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Today's post isn't about cat-calling (I've written about that quite a bit, but good Lord, they constantly come up with new disgusting outrageous shit to yell out their cars), but a different sort of bodily-attention that's been on my radar lately.
If you're any extreme of the spectrum (short/tall/large of boob/pale/insert adjective here), you've probably had someone come up to you in almost disbelief and exclaim "Wow! You're really tall (or short or whatever)," a phrase I can admit to exclaiming. But it gets a little more personal when it's something like "Look at you, so perky!" as an elderly lady said to me last week in the locker room while I was changing. I didn't know her, we weren't talking, but she found it perfectly appropriate to make commentary on my body. I and many large-chested friends have had many folks tell us "Your boobs are big!" as if this is supposed to be a revelation. Wait, really? They're large? THAT'S why my sports bras are so uncomfortable and I can't wear strapless dresses without looking trashy-trash. Thank god you were here to relate that to me! I'm free at last.
But sometimes, these words are intended to be complimentary. Despite my vulnerable position of being butt-ass naked, the elderly lady meant no harm and posed no threat to me in her words: surely she meant them to be nice and maybe I even reminded her of her once perky self too. Still and all, she had no right to comment like that on my naked body, pleasantly or no. The Albright Sex Fairies are well-known for our lavish compliments to each other where we gush about how lovely/gorgeous/sexy we are for our various physical attributes.
But does this kind of commentary just encourage envy and jealousy? Is it just harmless, if occasionally stupid and uncomfortable to hear? I think it's a careful line to walk, especially because the glow from a good compliment can last for days. However, it also reinforces the idea that external validation from friends, family, and strangers is more important than how you feel about your body, mind, and soul, and I don't like that.
What say you?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Most people find it very easy to give compliments, and very difficult to take them. When I am with a girl I typically shower her with compliments, and she usually responds with some level of embarrassment. On the other hand, a couple of nights ago a girl I was on a date with called me gorgeous, and I promptly burst into laughter. Society has taught women--and also men--to be insecure about our bodies, so when we are complimented on them, we typically assume that the complimenter is lying to be nice or for some nefarious motive.
ReplyDeleteI think that if people learned to love their bodies, they would be more comfortable being complimented on them. I'm still struggling to love my body, but I'm starting to believe people who tell me I'm gorgeous or sexy (meanwhile, my ego is inflating like a moonbounce). This is one of the saddest things about our body-negative culture, when people can't take a compliment on how pretty they are.
Which is not to say that it's not weird that some stranger called you perky. Perky is a weird adjective to use in describing someone.