I was incredibly lucky growing up to have a half-sister I just thought was a rock star--she was a hippie, she traveled around the world by working on cattle boats and other random odd jobs, she had dreadlocks despite her whiteness (just kidding, that last part is gross). She gave me her tee shirts that said things like "Arms Are For Hugging!", her Ani DiFranco tapes, a book by Gloria Steinem when I was in sixth grade, and I was never the same.
Feminism made it easier for me to navigate the world, which is a shitty place when you're an awkward and incredibly overdeveloped girl. I always like to expose other people to it who can benefit from it. But where to start? So much of feminist literature is deeply academic and hard to sift through and frankly really damn boring if that's not already your established scene. But here are some of my recommendations for someone you want to turn on to the right path, but without being pedantic.
He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know (Jessica Valenti).
This is a short, easy read and it tackles a variety of issues where men and women are treated differently/women are made to feel ashamed for having vaginas or existing. It also does so with very short and readable amounts of information and decent stats to back it all up. I think it's a great starter book to turn someone onto feminism without freaking them out or overwhelming them.
Full Frontal Feminism (Jessica Valenti).
I know that's two Valenti books in a row, but I sweat she's not paying me to write this. FFF is a more in-depth look into the topics that Valenti brings up in the book above, and with more of a focus on why feminism is still relevant today, even if women have come a very long way. It's very much aimed at young women, and is engaging in that way without trying to sound hip or trying to hard.
The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls (Joan Jacobs Brumberg)
THIS BOOK, YOU GUYS. This book is amazing. It was one of the first feminist books I read as a tween, and it definitely opened my eyes to the ways that body image and pressures are used to oppress women. It's written by a historian, and has lots of photos of old advertisements or fashions from back in the day that showcase how women have worked against our natural bodies for centuries.
Do you guys have any suggestions for content you'd recommend to a possible feminist?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
go do something
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Either way, I implore you, do something that will improve the world a little bit today. If your thing is formal volunteering, great. If you'd rather just quietly pick up some trash on your own or donate some money or hang out with a kid for the day, even better. Do something with this time.
Much love,
The Sheriff
Friday, January 18, 2013
Friday Links
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| Did you watch this lovely duo host the Globes? |
A different POV: the impact of negative body image on boys.
Although this is aimed at a much older demographic, I think this is good for both women and men to read about the vulnerability of being naked and how your partner really isn't stressing too much about your wrinkles/fat/other perceived faults.
“There’s a lot of work to be done to dismantle rape culture—but a simple first step is to stop focusing on making the world more comfortable for men, and instead make it safer for women.”
In defense of never moving on.
Racial inequity on display in Brooklyn.
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
why I hate Rihanna
As a woman in my early/mid twenties who occasionally has the energy to go out dancing with painful shoes on, I should by all means like Rihanna. She is ballsy, both sartorially and musically, and sings very openly about sex and being sexual, which is great, and normally I support women talking about doin' it (you may have noticed the title of this blog).
But not when that's ALL that a woman does.
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| source |
The Chris Brown business aside (it is upsetting to me that she is back with him, but that is her personal business and I understand that the cycle of abuse often drags people back to their abusers, so I ain't gonna judge that here), I have a lot of issues with Rihanna.
a. Her voice is just bad, and her music is annoying/becoming harder to dance to because it is too chaotic (maybe I am just getting old, but I hate this dub step influence).
b. Her ENTIRE image is based on sexuality. This can be a good thing, an empowering thing, a thing that moves women forward.
Or it can just reduce you to being ONLY a sexual object and a person incapable of being taken seriously.
The majority of her hits have been sexual, and have grown to the point that it's sort of ridiculous. Example: "Cockiness," in which the chorus consists of the repeating phrase I love it when you eat it. Which is fine--getting oral is amazing! But something about beating people over the head with sex and sexuality in a vulgar way is off-putting, no matter who does it. It's nasty when it's part of hip hop (though more expected, given the hypermasculinity that is standard in that culture), and it's nasty when Rihanna continues to speak/sing about it (see "Birthday Cake," in which she informs us that It's not even birthday, and he wanna lick the icing off).
