"She was asking for it"

I was watching Law and Order: SVU a few nights ago, and per usual, the case rubbed my feminist leanings the wrong way. Back story: A girl was raped in a bathroom by a guy on the high school football team (of course) and he was on trial. However, at the trial, the ADA had to drop the case b/c a photo the cops found a photo of the girl flashing another guy at a party a few weeks prior to her rape. The ADA was worried that this photo would undermine the girl's claim that she was raped, because it made her look like "she was asking for it." Later, you find out that guy had given the girl ruffies and then raped her which made her case strong again. I have two major problems with this episode. 1- That "incriminating" photos can be used to establish a sexual history that undermine a woman's claim to having been raped. 2- The ruffies. I watch A LOT of SVU, and almost every case involving rape of teens or college girls involves ruffies. To me, this sends a message that unless you were ruffied, you will find it extremely difficult to prove the rape, and have to accept that your entire sexual history will be open for discussion. (Rarely is the male defendants sexual history open for discussion). SVU tries to address some pretty serious issues which can be both entertaining and informative. Given that it is has been on tv for so long, the show has probably shaped the way that Americans view sex crimes.

The problem of date rape is huge on college campuses and increasingly at high school parties. (SVU features it in many episodes) These days it's hard to find a girl that hasn't felt at least slightly violated or threatened at a party. The problem is that the cases usually come down to "he said, she said." (I'll be honest. Most of my knowledge comes from extensive watching of SVU or reading the occasion newspaper article, so I might be WAY off base here) For a girl to prove that a guy did something to her, she has to prove her purity and innocence. If she drinks a lot or has a lot of sex, then a jury will have difficulty believing that she "wasn't asking for it." While rarely is the sexual history of the guy on display. If he has been accused of this before, then yes, but the fact that he is a man-whore or in a relationship or has pictures of himself drinking on fb isn't discussed. This basically reflects the double standard: guys are expected to be promiscuous, but girls are expected to limit their sexual activity or be "sluts." Anyone who deviates from this standard is seen as abnormal and suspect.

Part of the issues around date-rape is that girl's are seen as the "gatekeepers." (The book I read on sex talked about this). Guys rely on girls for signals to continue. (opening or closing the gate) But at the same time, guys expect girls to say "no" without really meaning it. Most of the guys interviewed in the book, "Gender and Sexual Agency," said that if a girl says "no", they expect her not to mean it especially if she had been flirting with him etc earlier. (The author asked them to describe a situation of date-rape, so this is not from personal experience necessarily). According to them, date-rape happened when a girl forcibly said "no" and started to struggle, and the guy continued. (I totally agree with this btw). But I also think that there are a lot more places for date-rape to occur. A girl can feel taken advantage of or pushed too far in many stages of a sexual encounter.

I guess it goes back (as always) to enthusiastic consent and both sexes being vocal about what they want. If people had the agency to say, "let's bang" instead of waiting for signals or "opening gates," then maybe things would be a little bit better.

Lots of Love,
Lady Lola