friday links

WOMEN WARRIORS: Her name is Annie Lumpkins and she was a Freedom Rider. She is pictured at the city jail in Little Rock July 10, 1961. 

Stupid marriage myths, deconstructed.

WHY are women so sorry all the time always?

On being an adult.

What does it feel like to be a hot girl who gets old?

Josephine Baker was amazing.

The Feminine Mystique turns 50 this year!

My reaction too.

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

the problem with relationship advice

I have mentioned it before, but I fall prey majorly to lady magazines of all kinds--if the headline promises to help me improve my body image or tone my tummy, I'm putty in their hands and buy that glossy immediately. I pore over the fashion sections and read all the articles, and am always intrigued by articles that portend to dole out relationship advice. Sometimes it seems like they just know precisely what I'm going through.

Except that they don't.

Most of these articles tend to be incredibly, deceptively overly simplified (whoa, adverb overload!). Your man not giving you enough attention? Ask him about his day and wear some sexy uncomfortable underwear. He's been having trouble staying hard? Force him to see a doctor because it's either a physical ailment or entirely your fault.

It's one-size-fits-all, and almost ALWAYS based in strongly gendered stereotypes. Which isn't to say there's nothing helpful in there, because there's something to be said for the power of trying to communicate more with your partner or the magic of putting on some panties that make you feel hot. But each relationship is its own team and its own unique set of problems and strengths, and the bland, vague advice that is written to apply to every heterosexual couple in the country may not be the best source of information and help to you.



Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

stop calling me judgmental.

source

Recently, I had the pleasure of a breakup (read here for more sadness!), and with that comes the nasty insults and revelations about your not-so-endearing qualities. One that was particularly bothersome was the charge that I am a judgmental person.

Now, here's the thing. The Sheriff ain't flawless, and this is not the first time I've been called judgmental (by an ex that other time too, I'd like to note). But I don't think I'm cruel or harsh on people. I think the issue is moreso that this word is used to dismiss women for having opinions. We're not thoughtful or smart; we're just judgmental, and bitches.

Additionally, I have rarely, if ever, heard a man called judgmental, because we expect dudes to have strong opinions on things and to express them without worry about other people's feelings. It's similar to the use of the word crazy to emotion-shame and dismiss the shit out of a woman when she has feelings that make her partner uncomfortable.

Am I off here, or do you agree?

Much love,
The Sheriff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

Happy February! It's the shortest month of the year, the last achingly cold one (hopefully), and includes Valentine's/Galentine's Day!

Once upon a time, I made a guy at a frat party whip out his dick just so I could laugh at it because he refused to stop touching me or leave me alone. This reminded me of that incident. (Also, if you want to read about that in one of our very earliest posts [so adorable and young! Baby Sheriff!], click here).

I love Ellen's diss of the Bic for Her Pen. Amazing!

Interesting/depressing: almost half of bisexual women have been raped. Whoa.

UGH. The most crazy reactions to women in combat.

It is no secret that the Sheriff loves 30 Rock and Tina Fey. Love bordering on obsession. And 30 Rock is over now. But reading this makes me feel better and relive the best moments.

This pep talk video will be a worthwhile use of your time. Promise.

Useful: How to get out of a hookup when the dude is already in your crib.

Much love,
The Sheirff

Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

analyzing mad men; or, the sheriff is totally behind on pop culture

Prior to said break up which I explained how I am ineffectively getting over on Monday, the ex and I were watching Mad Men together on Netflix. I was vaguely familiar with the series because Joan's impact on sartorial vibes is palpable and I had a friend spoil the big surprise of the first season to me long before I began watching, but I'd never sat down to watch it. I'd heard great things about the story, the style, and the characters being so real and genuinely flawed like real people.

But before even that, I was talking about Mad Men to one of my mom's customers (she cleans houses), who happened to be a lesbian and of course adored me because I went to Smith. And she HATED Mad Men. She actually went so far as to cancel the part of her cable package that included AMC because they run the show.

Why did she hate the show so much? Sexism. She felt like the show glamourized the way that these ad men in the 1960s lived and how they treated women, and that it sickened her to see it on the show. She found it oppressive to even watch.

