Most people have a hometown they love and hold close to their hearts. I wish I could say the same, but I was just not a rural PA kinda girl, largely because of how much I hated my high school. We were known for two things in our area: wrestling and bomb threats. My senior year was memorable, not for how much fun it was, but for being searched coming into school. For being bussed to the fire station because the school was unsafe. For the Action News van out front, interviewing people. While many of the threats were mere pranks and the typical hooligans who just want to get out of class types, the original threats were planted by one of maybe two out gay males from my school. The article linked to above sites him as doing it because he was sick of being teased, but having been bullied myself for my supposed slut status within the same schools, I can only begin imagine the hell he went through.
There has been a horrifying string of LGBT suicides lately, a tragic result of individuals being tired of teasing and torment in their daily lives. Reading about them makes me choke up: it's hard to conceive of the intensity of being hated and reviled by even your family for an aspect of your identity you didn't choose and can't change. That these kids, practically babies, thought there was no way out, that it would never get any easier breaks my heart.
But! There's a really awesome campaign called It Gets Better. And a Youtube channel! There's even a video of Smithies, some of whom are Albrighters! I really encourage you to read about it, pass it along, and get involved if you feel so moved. Because, seriously? It does get better.
Much love,
The Sheriff
The valley is close minded and it sucks that teasing caused that kid to write a bomb threat. But that was one kid. Who probably had a lot of other issues and was teased for things besides being gay.
ReplyDeleteSeeee...people like you and people like me and others I can think of who are tolerant came from the valley. Support can be found in even the most rural areas.
When someone thinks their last resort is to write a bomb threat or commit suicide it means they have lots and lots of other issues besides being teased for their sexuality. I do think that social support should be stronger in regards to sexuality; buuut people are focusing TOO MUCH on how important being teased for being gay contribute to suicide. People typically fall into depression and commit suicide for a culmination of factors, not just one thing...and by focusing on the fact that they were being teased for being gay is allowing their sexuality to define them. When people are depressed it's because they are depressed about everything in their life, not just one thing. Sexuality shouldn't be a defining personality trait. In an ideal world sexuality would only be as important as taste in music--revealing but not defining.
It is heart breaking though. I wish those kids didn't think their lives were over just because they were gay.
Hmm...sidenote, I think you should like the valley more, it helped make you who you are ya know? Well idk maybe not but growing up there made me a tolerant and open-minded person somehow! And I kinda think a pretty reservoir and hometowny feeling can compensate for a lot.
I don't hate the Valley, and I'm not saying that everyone there is identical (I do hate the high school sometimes). But I do see a lot of willful ignorance and stagnation and I hate those things. A polluted reservoir that I can't swim in and a hometowny feeling that was never extended to me will not change that, and I'm okay with it (the Valley may be where I grew up, but it isn't home, and that's fine. I'm not angsty or bitter, but I do think I have a right to point out faults in the place since I do know it well). And I don't think the Valley helped me become who I am in a way that would've been different somewhere else: there are plenty of working class, small towns who like sports a little too much all across the country, and surely I would've been just as pissed off and feminist in Bumblefuck, Wyoming as I was in the Valley.
ReplyDeleteAnd Aaron may have been one kid as you say, but there were plenty more who were scared to come out or be themselves. Out of a school of 1100 kids, I knew three people who were LGBT and out about it. Statistically, there were at least 100. Where were their voices? Maybe they were still trying to determine their sexuality and were questioning and wanted to keep it private, but plenty of them (myself included) did not feel comfortable enough or safe enough to say "Yeah, I do like the same gender, fuck you homophobes!" It's not a matter of personal failing or mental illness necessarily, and to act as if it's only an individual problem is to shirk the responsibility for changing our communities (and I mean across the US, not just the Valley) into places that are accepting. This is a societal, systemic, and attitudinal problem if so many young gays feel like their lives are so horrible that there is no way out. It is not just homophobic individuals who allow this to happen: it's built into our schools and legal systems and the way we treat people (there are only five states in the country that legally protect gay students from sexual harassment in the same way that they protect straight students. PA isn't one of them). And it doesn't stop in high school: being gay isn't a protected identity in most states, meaning you CAN actually be fired in a lot of places for your sexuality or gender presentation if an employer deems it necessary. It's not just individuals who are depressed and acting out of that mental illness. There's clearly something pushing them towards feeling this way. While it would be great to live in a world where sexuality was only as defining as musical taste, we're not there. Rarely is anyone severely teased or killed for liking country or hiphop in the way that LGBT individuals are for simply having that identity.
-Sheriff
Also: http://feministing.com/2010/09/30/youth-suicides-andrew-shirvell-and-americas-tolerance-of-anti-lgbt-hate/
ReplyDeletefor more about some of the recent suicides. 13 year old kids?
-The Sheriff
Rachel, I agree that it's important to think of these boys (and people in general) as whole people and not let any one characteristic define them. But comparing being gay (or queer, or trans, or intersex, or asexual) to having a taste in a certain type of music strikes me as pretty dismissive of people who do consider their sexuality an important part of their identity, especially people who have suffered every day for something they didn't choose and can't change about themselves.
ReplyDeleteWhile it may be true that people who commit (or attempt) suicide generally have a lot of factors contributing to that decision, I don't think we should downplay the very real pain of being LGBT in a society that actively and continuously declares its hatred of you. I have not experienced anything near what these boys went through, but I have been told that because I am queer I am going to burn in Hell for all eternity, that I deserve to die, that I am sick, a pervert, equivalent to a pedophile, etc etc etc. A friend of mine was approached by a stranger a few days ago and told "I wouldn't give you food if you were starving to death." I'm sure you're aware that these horrible things happen. I just think sometimes people think that being harassed for being LGBT is just like being bullied for being kinda nerdy, or too skinny, or the other "typical" (and totally inexcusable) reasons kids everywhere get picked on. I hope I'm not being dismissive of that kind of harassment, but it's really not the same thing.
I didn't get this kind of harassment until recently (I wasn't out in high school), and as much as it hurts now, at least I have the ability to understand where it's coming from, to feel secure in who I am, and to pity the people who have that much hatred inside of them. I honestly cannot imagine how I would deal with it if I were 8, or 12, or 15-- let alone getting pushed down stairs like one of these boys was. Adolescence is really hard for many people in the US, and being harassed for being gay really is enough to push someone over the edge. I think it's important to acknowledge that and to have a nation-wide discussion about it.