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As you can imagine based on this blog's contents, I'm not one to censor myself and was complaining to her about wanting to run more often but hating the actual running part because I'm large-of-boob and my sports bra is great at containing my chest but it hurts after a while. She said without hesitation,"Oh, I'd kill for your size! After I have another kid, I'm getting implants."
I was a little shocked by this for several reasons, but managed to reason through most of my questions. Why would anyone want bigger boobs (it's hard for me to wrap my head around as I've had a huge rack seemingly since birth, but I know that some people truly feel they'd have better self-image, a better silhouette, whatever it may be with more titties)? How could someone in crunchy, love-yourself-even-without-a-shower Northampton fixate on something superficial like this (because they're a human and exposed to media images of beauty that involve big tits and work in the beauty industry)?
But I was mostly surprised by my knee-jerk reaction: I was disappointed by her. I didn't want her to be the type of woman to get implants, to be that shallow. And that's wrong of me. I fear the same judgment for occasionally going tanning in the depths of winter (even now, I want to justify it: it's just nice to be warm once in a while when New England is negative degrees from November to March!) and being worried that I'll be cast as "one of those girls" who goes tanning.
Part of this, for me, comes from the fact that it just feels unfair for these women to accrue the social capital that comes from having socially-approved looks without having to "work" for it. As Courtney Martin writes in Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, "A hot bod and sultry sophistication are immediately powerful. The rest is slow redemption." The power and the privilege that come wrapped up with what our society deems attractive (usually white, young, thin, able-bodied, wealthy to maintain it, etc) are instantaneous, and if I'm being honest, the feedback feels great. Working hard for As and trying to find a meaningful job and saving the world hold gratification too, of course. But it's delayed, making the power of appearance that much more potent in comparison.
Furthermore, there's an association that goes with certain beauty-related procedures that means that women who chooses to get a fake tan or implants or lip or bleach her hair or or lose weight for their wedding or get long acrylic nails are stupid and lacking in depth. And guys? That ain't fair or accurate.
What do you think? Do you ever find yourself judging and put it in check? Or do you continue to judge since some of these acts are dangerous?
Much love,
The Sheriff
I continue to judge, but I think it's mostly due to the risk of unsafe procedures, such as surgical implants and tanning beds. It's hypocritical because I like to be tan, but I buy spray tan or use SPF and go outside in the summer. I, like most women, want to appear a certain way and am influenced by certain societal standards of beauty. However, I think it's just plain dumb to go under the knife or risk skin cancer because of beauty standards. Well, risking cancer is also hypocritical of me, since I smoke. So basically I'm a judgmental hypocrite. But I think I'm ok with that, because most of us are in one way or another.
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard thing to respond to, if at all- while it is a personal choice, it's not one that's good for people, given the aforementioned health risks and the subsequent dependence on getting the implants replaced every 5 years /for the rest of your life/. I think I would choose, instead, to tell someone that, if they have the kind of money needed to begin to consider such an operation, they should also think about what else they could spend that money on that would bring them joy. The day that I permanently abandoned caring about my appearance was the day that I realized that telescopes and computers bring me more permanent happiness than designer clothes or makeup. Even if most people aren't as geeky as me, I'm sure there's something else they would rather save up for than going under the knife.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there are people who /need/ this sort of thing to be able to live with their bodies, and I would not begrudge them the needed self-esteem boost.
-marsjunkiegirl
I am only going to write about the personal experience I had because, until they come up with silicone dong implants, this isn't really an issue that affects me. For a brief period I dated a woman who had had implants, although I didn't realize it until she told me (I just thought that they were strangely firm). She told me that she had originally gone to a plastic surgeon to get them reshaped, because she said she really didn't like the shape of her original breasts. He told her it made more sense to get implants, so she got relatively small ones. She seemed happy with her decision.
ReplyDeleteTom, you should perhaps campaign for silicone dong implants. True equality!
ReplyDeleteRachel-I know, I'm a judgmental hypocrite too (I judge people who smoke and think they're dumb, but at least five times a year, I go tanning...and that makes me smarter how?)! Not sure anyone is free from that.
Marsjunkiegirl-I think a telescope would be amazing too...but for some people, I think the gratification of "instantly" (put in quotes for the lengthy recovery process associated with most plastic surgery procedures) looking better is hard to beat.