Not everyone is as into sex as I am. Shocking, I know, given my fondness for vibrators and discussing birth control and VCH piercings, but sometimes this fact still surprises me. And not just not "into" it, but also wanting less of it. People have drastically different preferences and desires. But when you're in a sexual relationship and you and your partner are on opposite sides of the spectrum sex-drive wise, it can be deeply frustrating and even hurtful.
Dips in libido can be caused by any manner of shit (mostly bad shit too): stress, big changes, depression, medical problems, new babies, fatigue. We've all experienced at least one of these factors at some point in time, but sometimes when it's our partner rejecting our tender (or, per the Sheriff's style, blatant) advances, it can be difficult to remember that libido changes over time. But pressuring your partner ain't likely to lead to the great sexual experience and connection you're after anyway.
So. How do you deal when your partner wants more or less of the deed than you do?
This is a biggie (and by no means easy to do): have some compassion with where they're coming from. This applies to both parties--if your girl wants to get it on less often than you do because she's studying for her LSATs and juggling a job, it might be time to lay off and cuddle more often, perhaps taking your needs into your own hands. Generally, changes in libido are temporary--they won't last forever, and while it might feel that way when it's been seemingly ages since you got laid, your partner is sure to appreciate that you were able to put their needs above your own urges.
On the other hand, if you find yourself being the one saying no more frequently, it might be worth it to consider how much you can give your partner without feeling like you're just a sexual doormat. While owning your desire is deeply important and empowering, within a relationship it is also of paramount importance to think of your partner's feelings too. If you turn them down on the regular, eventually they'll start to feel that their desires aren't legitimate, which blows. So, if you're the person without the time, energy, or mood, look at if you can offer them a bit of affection or even meet them halfway on occasion by helping them get off. These gestures go a long way.
Above all else, both people need to keep in mind that their partner ISN'T THEM and doesn't always feel the way they do about gettin' it in (Sheriff struggles with this at times), and to have some mercy for where their sexual buddy is coming from.
Have you ever had drastically different libidos than your partner? How did you work it out?
Much love,
The Sheriff
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