body hair

Almost every woman on the planet has some sort of horror story about the first time she tried shaving her legs or using Nair: razor burn, severe irritation, THE BLOOD. But despite these traumatic beginnings, the majority of us somehow get over it and keep shaving 'em and Nairing 'em for decades with a few stretches of hairy legs to break it up. I recently went for three weeks without shaving because life was busy/I wasn't seeing Meatball during that time/it's winter in New England/I go to Smith (true story: I once almost complimented a girl on her patterned tights...which I then realized was her leg hair. Glad I kept my mouth shut). It felt surprisingly nice to just not give a fuck.

But it felt at least as nice to finally machete that shit and have some silky smooth gams again. There's a certain pleasure in feeling fabrics against smooth skin and knowing that your legs look good in shorts at the gym.

That being said, of course, that sense of "good" is also defined by a really arbitrary set of beauty standards (women should be hairless, except for their heads which should have silky long flowing locks and their perfectly manicured eyebrows). There's really no advantage to be obtained by having hairless legs unless you're a swimmer seeking to cut down on times; it's not better for your health and it won't prevent disease.

But it's also not, to me anyway, terribly oppressive. It's not expensive, it's not difficult, sometimes when I go several weeks without tending to it it's time consuming but not on the regular. It just feels good, especially in the hotter months. Is that so wrong? Or is it okay because it's an examined, informed choice? If it's not an informed choice and we're just shaving because we think we should, is it inherently bad and oppressive? Is it bad because it's become expected of women in order for them to be considered attractive/sexy/beautiful?

Whatchu say?

Much love,
The Sheriff

(in)famous

No real post for today (just got back from spring break and OMG SO MUCH TO DO RIGHT THIS INSTANT), but for some lolz, check out beforeyouwerehot.com, which should be featuring myself and my (almost) lifelong best friend at some point today! And now you all know what I look like. I feel closer to you already.

Have a great Monday!

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Much love,
The Sheriff

saturday links

Short list this week because the Sheriff (and all of Smith) is on spring break in lovely southeastern PA! It's been warm and relaxing.

This is an oldie but a goodie: 15 aspects to be recognized in 3rd wave feminism.

10 things I learned from Ina May Gaskin about birth.

I wish I spent my break looking at these sunsets. Beautiful!

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Much love,
The Sheriff

Bloggers' Day Of Silence for Japan

There is no way you've not heard of the sheer devastation that has happened in Japan as a result of the tsunami and earthquakes, and the coverage I've seen of it is utterly heartbreaking. I encourage you all to donate (I just did!) and I'll be observing the bloggers' day of silence tomorrow in honor of the disaster. Links will be on Saturday!

Much love,
The Sheriff

breast implants (and other enhancements): get the judgment face in check

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Last week, I was getting my hair cut at Salon 241 in Northampton. I've been seeing the same stylist there for a while, and I relish getting my hair done: someone rubbing my head and neck and making me feel pretty and listening to my problems? Hell yes. But this time, our conversation took an interesting turn.

As you can imagine based on this blog's contents, I'm not one to censor myself and was complaining to her about wanting to run more often but hating the actual running part because I'm large-of-boob and my sports bra is great at containing my chest but it hurts after a while. She said without hesitation,"Oh, I'd kill for your size! After I have another kid, I'm getting implants."

I was a little shocked by this for several reasons, but managed to reason through most of my questions. Why would anyone want bigger boobs (it's hard for me to wrap my head around as I've had a huge rack seemingly since birth, but I know that some people truly feel they'd have better self-image, a better silhouette, whatever it may be with more titties)? How could someone in crunchy, love-yourself-even-without-a-shower Northampton fixate on something superficial like this (because they're a human and exposed to media images of beauty that involve big tits and work in the beauty industry)?

But I was mostly surprised by my knee-jerk reaction: I was disappointed by her. I didn't want her to be the type of woman to get implants, to be that shallow. And that's wrong of me. I fear the same judgment for occasionally going tanning  in the depths of winter (even now, I want to justify it: it's just nice to be warm once in a while when New England is negative degrees from November to March!) and being worried that I'll be cast as "one of those girls" who goes tanning.

Part of this, for me, comes from the fact that it just feels unfair for these women to accrue the social capital that comes from having socially-approved looks without having to "work" for it. As Courtney Martin writes in Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, "A hot bod and sultry sophistication are immediately powerful. The rest  is slow redemption." The power and the privilege that come wrapped up with what our society deems attractive (usually white, young, thin, able-bodied, wealthy to maintain it, etc) are instantaneous, and if I'm being honest, the feedback feels great. Working hard for As and trying to find a meaningful job and saving the world hold gratification too, of course. But it's delayed, making the power of appearance that much more potent in comparison.

Furthermore, there's an association that goes with certain beauty-related procedures that means that women who chooses to get a fake tan or implants or lip or bleach her hair or or lose weight for their wedding or get long acrylic nails are stupid and lacking in depth. And guys? That ain't fair or accurate.


What do you think? Do you ever find yourself judging and put it in check? Or do you continue to judge since some of these acts are dangerous?


Much love,
The Sheriff

herd mentality

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Between the gang rape of an 11-year old girl by 18 young men in Texas (and its despicably poor coverage by the New York Times) and this horrifying email from a frat (though updates from USC claim that it did not originate there) explaining how to be a "cocksman," it has undeniably been a horrific week for women at the hands of men with a herd mentality.

I've bitched before to Meatball about this, but one of the main obstacles to women being treated as true equals to men in every sense of the word is not individual men: it's men as a group. It helps institutionalize oppression even in informal channels. One man by himself absolutely has the capacity to be respectful and to listen to the word "no" and to keep himself from ogling unnecessarily. Add in one or two bros, or worse yet a whole sports team or fraternity, and that demeanor of being a civilized individual is out the fucking window.  I've seen it with my brother, my dad, and absolutely reflected in American culture.

As Tommy Lee Jones said in Men in Black, "A person is smart. People are stupid." Maybe one of those frat brothers alone would never have said or thought anything so crude about another fucking human being, but add in social pressures, ego, the need to demonstrate manliness (whatever that is), and you've got an incredibly offensive and sexist set of beliefs and statements that group identity helps enforce (surprise!). You feel the need to assert your ability to belong to a group based on what you assume that means, and more often than not for men seeking to illustrate just how manly they are, this is demonstrated vis-a-vis women and their bodies.

And I'm fucking sick of it.

Men, we expect better of you. Period. Talk to each other about how this shit is not okay, and not just the nice guys you know will agree: take on the task of talking to your teenage brother brimming with hormones or before a night out, mention to your crude bros that non-consent and rape are in fact the same thing. Activism and changing the world don't have to be protests and marches and petitions (though these are well and good). It can be as simple as a conversation or sharing an article and I challenge you to do something towards that end this week.

What do you think? Is herd mentality that bad/dangerous?

Much love,
The Sheriff

link time

Group offers scholarships to the needy...white men. Ain't that something?

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Why you're not married. Favorite part: "Love is an opportunity that whispers at your doorstep, but most people don’t hear it, because they’re too busy talking about themselves loudly."

You can add your stories/important women in your life into this archive! SUPER cool. 

Research confirms what I've been sayin' forever: go easy on yourself.

These diptychs are so interesting!

Everything you wanted to know about dino sex!

Much love,
The Sheriff