I apologize for my absence once again, but unfortunately, the Sheriff's beloved home has been experiencing Internet issues for the past four days that darling Jason at ITS finally cleared up. I HATE having any more than two days go between posts, but it just wasn't happening.
Anyway.
I've heard from a few friends who know me well that they've got friends reading this blog who think I'm some sort of radical butch with armpit hair. And I'm not hatin' on that identity or persona at all (because that's who I used to be in late middle school), but that ain't me. I'm blonde, short, green eyed, and hourglassy. I look almost identical to Kristen Bell but with hips, tits, and ass. But why is how I look important?
Because being what our culture deems as "pretty" is a very real form of privilege. There's no real dialogue about this, aside from angry jealous snippets among friends ("You're so skinny!" "But you have a double eyelid!" etc), because to admit one's privilege in this instance is something we've been conditioned and taught to be uncomfortable with. It's impolite to admit your own beauty, and with the preponderance of plastic surgery and cosmetics to "fix" your "flaws," we certainly haven't built much of a culture to sustain that admission anyway.
With an appearance that conforms to expectations of my gender, I never have to worry about people questioning my right to use a restroom because of short hair, or be concerned that I'll face discrimination or threats to my personal safety for transgressing the gender binary. Over the summer, when I worked with teens, I think most parents felt comfortable leaving their daughter with me not just because of my stunning intellect or confident manner, but because I present myself in a way that leaves their vision of the world and gender unmolested. My appearance doesn't raise questions (except if my breasts are real, which I get asked by complete strangers with unfortunate frequency).
But there are drawbacks to adhering to a beauty standard. Women applying for "masculine" jobs, like mechanical engineering, finance, and construction, face considerable discrimination when they're seen as attractive. And personally, while I think my looks make people feel comfortable around me, the combination of chesty and blonde usually results in people initially judging my IQ and abilities harshly, and then being pleasantly surprised when I prove myself competent (because cup size and intellectual capacity are obviously correlated).
But I also look at that as my secret weapon, especially with regards to spreading my feminist views. No one really expects to get an earful about sexual inequality when they approach me in a bar, but they usually do. Further, I think my standard conforming looks allow for people not usually inclined to care much about women's issues, especially when they're hearing it from someone who judges their choices about makeup and body hair removal, to listen and to take it seriously because it's coming from someone they can relate to.
Much love,
Sheriff
I like this post, but I am hesitant to call prettiness itself a form of privilege, actually. I think I would more comfortable calling pretty the intersection of many privileges - what our society views as pretty is basically white privilege, able-bodied privilege, etc. I wouldn't want to call it a privilege unto itself because, as you pointed out, even if someone's deemed pretty by societal standards, patriarchy's going to continue to shit all over them. So I would agree that our society privileges pretty women, but I don't think it's a social privilege, necessarily, but rather many different privileges all happening at once and the overall outcome is "pretty."
ReplyDelete- Rhian
Interestingly, I've also had the experience of pretty leading people to assume that I hold certain other privileges. When I was working for that summer program, one of the girls and I wound up talking about where I was from and when I told her my family is pretty working-class, her response was, "But you're so pretty!"
ReplyDeleteWhich just confused the hell out of me.
--The Sheriff
what does that even mean??? haha. I'm as confused as you are!
ReplyDeleteI also just want to add that I'm glad that you're addressing this. I've seen too many feminist blogs attack these kind of posts on prettiness as being frivolous, but I think that they are really important. Pretty also tends to mean fairly femme-presenting, which I think is another important aspect of this kind of examination.
- R.
I attended a workshop at a Pedagogy of Privilege conference on "Pretty Privilege" and have since been trying to work out the complexities of the issue. It almost always does have an element of class privilege: which young girls can afford braces, prescriptions for acne medication, professional haircuts, healthy food, flattering clothes, etc? Even someone from a "pretty working-class" background (like me) often has access to these things where families with less money do not.
ReplyDeleteI think it's also similar to the dynamics of class privilege in that most people have it relative to some others, even while they think of themselves as not privileged at all compared to those at the top. One thing that workshop made me realize is that I have pretty privilege: I am thin, young, white, with somewhat-conventionally-attractive features. This realization, after spending my adolescence thinking I'm some ugly creature because I used to get made fun of for being too skinny and hairy. I've been hired at least five times based largely on my looks-- mostly for modelling, twice for food service jobs with gross sexist bosses. I've been hired over the phone based on my weight and measurements (that was a creepy feeling, let me tell you).
Then I got a job in the wealthiest neighborhood in town and was really obviously looked down upon by most of the clientele because I am not pretty in the right way for them (long beautiful hair, large breasts, tons of makeup). So it's flexible, and relative.
Also worth noting from that workshop: the facilitator said early on how difficult it is to be taken seriously as an older, larger woman trying to talk about pretty privilege because everyone thinks she's just bitter about not fitting the standard herself. Then at one point she gestured to an image of a woman with my exact body type and said, "I don't find that attractive at all. She looks anorexic. Eww." (We had a conversation about that over email and she apologized right away).
As I was packing up my make-up in preparation to return to Smith, I started thinking a lot about this topic. I don't know that I would say being pretty is a privilege. Certainly, some people are more attractive than others, but being "pretty" in this culture seems to largely be a choice. I have big bushy eyebrows, so I get them waxed. I cover zits with concealer. I'm very pale, so I wear a good foundation. All of this is a conscious choice and effort on my part to fit into the mold. Am I being anti-feminist for choosing to do so? Certainly, the fact that men don't have to do any of this (and they make more money than we do, and don't have to spend a dime on ridiculously expensive products) speaks to the continuing existence of sexism and gender inequality in our society, but am I being sexist by taking the time to do my make-up just right before a job interview, or am I simply being smart?
ReplyDeleteAlso, your post reminded me of this clip from desperate housewives (which is always good for studying sociology): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmYxdMM62Yw&feature=related
Katherine,
ReplyDeleteClass privilege is a "choice" in a similar way: those who have it could give it up, in part or in whole, and sometimes do. Those who don't have it sometimes have opportunities to gain it, but mostly there isn't that much upward mobility.
Being physically attractive (to whatever audience is relevant) does give people advantages in life, from free drinks at a bar to better employment opportunities.
I don't think that wearing make-up is anti-feminist, but I think the reasons behind it can make the differene between it being a subversive act, a manifestation of internalized sexism, or something in between. When I examine my own behavior to figure out if I'm being true to myself or just complying with patriarchal expectations, I look at my motivation for the behavior. Is it to try to make myself look better than other people? Do I feel unhappy with myself if I don't do it? Is it to please or attract a partner? Am I afraid of people judging me otherwise? Some of these might indicate internalized sexism that I need to address. Or is it just ornamentation, a costume that allows me to play with a certain aspect of my identity, an illustration of how I feel that day? Am I using it in a subversive way? Then it's probably okay, to me.