Slut (standard definition): a woman who engages in a variety of sexual activity.
Hmm, same definition and therein lies my problem. According to this popular definition, I am a slut but I do not agree. The word slut robs women of their sexual agency because it assumes that any woman who undertakes sexual activity outside of a relationship does so because she needs men to validate her sense of self-worth whereas that is not always the case. Someone I know recently described the word slut as the sound that old mashed potatoes make when they hit the ground. The word man-whore simply describes men who engages in sexual activity without any positive or negative connotations because people assume that men always have sexual agency. (Although I don't know how many people use the term man-whore while slut is used all-too liberally) Thus, the concept of man having sex too much does not exist. In fact, I recently called a guy a man-whore and he looked at me like I was crazy. I replied "what, you are." By calling men man-whores, I am trying to delineate this difference; men can't have too much sex while women can. Men can have casual, "I just wanted to get some sex" but for women, sex always means "something" or she got hurt in the process of a one night stand. I'm not saying that a one-night stand is the best form of sexual interaction (usually it's not) or that women can't get hurt in the process (cause they can) but all I want is the ability for women to have sex with who they want and when they want without being called a slut or whore. Plus, in my experience (again just mine) one-night stands or casual-hookups have caused less damage to my emotional well-being than long-term relationships. Just because society tells me that a relationship is "better" or "healthier" does not mean that society is right.
The female equivalent of man-whore, whore, carries the same amount of social baggage as slut. It's a problem of language. A woman who lives her sexual life as she desires can describe herself as "sexually liberated" or an "empowered woman" but these terms have no "sex-appeal," no shine or sparkle. I am in search of term to describe a sexually-liberated woman that does not make me sound like a crazy lunatic who does not shave her armpits. Please let me know if you come up with one.
Special note: Everyone should keep in mind that I am an equal opportunity objectifer. If men want to objectify me (as a woman) in their speech, songs, or other forms of media, that is fine as long as they will accept the fact that I (as a woman) have every right to objectify them in an equal manner. I do not necessarily think that people should objectify each other but if I am fighting for equality, then this is honestly the easier option.
While I do enjoy the concept of equal opportunity objectifying (and participate whole-heartedly) I don't think that treating men the same disrespectful way that sexist men treat women will necessarily make anything better for either of us. Why don't we just all respect that everyone is a sexual being and take the words man-whore and slut out of our vocabulary all together? If women stop expecting men to be insensitive, penis-driven assholes who only want sex, maybe the images they see in the media representing manhood will start to change and they won't feel so much pressure to uphold the objectification and subjugation of women as an assertion of their "manliness".
ReplyDeleteI agree... when men can cry, women's lots will vastly improve.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily; the problem with this kind of objectification is that it exists within a patriarchal framework, which really isn't getting anything done except forcing women to accept the male gaze as a normal sexuality, and redirect it upon men, who only benefit from this. No matter what, words like "whore" will never truly apply to men because in the society we live in, women are the sex class and men are the ruling class; the only way to circumnavigate this is to destroy these distinctions and liberate women from the established sexual status quo.
ReplyDeleteAll sex within this kind of framework is a power exchange, from the dominant class to the submissive class; this conceptualization of sexuality is found in a wide spectrum of orientations because, in a patriarchal society, this is the only way in which we can conceive of sex. What is feminist sex? It doesn't yet exist because we don't yet have the tools to define it. True female sexual liberation does not yet exist because true female liberation has not yet been achieved.
- Rhian