how to have a one night stand

Over drinks in Manayunk over a month ago (IT'S BEEN TOO LONG GUYS), a friend asked me: how do you actually have a one night stand? The directions seem simple:

1. Find person of appropriate attractiveness.
2. Attract them.
3. SEXY TIMES!

But her question was getting at more of an emotional question: how do you resist the urge to try to connect with them in a bigger way, if you really just want no-strings-attached fun? How do you just let it be that one, hopefully fun, night and keep it moving?

I've had a small number of true one night stands, where it happened and then there was no talking again. Far more of those interactions evolved into one of those friends-with-benefits situations, where a "what're you up to tonight" text turns into a night of takeout and doin' it (well...thanks LL). But as for the successfully NSA fun kind of nights, I realized as I was talking to her about this that I had a very simple and effective two prong approach.

1. Do not get their phone number, and definitely don't give them yours. If you truly want a one time, easy thing, don't give them the idea that it could be a more regular thing or blossom into some type of emotional connection. Does this feel a little more sleazy than pretending that you'd like to see them again or take them out for dinner? Sure. But so what?! It's a one night stand. It's not meant to be a way to judge your moral actions or if you're a good person. It's about satisfaction.

2. Pretend they're dead (or castrated, if you must see them again). This is the part that I was not totally aware that I thought, but it makes the first part of my approach far more effective. If they're dead to you/castrated, then you won't be tempted to contact them again for sex or coffee or whatever flimsy cover you're using if it's someone you already interact with like a classmate or co-worker, but you can still interact with them if you must.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that part of them being dead. It's sort of an objectification of the person, in that after the boning has finished, they're dead to you. But if it protects you emotionally, and you're clear that they're after the same kind of night that you are, who cares? As long as it doesn't result in mistreating said person, it seems harmless to me.

Do you agree? How do you maintain emotional distance in one night stands? Talk to me.

Much love,
The Sheriff