Even her love songs revolve around the fact that she loves the man she's with so much because of how much he fucks her. And again, I have nothing against sex and sexuality in music, but it can get to a point where you are reducing yourself to that image and downplaying your complexity as a human being to the point where you're just a vagina and sexual urges. It stops being shocking and interesting and empowering when it's the only card you play.
Am I being too hard on her? What do ya'll think?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
Monday, January 14, 2013
breaking up sucks.
Disclaimer: This is a terribly maudlin post. Normal, less sad posting to resume Wednesday.
There is no way around it: breaking up is never easy.
Even when it's a break up conducted with the hope of reunion (does that ever happen? Has that ever worked for anyone?), it's the end of something that was its own world, with its own language and customs and idiosyncrasies.
Break ups are never the sudden BOOM, some shit happened and now it's over that I pictured when I was younger. I thought that you just suddenly woke up one day, realizing that you didn't want them around anymore and kicked them to the curb and they were the only one hurting.
But it's not that at all. It's this gradual drift, this constant wondering of if it gets better, if it will ever improve, if your efforts to smile more, remember the little things, chill out means nothing.
It's the picking apart of things, sorting them into yours and mine.
It's the fear that you're forgettable.
It's the reminding yourself to stop before texting them, to resist the urge to call on them when you've had a rough day and need someone to lean on, because they don't want to or can't be that someone anymore.
It's that ache in the night, missing their body and not knowing if anyone will learn its curves and wishes and expressions like they did.
It's that wondering if it's actually the best choice.
It's unraveling the narrative of the future that you've built up in your head that includes them, however slight (like including their favorite foods on your shopping list) or grand (imagining what a house together might feel like).
It's lonely.
But you gotta push through the cold beds and loneliness and erasure of future mental plans, hopefully for something better. Or at least a better version of what you had.
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
There is no way around it: breaking up is never easy.
Even when it's a break up conducted with the hope of reunion (does that ever happen? Has that ever worked for anyone?), it's the end of something that was its own world, with its own language and customs and idiosyncrasies.
Break ups are never the sudden BOOM, some shit happened and now it's over that I pictured when I was younger. I thought that you just suddenly woke up one day, realizing that you didn't want them around anymore and kicked them to the curb and they were the only one hurting.
But it's not that at all. It's this gradual drift, this constant wondering of if it gets better, if it will ever improve, if your efforts to smile more, remember the little things, chill out means nothing.
It's the picking apart of things, sorting them into yours and mine.
It's the fear that you're forgettable.
It's the reminding yourself to stop before texting them, to resist the urge to call on them when you've had a rough day and need someone to lean on, because they don't want to or can't be that someone anymore.
It's that ache in the night, missing their body and not knowing if anyone will learn its curves and wishes and expressions like they did.
It's that wondering if it's actually the best choice.
It's unraveling the narrative of the future that you've built up in your head that includes them, however slight (like including their favorite foods on your shopping list) or grand (imagining what a house together might feel like).
It's lonely.
But you gotta push through the cold beds and loneliness and erasure of future mental plans, hopefully for something better. Or at least a better version of what you had.
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
Friday, January 11, 2013
friday links
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| "There's this notion of a feminist being something that's radical and bad and painted very negatively," says [former NFL quarterback, Don] McPherson..."Men-hating lesbians who are angry at the world. Well, I'm not a man-hating lesbian. I'm not angry at the world. I'm a former quarterback who respects women and believes men need to change the way they think and behave." Awesome. |
This will LITERALLY make you LOL: the greatest dog gifs.
Mmmhmm. The 10 essentials for a good relationship.
Here's some really fantastically informative infographics about abortion in the U.S.
FAQs on friendship in your 20s. I've definitely had some of these questions at some point.
You know that person who, when you're talking about rape, says helpful things like "well what about girls who lie about rape?" Shut them up with this incredibly sad chart.
"I reject the notion that my virtue is located in my vagina." Wise words on honor and rape. Brava!
