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I've bitched before to Meatball about this, but one of the main obstacles to women being treated as true equals to men in every sense of the word is not individual men: it's men as a group. It helps institutionalize oppression even in informal channels. One man by himself absolutely has the capacity to be respectful and to listen to the word "no" and to keep himself from ogling unnecessarily. Add in one or two bros, or worse yet a whole sports team or fraternity, and that demeanor of being a civilized individual is out the fucking window. I've seen it with my brother, my dad, and absolutely reflected in American culture.
As Tommy Lee Jones said in Men in Black, "A person is smart. People are stupid." Maybe one of those frat brothers alone would never have said or thought anything so crude about another fucking human being, but add in social pressures, ego, the need to demonstrate manliness (whatever that is), and you've got an incredibly offensive and sexist set of beliefs and statements that group identity helps enforce (surprise!). You feel the need to assert your ability to belong to a group based on what you assume that means, and more often than not for men seeking to illustrate just how manly they are, this is demonstrated vis-a-vis women and their bodies.
And I'm fucking sick of it.
Men, we expect better of you. Period. Talk to each other about how this shit is not okay, and not just the nice guys you know will agree: take on the task of talking to your teenage brother brimming with hormones or before a night out, mention to your crude bros that non-consent and rape are in fact the same thing. Activism and changing the world don't have to be protests and marches and petitions (though these are well and good). It can be as simple as a conversation or sharing an article and I challenge you to do something towards that end this week.
What do you think? Is herd mentality that bad/dangerous?
Much love,
The Sheriff
I used to go to trivia night at a bar with friends from work. The dude-lady ratio was typically 3-2 or thereabouts. Always lots of fun. One time it happened to be 6 guys and me and it was HORRIBLE. Of those guys there was only one I butted heads with from time to time; the others were all great. But that night every joke was sexist or fucked up in some other way, they were cruel to each other and picked on me, just ugh. I never went to trivia night again. I've wondered (and maybe guy readers can weigh in) if that happens because there is a ladyperson present, or would it have been worse had I not been there? I lost a lot of respect for those guys and it makes me wonder how other guys I like act when I'm not around.
ReplyDeleteI wonder about how men act when women aren't around too. I've often hung out with groups of men as the only woman, and the jokes are invariably racist, sexist, or just mean (picking on each other in a way that goes far beyond the things that are okay or even funny to say out loud). I wonder if they just feed off of the one asshole in the group (there's always at least one) and amp up the commentary to a raunchier/meaner level in response to each other.
ReplyDeleteBut having hung out in a frat house and heard men talking about women through the walls, they say some FUCKED UP shit when they think no one is listening.
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