why go unprivate?

This blog has sadly vacillated between public and private depending on my employment needs at the time.

But I've decided that (hopefully for the foreseeable future!), this purdy little blog shall be public.

Why?

Because more people can read and discuss it. And that's always better.

Because having it private feels claustrophobic and breaks my heart. Sure, having it public feels scary and anxiety-provoking too. But that's okay.

Because it's just easier for ya'll.

So feel free to spread the word and enjoy the free and open FF!

Much love,
The Sheriff

PS--Follow on Twitter (because I have 8 followers right now and that's sad)!

friday links

This woman bravely took photos of her own abortion.

Why six year old girls want to be sexy.

On a happier note about children--one 8 year old's reasons why being a girl rocks.

How to stay out of jail while pregnant. What the what.

People always be in a powerful lady's business--Mayer, new Yahoo exec, is pregnant.

Much love,
The Sheriff

want a cure for your body image woes? go outside

Somehow, even with as much as I know about how women's magazines just make me feel fat and ugly and poor, I buy them every month. The glossy covers and promises of quick solutions and quick read articles just suck me in and waste my money. Like a true addict, I always have promises to stop but can't quite commit to sobriety.

But sometimes, these magazines have true nuggets of wisdom buried in the articles about how to control your disgusting body, and this month's issue of Fitness magazine had just such a bit. It said that a recent study found that spending time in nature improves your body image. They suggest that without mirrors and other things that can lead to obsessiveness over appearances, you're able to silence your inner critic better.

Having worked at an outdoorsy summer camp for the last month, I can speak to this being true. Further, it helps that when one is in nature, one is rarely wearing work pants that require you to button them up (sometimes quite tightly) and suck in your gut, but is more likely to wear workout clothes that let you move freely without being perpetually aware of how tight your clothes are.

But I think there's another reason that being in nature works so well to heal your body image wounds: it makes you get lost in something bigger than yourself. It's hard to worry about how big your thighs are when you're standing among the redwoods.

It's not always possible to have this kind of escape, though. Living in Philadelphia, there's tons of parks but I don't always have the chance to get to one and wonder around and appreciate the flowers (or I do, but it's night time and I just don't trust Philly parks at night). What to do then? I try to get lost in something. Anything. Something that makes your heart beat faster, whether that's comic books or writing or watching videos of cats online, takes you outside of your petty body concerns and into the better part of yourself. The part that knows that you're bigger than your body.


Much love,
The Sheriff

refusing to be a doormat or a harpy

I agree with those who say that the girl who addressed Tosh in the middle of his set was not necessarily going about it the right way--indeed, she is a fucking heckler, as pointed out by BennyBoo in the comments.

So how do we practically address sexism in everyday life, in jokes, in conversations, on the interwebs? And, for people who work directly with kids who are little sponges waiting to absorb all the nasty biases that surround them, how do we address it in the classroom or workplace?

Recently, I had this issue. I'm working at a summer camp for absurdly rich children, and the man who runs the camp has done this his whole life, and based on his clothes and treatment of female campers, I think it's safe to say that he's firmly stuck in the late 1950s/early 1960s. A man of the times he ain't. But a sexist? Perhaps. One of the other counselors was talking about a case of extreme Stockholm syndrome in which a woman who had been brutally beaten by her husband (as in, her face was distorted and fucked up from daily brutality), but she testified and swore up and down that he had never hurt her. My classy boss then makes the remark, "Wow, where do I find a woman like that?" and chuckled. My whole face got hot and I awkwardly said, "That's not really funny," and walked away.


Was this a perfect response? Nah. I felt like I should've done more.  But at least he saw that it was not a remark I took to be humorous and that those kinds of comments are not appropriate with employees (or, ya know, anybody).

So how can we point out sexism and things that are fucked up without coming across as shrew harpies (NOT because it matters if you come off brash, but because it makes people less inclined to hear your potent and real message)? A few tips.

*Don't be accusatory. People rarely, if ever, want to hear someone tell them about themselves, especially if that includes that they are being a sexist bigot.

*Stick to facts and calm statements. I.e., saying "What you said about women/other races/gays made me uncomfortable/isn't appropriate/is untrue/is not funny," is likely to be heard and maybe even successfully discussed. "You always say sexist things!" is not.