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
the decade of envy
The twenties are this really interesting decade. It seems to be a time when we are pulled in several directions at once: the urge to explore and fuck around a little bit, sexually and otherwise, before settling down is contrasted with the urge to define yourself and immediately set out on defined career and relationship paths.
It's a confusing time, ya'll, and that only makes it even easier to participate in society's favorite women's sport: COMPARISON!
I've read a lovely quote before that states "comparison is the thief of joy," and I think it's a beautiful idea: without comparing our circumstances and efforts to others, we'd be a lot happier and appreciate of what we've got goin' on. But the minute we gaze at someone else's body or wardrobe or academic achievements, suddenly what we're doing seems a little musty, a little bit sad, just not enough. Envy is an extremely toxic emotion, especially if you're 20s, when everyone is striving and struggling to figure out what we want and how we can get it. The rubric for success is more amorphous than it was in college--you have literally thousands of paths before you--but makin' it is ever present on our minds.
Envy also involves a certain amount of illusion and assumptions. The interwebz only helps to fosters these illusions and assumptions; reading fashion blogs or looking at someone's social media representations, we only see the things that they want us to see. It's the photos where they look thin and are smiling and dressed oh-so-chicly in some wonderful location. A glance at these kinds of online statements can easily lead to assumptions about the kind of life the lead--glamorous, wealthy, easy, while we of course know the sometimes not so pretty reality of our own lives, which is often difficult, financially strapped, or unfulfilled. I myself am certainly guilty of constructing elaborate fantasy lives that I assign to people I barely know or know not at all, assuming how easy and charmed their lives must be on the basis of some beautifully shot Facebook photos or Instagram posts highlighting their international travels or impeccable wardrobe.
So how do we stop envy, in a world where it can be difficult to avoid these traps and in a decade where we're all struggling and trying to figure it out? Focus on what you've go goin' on. If you actually have things in your life that you can be truly, genuinely, really happy about, it'll be easier to not get wrapped up in how easy their life seems or how fast their metabolism is or how much money you think they have.
Are you a victim of envy sometimes, like I am? Or are you magically able to stay above that? And how do you do it?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
It's a confusing time, ya'll, and that only makes it even easier to participate in society's favorite women's sport: COMPARISON!
I've read a lovely quote before that states "comparison is the thief of joy," and I think it's a beautiful idea: without comparing our circumstances and efforts to others, we'd be a lot happier and appreciate of what we've got goin' on. But the minute we gaze at someone else's body or wardrobe or academic achievements, suddenly what we're doing seems a little musty, a little bit sad, just not enough. Envy is an extremely toxic emotion, especially if you're 20s, when everyone is striving and struggling to figure out what we want and how we can get it. The rubric for success is more amorphous than it was in college--you have literally thousands of paths before you--but makin' it is ever present on our minds.
Envy also involves a certain amount of illusion and assumptions. The interwebz only helps to fosters these illusions and assumptions; reading fashion blogs or looking at someone's social media representations, we only see the things that they want us to see. It's the photos where they look thin and are smiling and dressed oh-so-chicly in some wonderful location. A glance at these kinds of online statements can easily lead to assumptions about the kind of life the lead--glamorous, wealthy, easy, while we of course know the sometimes not so pretty reality of our own lives, which is often difficult, financially strapped, or unfulfilled. I myself am certainly guilty of constructing elaborate fantasy lives that I assign to people I barely know or know not at all, assuming how easy and charmed their lives must be on the basis of some beautifully shot Facebook photos or Instagram posts highlighting their international travels or impeccable wardrobe.
So how do we stop envy, in a world where it can be difficult to avoid these traps and in a decade where we're all struggling and trying to figure it out? Focus on what you've go goin' on. If you actually have things in your life that you can be truly, genuinely, really happy about, it'll be easier to not get wrapped up in how easy their life seems or how fast their metabolism is or how much money you think they have.
Are you a victim of envy sometimes, like I am? Or are you magically able to stay above that? And how do you do it?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook
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