refusing to be a doormat or a harpy

I agree with those who say that the girl who addressed Tosh in the middle of his set was not necessarily going about it the right way--indeed, she is a fucking heckler, as pointed out by BennyBoo in the comments.

So how do we practically address sexism in everyday life, in jokes, in conversations, on the interwebs? And, for people who work directly with kids who are little sponges waiting to absorb all the nasty biases that surround them, how do we address it in the classroom or workplace?

Recently, I had this issue. I'm working at a summer camp for absurdly rich children, and the man who runs the camp has done this his whole life, and based on his clothes and treatment of female campers, I think it's safe to say that he's firmly stuck in the late 1950s/early 1960s. A man of the times he ain't. But a sexist? Perhaps. One of the other counselors was talking about a case of extreme Stockholm syndrome in which a woman who had been brutally beaten by her husband (as in, her face was distorted and fucked up from daily brutality), but she testified and swore up and down that he had never hurt her. My classy boss then makes the remark, "Wow, where do I find a woman like that?" and chuckled. My whole face got hot and I awkwardly said, "That's not really funny," and walked away.


Was this a perfect response? Nah. I felt like I should've done more.  But at least he saw that it was not a remark I took to be humorous and that those kinds of comments are not appropriate with employees (or, ya know, anybody).

So how can we point out sexism and things that are fucked up without coming across as shrew harpies (NOT because it matters if you come off brash, but because it makes people less inclined to hear your potent and real message)? A few tips.

*Don't be accusatory. People rarely, if ever, want to hear someone tell them about themselves, especially if that includes that they are being a sexist bigot.

*Stick to facts and calm statements. I.e., saying "What you said about women/other races/gays made me uncomfortable/isn't appropriate/is untrue/is not funny," is likely to be heard and maybe even successfully discussed. "You always say sexist things!" is not.

*Don't talk over people's heads. If your ancient uncle Morty still thinks it's okay to slap a waitress's ass as she walks by, spitting feminist theory at him is likely to overwhelm, alienate, and frustrate him. Also, it makes you sound douchey.

How have you addressed sexism in the workplace/world/internets? Has it been well received, or are you too just a shrew harpy? Talk to me.

Much love,
The Sheriff