I actually find that the opposite is true: it is actually fucking empowering to see sexism and sexual harassment, especially in the workplace, portrayed in a show. Usually when movies or shows have any elements of a man who makes ladies uncomfortable with his comments, he's a total skeeve and a pervert and is quickly written off as such. He's not the man you report to, who comments on the tightness of your skirt, or the co-worker whose office you dread walking by because you can feel his gaze on your body and you already feel insecure enough. But that's what it actually feels like being a lady with a job of ANY kind, and I find it refreshing and extremely exciting to see that shown in successful television series.

Granted, Don Draper and his ilk in the show make womanizing into a goddamn sport, but it is an accurate portrayal of the time period, gross and demeaning as it gets. It's akin to trying to take the n-word out of Huckleberry Fin: that language, that oppression is a part of our history as women and other oppressed groups and it's important for the rest of the world to see that to get an idea of what any subordinated group experiences.

Do you think it's awesome to see your oppression mirror on the small (or big) screen, or is it uncomfortable? Talk to me.

Much love,
The Sheriff


Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

getting over a breakup: the first month

As I wrote about a few weeks ago, the Sheriff has been going through a pretty shitty breakup. Like, appallingly shitty breakup. And while I know in a few weeks/months I'll actually be over it and able to say things like "seeing what didn't work teaches me what does" and other suitably vague encouraging things, right now? I just hate everything and can't get motivated to do much but sit and be alternately sad and furious.

And with Valentine's Day coming up? It's even more of a treat.

I have been drinking too much alcohol, watching exclusively 30 Rock and Parks and Rec nonstop on Netflix, and having a weird food relationship where I'm starving until I actually put the food in front of me when suddenly I just feel TOO MUCH FEELINGS to eat. Oh, and LOTS of Adele. That girl knows my heart ache.

source

So, in order to help myself and anyone else going through this nonsense right now, I figured I'd write a guide on how to get over it and at least get to feeling better.

--Get their shit out of your house. Any item that you leave behind and might want back or vice versa is just going to remind you of them and make you sad OR serve as a lame excuse to contact them that reeks of desperation and at best will end with ex-sex which, if you don't want to be with them, may be a bad choice. This is extremely painful but it will make you feel better. Additionally, don't hesitate to throw out things they gave you/have a friend hold on to them if it's something you want to keep. Being reminded of that ten minutes that one time that they were attentive and nice and gave you things is NOT conducive to feeling better.

--Consider un-following them on social media. I personally have not done this yet, and maybe I should because I am dreading the moment when something pops up that can be stalkerishly read to indicate that said person has a new girl in their life, and then I feel like murdering. It also curbs the desire/ability to keep interacting with them a bit during those moments when you're lacking the self-control or good sense to avoid an unrewarding interaction.

too many quotes are attributed to Drake, and I'm 90% sure most of them are bullshit. also, doesn't he look like he has a hearing aid in this pic?

--Give into the sadness. Seriously. Dive in to the feelings of betrayal, disappointment, depression, anger, hurt. Let yourself feel them to their full extent and take advantage of the awful clarity that break ups bring into your own faults and the faults of the person you were with. I'm a journaler (moleskines for life), so it's super helpful for me to wallow, put on some sad tunes, and then write down everything that went wrong. In the cold light of the next day, I try to read over it and see what themes come up as being issues in it, in terms of both my actions and theirs.

--Do whatever you want to do for a while. It's that's all sweatpants and junk food and rom-coms that you watch because you just KNOW you will sob through them and crying feels weirdly good, do that. But if it's revenge workouts and green juice and motivational books, do that. Call out of work. Buy all that shit in your online shopping cart. Masturbate, often, or find some new dick to hop on for a while. Don't make any permanent choices though for the first month--you are likely vulnerable at the moment, and that meaningful tat/crazy hair cut may not be what you actually want, and if it is, you can still do it in a month when you've had time to process your shit.


How do you help yourself get through that terrible first month post-breakup? Send me your tips, please!

Much love,
The Sheriff


Follow me on twitter @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook!

friday links

This is a great, thought-provoking photo: judgments.

The uniformity among these young South Korean women who've had plastic surgery is deeply unsettling.


Think your vag is just too gross? Get "the Barbie" and get your nasty little labia just chopped off!

Rush Limbaugh continues to be the worst.

Interesting infographic on laws that are limiting Roe v. Wade.


Much love,
The Sheriff


Follow me on twitter for more feminist musings @ff_sheriff or get at me on Facebook