*Don't talk over people's heads. If your ancient uncle Morty still thinks it's okay to slap a waitress's ass as she walks by, spitting feminist theory at him is likely to overwhelm, alienate, and frustrate him. Also, it makes you sound douchey.

How have you addressed sexism in the workplace/world/internets? Has it been well received, or are you too just a shrew harpy? Talk to me.

Much love,
The Sheriff

friday links

I haven't yet read Fifty Shades of Grey (although my Mama has it on her nightstand!), but this review of it is amazing.

For my nerd ladies.

What the FUCK? Kate Upton apparently can be called fat now.

The woman who stood up to Joe Paterno. This lady reminds me of little Sheriff fighting the wrestling team's power in my hometown.

Have a great weekend!

Much love,
The Sheriff

it's not funny: tosh's rape joke

Surely you've heard by now about Daniel Tosh's rape joke incident, but for those not so on top of the latest offensive happenings, here's a brief synopsis: Tosh is performing and says that anything can be funny, including rape. Woman in the crowd responds that rape isn't funny (you go girl), and Tosh responds thusly: "Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl [referring to an audience member who “heckled” him about rape jokes not being funny earlier in his set] got raped by, like, five guys right now? Like right now?”

 My thoughts:

A. Rape jokes aren't really funny. Jokes in which a woman or man is forcibly penetrated or violated? Not hilarious. Not even funny when they're about Jerry Sandusky (perhaps a form of just desserts, but not funny per se).

B. What Tosh said to that woman was a personal attack, a form of bullying, and a tacit endorsement of our rape culture. What? Yes. Jokes are intended to poke fun at our culture, to make us think, to make us laugh. His statement that wouldn't it be funny if she was raped, by like, five guys, right now, is none of those thinks. It is a reflection of our culture in which rape is an acceptable way to keep women in line. Of keeping them from heckling "nice guys" like Tosh while they go about their very important business of entertaining. Of making sure that they abide by certain societal expectations and rules that regulate their behavior, their dress, and their appearance. Of keeping us afraid.


What do you think? Am I being too harsh on poor little Tosh? Or is it true that some shit just isn't funny?

Much love,
The Sheriff

different sex drives: how to keep it balanced and still hot

Not everyone is as into sex as I am. Shocking, I know, given my fondness for vibrators and discussing birth control and VCH piercings, but sometimes this fact still surprises me. And not just not "into" it, but also wanting less of it. People have drastically different preferences and desires. But when you're in a sexual relationship and you and your partner are on opposite sides of the spectrum sex-drive wise, it can be deeply frustrating and even hurtful.

Dips in libido can be caused by any manner of shit (mostly bad shit too): stress, big changes, depression, medical problems, new babies, fatigue. We've all experienced at least one of these factors at some point in time, but sometimes when it's our partner rejecting our tender (or, per the Sheriff's style, blatant) advances, it can be difficult to remember that libido changes over time. But pressuring your partner ain't likely to lead to the great sexual experience and connection you're after anyway.

So. How do you deal when your partner wants more or less of the deed than you do?

This is a biggie (and by no means easy to do): have some compassion with where they're coming from. This applies to both parties--if your girl wants to get it on less often than you do because she's studying for her LSATs and juggling a job, it might be time to lay off and cuddle more often, perhaps taking your needs into your own hands. Generally, changes in libido are temporary--they won't last forever, and while it might feel that way when it's been seemingly ages since you got laid, your partner is sure to appreciate that you were able to put their needs above your own urges.

On the other hand, if you find yourself being the one saying no more frequently, it might be worth it to consider how much you can give your partner without feeling like you're just a sexual doormat. While owning your desire is deeply important and empowering, within a relationship it is also of paramount importance to think of your partner's feelings too. If you turn them down on the regular, eventually they'll start to feel that their desires aren't legitimate, which blows. So, if you're the person without the time, energy, or mood, look at if you can offer them a bit of affection or even meet them halfway on occasion by helping them get off. These gestures go a long way.

Above all else, both people need to keep in mind that their partner ISN'T THEM and doesn't always feel the way they do about gettin' it in (Sheriff struggles with this at times), and to have some mercy for where their sexual buddy is coming from.

Have you ever had drastically different libidos than your partner? How did you work it out?

Much love,
The Sheriff