their own thoughts and ideas and achievements and anxieties (so much anxiety. But that is another post!). You can do ANYTHING you want, take any classes you want thanks to the open curriculum, skip any classes you want, sleep with anyone you want (all the men in the Valley! All the women! No one at all!). You make your schedule, choose your extracurriculars, make big decisions about your future, take out big loans. Delicious independence.

Except...no.

There are TEAMS of folks at Smith (and every college) whose jobs exist solely to make your existence easier. IT people you call when the internet is funky or slow or down entirely, electricians who come out at 3AM to turn off your beeping fire alarm when the school is running on generator power, facilities management workers who get out there at the crack of dawn to shovel all that damn New England snow, the housekeepers who not only scrub the tubs but are always there to give you the college gossip and friendly banter on your way to class, the lovely people feeding you....the list goes on and on.

And as much as I thought I was an independent person, and not pampered, I was so so wrong. Waiting for the electric company to come cut on my service during a heat wave, sitting in a chair pressed against the open window, I fully realized the blessing of letting other people take care of things. Sitting in a pool of my own sweat, I once again was faced with how much of a fucking privilege college is, especially the Smith experience (Smith, btws, got a score of 96/100 for quality of life among America's top colleges...probably thanks to all the lovely people taking care of our needs).

It's interesting that colleges put so much work into taking care of these logistical aspects of life for their students while they're being prepared to go into the world and take over on their own. But they do this so you can go about your intellectual life unfettered by the annoyances that people who aren't just full-time students often have to deal with. It's not such a bad thing to not really be doin' it for yourself. So appreciate it and soak up the faux-independence, first years!

When did you realize you'd been maybe just a wee bit spoiled, either in college or before going off?

Much love,
The Sheriff

friday links

Michele Bachmann is an interesting woman. By which I mean I really really disagree with most things she says.

This case, while miraculous, shouldn't be used to justify limiting abortions to everyone because a one-in-bazillion chance baby survived.

For the LOLZ: If male superheroes posed like Wonder Woman.

Jess Weiner (body image goddess) and her story about losing weight to be healthier despite her message of loving one's body at all sizes. The sensationalist title aside, I think it raises some good questions!

And so does VA's take on it over at NeverSayDiet.

Much love,
The Sheriff

Interacial dating drama

Several recent changes have occurred in the Sheriff's life, including, among other things, graduation, getting and moving into an apartment in a real city for the first time ever, figuring out public transit, and having some romance on the side.

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And for the first time, the romance involves someone not of my race.

I'm currently seeing a half Black, half Arab man who, although light-skinned, is clearly Not White, and that's what matters when it comes to how people perceive and react to us.

I've been lucky by mistake of birth to be white and because I was raised in a vastly white woodsy town,  totally unaware of race. Sure, I was raised to be not racist and to accept everyone regardless of skin color and all that happy stuff. But I've never had to read "specialty" magazines to find women in ads who look like me; my hair care products are carried everywhere; no one ever asks me how people of my entire racial group feel about rap lyrics or our president or affirmative action. Although I care very much about hearing different perspectives, in feminism and in general, it's not something I'd ever been equipped to give voice to in this here blog as a white chick generally dating/kissing/fucking white dudes (and sometimes white women).

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And now, I have a slightly more enlightened perspective (but, to be real, still extremely limited) on how much racial relations in this country suck. White people--we really are clueless.

I know most people don't think we are post-racial just because we got Obama in the White House (but this song is still pretty good). But I thought we had made some progress at least since the Civil Rights Era, right? Maybe? Just a little?

But you wouldn't really know it, the way people act towards an unknown large brown man walking around with a small blonde woman. People stare. And I don't mean just gawk the way kids do; I mean stare with a touch of nastiness or confusion in it. We tried to go out to breakfast at a local joint in my woodsy sweet hometown, and it was not sweet. He felt so uncomfortable, we just left. My seemingly progressive parents have had similarly baffling experiences; for the first time ever, my mama talked to me about dating violence and not putting up with it, as if he's some sort of larger threat because he's got brown skin. We get the stares walking around in black communities too.

Crazy.

Have you experienced this, either as a minority yourself or while dating one? Tell me about it, I've missed you!

Much love,
The Sheriff

snow bunnies, sex, and stereotypes

As I will talk more about on Tuesday, I'm now dating a guy of mixed race, and it's bringing up a whole bunch of interesting perspectives, views, and experiences. Most curiously humorous and fucked up of which has been hearing his report on the stereotypes about white girls.

I don't know why it was such a surprise to me to hear the stereotypes about us, or that there even are pre-conceived notions about white chicks. Why wouldn't there be? The other groups are all covered: Black men are supposed to be great at fucking, thanks to their unnaturally large penises, but according to popular belief, they don't go down on women, at all, ever, despite demanding head themselves. Oh, and they'll knock ya up with their super virile sperm. Latinas are spicy little wildcats in bed. Asian men aren't packing it in inches, but they make up for it with skillful love-making and being tender in bed.

And white girls are supposed to be stupid, but stuck-up. We're supposed to be bad kissers, but great at giving head. We "work harder," evidently. And we're rare; that's why white girls are coveted by certain minority men. Snow bunnies. I learned these things when he told me I was a good kisser for a white girl. I laughed and found out that there's apparently a whole racial shortcoming that I've overcome in becoming skillful in kissing.

But the arbitrariness of stereotypes, while humorous, shouldn't be surprising. Most stereotypes are stupidly specific (Asians are good at math, Latin folks are great dancers, Indian people have bad B.O., and so on). Plus, I've done it to other races; why wouldn't they do it to my racial and gender group? Does this explain why black men approach me or my white friends when we're out, because they think we're going to be good at head and they can ignore our bad kissing in pursuit of that or simply because we're hot bitches? And how does it work for mixed race people: would half-Black, half-Asian dude be well-hung but tender, or smaller and less likely to give head--how does the stereotype math work on that one?

It doesn't. Because this whole thing is ridiculous. People are just people, and they bring their own individual unique preferences, skills and shortcomings to the table, sexually and otherwise.

What ridiculous sex stereotypes have you heard? Let me hear it.

Much love,
The Sheriff

FF is not dead!

Sorry for the break in posting. The Sheriff has been crazy busy with Real World things, and is the process of getting internet hookup in her new apartment.

Regular posting to resume some time soon hopefully!

Much love (and missing you!),
The Sheriff