One thing that college has made me vividly aware of is how much high school education varies across this country and internationally. It's especially fascinating to take a look at sex education, and see where we're really failing our youth by not properly teaching them about their bodies, the risks, and the joys of boning, or equipping them with the skills to explain what they do and don't want sexually (or otherwise, for that matter. A look at any high school yearbook shows how lost people are, generally evident in ridiculous fashion choices about being "different" and "edgy" and showing how "unique" they are...not that I did any of that).
I'm sure it won't shock you that I think comprehensive sex education, starting in middle school, is the least that we owe teens navigating their hormone-flooded schooling years. Of course, the internet is helpful these days if you have a question about any kind of sex under the sun (Scarleteen is a particularly great resource), but there is also particularly terrible information on the internet and just plain untrue things. But I think our schools already have the platform, audience, and space to distribute this info to kids and get it right, so why not?
In considering this, I was really curious about the various messages my friends received in sex ed in school, and thought it would be interesting to just put some of them up.
Young Sheriff went to a pretty rural and small public high school in southeastern PA, and did not get any sex education until junior year. Yep, 11th grade, which is really silly when you think about the fact that a high school junior is 16 or 17, and the average American teen loses their virginity between ages 15 and 16. I don't even recall learning about the body parts because until 11th grade, health was all about JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.
My health teacher was a great guy, but he also was misinformed about a lot of things: we got into an argument once because he told everyone that Plan B was the abortion pill, and I tried to correct him but he shot me down, even after I looked it up and went to the pharmacy to get information. We spent one class period (90 minutes) on birth control, and at least three on STIs. He also gave us a metaphor of sex being like chocolate: you could be with a Godiva (delicious), a Hershey's bar (pretty satisfactory), or one of those gross chocolate coins (eh, but hey, it's still chocolate!). But if you only have sex with one person and wait until marriage, you'll always think they're Godiva and why bother exploring with anyone else? This made no sense to Young Sheriff, obviously.
The Librarian told me that her school (also a public in southeastern PA, though decidedly more...money) brought in a woman who was pro-abstinence to talk to them about sex. She constructed the metaphor that hookups and casual sex take your self-esteem and crash it on the rocks repeatedly, and it is only by holding out that we can build self-esteem.
Wick went to a pretty rural and small public school in western Massachusetts and got abstinence-only education. I'm continually shocked that in a state as liberal as MA that abstinence-only is the standard, but she recalls some conversations that strayed from the "don't-give-it-up-till-you've-been-down-the-aisle" line.
Sunshine went to a private, co-ed Catholic school in California. In high school, they did separate the girls and boys for what she thought might finally The Talk, at least about menstruation. While she never found out what they talked to the boys about, they talked to the girls about engagement. What? Yes. They discussed how long an engagement should be, the qualities a diamond should have, when it is appropriate to get engaged...you know, all vital information about sex and sexuality.
I'm so curious to hear other people's experiences with this--did they give out condoms in your school? When did you start sex ed? Any ridiculous metaphors to share?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Eastern MA, Catholic School
ReplyDelete6th grade - Girls had a special assembly where we learned that if our periods started in school, there was a Soft as a Grape bag with all the necessary supplies in the 3rd floor teacher's bathroom under the sink.
7-8th, maybe 9th? grade - I'm pretty sure we started learning sex ed. in middle school, but maybe it was freshman year. We got the biological picture - this is what boys have, this is what girls have, here's a cross section, learn the names, etc. This is the dry scientific explanation of how babies get started.
Then most of the focus was on birth control and STDs, with emphasis on abstinence being 100% effective (which I find ironic because we were also taught about the Virgin Mary...).
I don't really remember them addressing much besides the science with emphasis on STDs to scare us a bit, but it seems to be better than most.
Grades K-5 I was in a super liberal NYC private school and 6-12 I was in a small Connecticut public school and I am happy to say that I learned about learned about birth control and sex by middle school if not sooner and never had any abstinence-only lectures :)
ReplyDeletePublic school outside of Boston, MA:
ReplyDeleteI remember briefly going over sex ed. at the end of my 6th grade Health class. And then in 10th grade, my Wellness teacher was convinced we were all having sex (to the point of congratulating someone for being the "last American virgin", though to be fair, I think that may have been the year of the pregnant 8th grader...) and went backwards through her usual curriculum. We started with pregnancy and at least a week or two on various types of birth control, and then moved on to STDs and unhealthy relationships. --Aea
Public middle school, Anglican girls' prep school for high school. Got the period talk in middle school at the end of grade 6 (when some of the girls already got theirs) and it continued throughout middle school. We were separated in to guys' classes and girls' classes. Not sure what the guys got. I didn't ask. We learned about condoms in high school when we had a school-wide meeting on World AIDS Day. We were broken into groups and learned how to put condoms on bananas.
ReplyDeleteAs for MA teaching abstinence, despite being liberal - could it be Catholic influence?
Everyone's stories about this are so interesting!
ReplyDeleteCynthia--I think it's the Catholic influence, and also the Puritan history. It sounds silly because that was so long ago, but MA has some weird rules involving "morality," including that alcohol can never be discounted (so Cinco de Mayo here actually means MORE expensive margaritas).
I am flabbergasted by your stories of abstinence only sex education if you received any at all. Growing up in the heart of the Midwest that was certainly not the case at my schools.
ReplyDeleteOur first experience with sex-ed was a fourth grade gender separated meeting where our parents were invited to attend. The school brought in a pediatrician and explained to us, and I am sure the girls, what would be happening to our bodies over the next 5 years. We continued theses meetings each year until our school finally dedicated an entire unit to male and female sexual health and anatomy in the 6th grade. I remember if you laughed at all the teacher would make you draw detailed diagrams of whatever we were studying.
In middle school we covered not only all manner of sexual health and relationships and then in high school we were again required to take a class on sex health and activity. In addition to the semester long class, a graduation requirement, our school also brought in a professional from Planned Parenthood during a couple of periods to explain the various types of birth control as well as the benefits and risks of all manner of sexual activity. After this education I am fairly certain graduates from my high school are some of the few that could have explained the difference between male and female condoms, as well as the benefits and risks of an IUC at the tender age of 16.
All that in a state that has the most restrictive abortion laws in the nation. Incredible.
C
Public school in rural Virginia.
ReplyDeleteWe had one session (probably 1/2 an hour or so, divided by gender) in 3rd or 4th grade about pregnancy.
In 8th grade we had another session, also divided by gender, probably 50 minutes, in which they brought someone from the health department to talk about STIs. I remember a girl asking if two people who do not have HIV have sex, can they "make" HIV just between the two of them.
And that's it. We had several year-long Health classes over the years but I all I really remember is my teacher talking about how she used to be addicted to nose spray (so be careful with nose spray!), learning how to count calories, and looking at photos of men whose jaws were rotting through because of chewing tobacco. Ohhh and in 10th grade we passed around fake breasts and testicles that had imitation cancerous lumps in them. But no sex or abstinence or condomed bananas or anatomy other than the breasts and testicles.