Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Have a lovely New Year's Eve, and be safe!

Much love,

The Sheriff

weight talk in the beauty shop

Last week, I sat in a beauty salon in one of Philly's suburbs, getting my highlights touched up (sidebar: I used to straight up lie to the men in my life about having natural highlights despite spending two hours plus at the salon every six weeks), and listening to the chatter of the stylist and her client next to me. The two were clearly friends, catching up on gossip about mutual pals in between foils in that accent unique to white people from the Philadelphia suburbs and Northeast, where the word "phone" sounds like "phowne" and "ass" sounds like "aye-as." 

I sat immobilized, eavesdropping on these women talk about their friend who had gained a lot of weight recently. Naturally, this turned to the pair talking about their own bodies. One of them bitched that she was always gaining weight in her hips and "aye-as," which puzzled me: aren't big butts a good thing? Am I the only white woman who thinks that a big juicy butt can be a great thing?

They continued, with one of them recounting in precise detail exactly how much she'd weighed at various points in the last few years and the other friend making supportive commentary about those goal posts. Both of them were definitively thin, but were deeply engaged in this discussion about their poundage ups and downs. 

I sat there, face covered with hair, making faces of confusion. Do women really talk to their friends about their weight in this amount of detail? I have almost no idea what any of my friends have ever weighed, and when they did mention it, I've forgotten it. I barely can guesstimate my own weight these days. Are we abnormal for not focusing on this aspect of our lives? Or at least not obsessing over it together? 

Weight talk can be a form of bonding and reassurance, and sometimes very cathartic--telling one of my friends my weight was a very liberating conversation. But I feel that the better thing is to build the confidence in yourself and your crew, and put more priority on the bigger things in life: ambitions, hopes, desires, office gossip. 

Ladies (or men!)--do you know precisely what your friends weigh? Is it a common theme of discussion? 

Much love,

The Sheriff

merry christmas!

Merry Christmas! I hope you spend the day with loved ones, and maybe even talk a little feminism. Normal post on Wednesday. 

Much love,

The Sheriff

friday links

I actually kinda enjoy Jenna Marbles' videos. But I agree that her video last week about "The Slut" was doing too much.

The tragedy in Newtown, CT last Friday was almost unbearable to think about. But if you wanna help? Here's some info.

Some other acts of random kindness that you can do to remind yourself, as the world ends, that there's still goodness!

On a lighter note: Jesus, your imaginary boyfriend.

Much love,
The Sheriff

clothes in the workplace: it's hard out here for a female

I have a new, older co-worker. She's about my mom's age and a lovely person, so I feel protective of her, in some reverse way. She's never worked in an environment like ours before, so I find myself giving her a fair amount of advice about how to handle various issues. She's very passionate about what she does and a nice person.

But GOOD LORD she dressea inappropriately for work. Almost borderline Suri from 30 Rock inappropriate for work. It's hard for me suss out if her age makes it seem more or less appropriate. She clearly goes to the gym and is proud of her body, which everyone deserves to be. But there is something about it that makes me feel bad, because it gives people something to talk about and snicker behind her back about, and no one deserves that.

I fully support someone's right to wear whatever clothes they choose, and I'm all for trying to be non-judgmental of someone regardless of what they're wearing. But the reality of the situation is that what we wear results in judgments about our abilities, our sexuality, and our intelligence, especially for women. It DOES NOT mean that what we wear is an invitation to treat us differently or to ignore non-consent. But you want to have some judgmental, mean thoughts? Keep 'em to yourself!

That being said.

By sharing too much of your body at work, you're putting yourself at a disadvantage to share your great ideas and to show off your mind. It's a touch exchange and it's hard to go back when you've been elected the one who wears revealing clothes.

What do you think? What's the limit at work for you? Do you just skip this whole step and work from home/wear men's suits so no one can question it?

Much love,
The Sheriff

the language of the dating game: predator and prey

As I get older and move closer to the ancient age of my almost mid-twenties, I'm becoming more observant of the subtleties in the way that we explain dating and sex. Listening to the kids that I work with and hearing how they talk about sex and the opposite gender makes it ever more clear to me why the game is rigged so often into a predator and prey dynamic, like watching the Discovery channel. The language of dating is all about a competition, a game of keep away.

Hitting on a girl, and trying to get her number? You "bagged" her. Yes, like a deer, for those of you who know the hunting reference.

Heterosexual men, did you get laid recently after chasing a woman for a while? You "got the panties," as if they're a trophy.


The examples go on and on. The overall messages for each gender that come out of this dynamic are very clear.

Ladies--guard your virtue, keep you legs shut! But if you do it too much, you're just a cunt and a frigid bitch. Too little of the leg-shutting is an automatic stamp of being a whore, which means of course you cannot be wife material (see: Snoop Dogg's "Housewife," which informs us that it is impossible to transform a ho into a housewife. I'd like to see some retribution on that front from female rappers, ASAP).

Men! You're the predators. You're an animal! You must subdue the ladies' natural defenses and attempts to ward off your creepiness in order to be the winner, since this is after all simply a game and you must be the victor.

Does anyone else think this is a healthy dynamic, or that it sets up a good path to healthy relationships? Mmmhmm. I agree. I also think it's the reason why women are so often painted as the predator only in pursuing our ultimate status symbol: the wedding ring. Men are portrayed as falling into our seductive traps in the pursuit of sex, while we lure them into our matrimonial jaws.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to simply try not to speak of dating and sex in such terms. It's a simple change, but it influences how others talk to you as well. If you use terms like "bitch" in place of "woman" and talk about sex like it's a sport, you encourage the people around you to do that too. If you take the high road and try to eschew such language, at least around younger folks, it sets up a better standard of interaction for all of us.

Thoughts?

Much love,
The Sheriff

Friday Links!

WORD!

Remember Monday's post about Christmas toys and gender norming and all that nonsense? Well, this awesome girl is circulating a petition imploring Hasbro to feature boys in the packaging for the Easy Bake Oven so her little bro feels more confident using it!

I really like The Hawkeye Initiative.

FUCK YOU MENSTRUATION. Indeed.

Can dressing modestly improve body image? Interesting take on this.

Have a great weekend!
Much love,
The Sheriff