getting over a breakup: the first month

As I wrote about a few weeks ago, the Sheriff has been going through a pretty shitty breakup. Like, appallingly shitty breakup. And while I know in a few weeks/months I'll actually be over it and able to say things like "seeing what didn't work teaches me what does" and other suitably vague encouraging things, right now? I just hate everything and can't get motivated to do much but sit and be alternately sad and furious.

And with Valentine's Day coming up? It's even more of a treat.

I have been drinking too much alcohol, watching exclusively 30 Rock and Parks and Rec nonstop on Netflix, and having a weird food relationship where I'm starving until I actually put the food in front of me when suddenly I just feel TOO MUCH FEELINGS to eat. Oh, and LOTS of Adele. That girl knows my heart ache.

source

So, in order to help myself and anyone else going through this nonsense right now, I figured I'd write a guide on how to get over it and at least get to feeling better.

--Get their shit out of your house. Any item that you leave behind and might want back or vice versa is just going to remind you of them and make you sad OR serve as a lame excuse to contact them that reeks of desperation and at best will end with ex-sex which, if you don't want to be with them, may be a bad choice. This is extremely painful but it will make you feel better. Additionally, don't hesitate to throw out things they gave you/have a friend hold on to them if it's something you want to keep. Being reminded of that ten minutes that one time that they were attentive and nice and gave you things is NOT conducive to feeling better.

--Consider un-following them on social media. I personally have not done this yet, and maybe I should because I am dreading the moment when something pops up that can be stalkerishly read to indicate that said person has a new girl in their life, and then I feel like murdering. It also curbs the desire/ability to keep interacting with them a bit during those moments when you're lacking the self-control or good sense to avoid an unrewarding interaction.

too many quotes are attributed to Drake, and I'm 90% sure most of them are bullshit. also, doesn't he look like he has a hearing aid in this pic?

--Give into the sadness. Seriously. Dive in to the feelings of betrayal, disappointment, depression, anger, hurt. Let yourself feel them to their full extent and take advantage of the awful clarity that break ups bring into your own faults and the faults of the person you were with. I'm a journaler (moleskines for life), so it's super helpful for me to wallow, put on some sad tunes, and then write down everything that went wrong. In the cold light of the next day, I try to read over it and see what themes come up as being issues in it, in terms of both my actions and theirs.

--Do whatever you want to do for a while. It's that's all sweatpants and junk food and rom-coms that you watch because you just KNOW you will sob through them and crying feels weirdly good, do that. But if it's revenge workouts and green juice and motivational books, do that. Call out of work. Buy all that shit in your online shopping cart. Masturbate, often, or find some new dick to hop on for a while. Don't make any permanent choices though for the first month--you are likely vulnerable at the moment, and that meaningful tat/crazy hair cut may not be what you actually want, and if it is, you can still do it in a month when you've had time to process your shit.


How do you help yourself get through that terrible first month post-breakup? Send me your tips, please!

Much love,
The Sheriff


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