holla back

"Hey baby, what's yo name?"

"DAMN."

"Great tits!"

"I'd eat dinner off that ass!"

"Yeeehaw!"

"Lil office mama!"

And my personal favorite: "You look like you got white boys callin' you fat, but mama, that's alllll good."

I've heard all this and more while simply walking down the streets in Northampton, MA, where men are strangely arrogant and rude while they're safely in their cars (on the street, I think they're a little scared of the feminists). I do not dress particularly provocatively (although cleavage is usually slightly on display, a fact of life when you're dealing with double Ds), and even if I did, that absolutely does not excuse talking to me or any woman in that way.

I'm not sure what exactly men seek to accomplish by yelling absurd shit like this. Never in my life have I seen it be effective. I've never felt the urge, upon being told I've got "beautiful hooters," to jump into a random man's car and blow him or give him my number or do anything more than laugh at how pathetic he is (though if I'm in a bad mood, they usually just get a "fuck you").

What strikes me as awful about this is that, to these men, my body (and the bodies of all women) are up for commentary at any time. It doesn't matter if you're underage or clearly with another female on a date or if you just don't wanna hear it. So what if she's alone and and it's night time and you're making her uncomfortable? So what if she just wanted to stroll peacefully along the street, alone with her thoughts? Naw, that doesn't matter. Harassment knows no bounds! This asshole has got a message to deliver and that is that she's bang-able, an attribute that his opinion is supreme on because, after all, he's a man.

I recently had a male friend who dresses a little hood who said he hated Northampton and complained about being stared at on the street here. It was all I could do to not tear out my hair as I calmly said, "How do you think women feel?" Our bodies, constantly objectified, are always available for commentary to men. Always. Everyone makes their private judgments, fine. But no one has the right to disturb my peace or make me feel my safety could be in danger simply because they want to share those judgments with me. It's a way of asserting dominance, and that's frightening.

I've had people ask me when I've gotten pissed off about this before, isn't it flattering? Doesn't it make you feel pretty? Honestly, truth be told, some days it does. And that makes me a little sick, that I've internalized misogyny to the extent that a man's approval, even expressed in a way I find to be obnoxious, gives me that rush of feeling good, feeling attractive, feeling hot in a way that my friends or even a female partner telling me I look gorgeous never could.

And THAT, my darling readers, is why feminism is still necessary. To prize the approval of a man over the approval of a female is sexism and misogyny, plain and simple. The importance of their opinions has been inflated in our heads, and we've got to fight it! Make your own opinion more important than theirs. You don't need their approval! Though for now, giving them the finger might be the quickest way to deal.

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff

Oldies but Goodies

Yesterday, I was researching Margaret Sanger and her cohorts views about pre-marital sex. In general, the consensus was pre- marital sex is not the best idea b/c men only want one thing (banging) while women need an emotional and physical connection (which is still most of the current discourse). But I wanted to share a few quotes with you guys that I found either hysterical, amazing, or thought-provoking.

The first set comes from Edward Griffith's book "Modern Marriage and Birth Control" published in 1935. Griffith was a British birth control advocate and became a member of many of the groups over there. He argued the women had a right to experience sexual pleasure in marriage (yes!) and that sex was not something dirty or immoral.

"Sex is fundamental to life. Passion is fundamental to sex. If we were devoid of passion we should be uninteresting people."

"Such a harmonious sex life cannot be lived by a couple if they are in constant fear of having children or if they do not both appreciate to the full the natural satisfaction which should be obtained from a properly adjusted sex life."

"Sex is good and wholesome and clean and every effort should be made to keep it so."

"A woman's natural instinct is to fall in love, marry and have a home and children." (I disagree)

"His ultimate desire is for sexual union...he is satisfying all his own immediate needs whereas the girl is not really satisfying hers." (Again, I disagree)

"Nothing is more painful or immoral than sex relationships without sensations."

"Sex relationships without the bond of home and children are for the most part short-lived and doomed to failure." (ehhh)

The next set comes from Margaret Sanger's book "Happiness in Marriage." (You can actually get copies of this one from amazon)

"Chronic constipation is an enemy to beauty." (Context: she spends a chapter telling young ladies that they need to take care of themselves physically and emotionally to attract a man)

"Remember again that a prize lightly won is not highly valued." (Why girls shouldn't bang before marriage, again I disagree)

"They should read together-poetry, novels, book which intensify their sense of the beauty and greatness of life." (Her suggestions instead of banging. Funny how I see similar ideas in abstinence pamphlets today)

"He must remember that this is the culmination of the first period of her life...No normal girl can be considered as not fearful of this novel and crucial experience." (She says this to the man about the wedding night...I disagree that my life is defined by marriage but I do agree that losing your virginity is a crucial experience that can be pretty scary.)

So, things to think about. These guys advocated birth control for married couples to foster a healthy sex life between them. They tried to break the connection b/w sex and procreation, acknowledge female desire and tell women that being passionate and enjoying sex did not make them a prostitute. This shit was radical in the early 1900's when women had no sexual power unless they were whores. However, these guys also worked within the standard definitions of gender and argued for "race betterment." What can I say, history is complicated (and that's why I love it!)

Lots of Love,
Lady Lola

spank me, big boy: questionable sex acts for a feminist?

I've been called a lot of things (including "feminazi" by one of my high school teachers), but quiet ain't one of them. I'm awesome at explaining what I want and need, especially in the bedroom. But about a year and a half ago, one of my own sexual quirks stumped me. My then-boyfriend called me "a dirty little whore" in bed while spanking me.

And I loved it.

But how could that be? I was a feminist! Him calling me a whore in any context (even if it was a huge turn on) was wrong, right?

Eh, I don't think so. I wouldn't say being spanked while someone pulls my hair and calls me a bitch is exactly feminism in action. But it is fulfilling my sexual desires in a safe, consensual way. And the only time it's ever made me feel bad is when I think about how I should feel about it, rather than how I do. It's the self-imposed judgment about what my desires "should" look like that caused unpleasant feelings, not the act itself.

That being said, it is an entirely different thing for a random man on the street to call me a whore than a person who I trust and care about. Context (and knowing that he'd stop the moment I told him to) is everything in this case. Never once did this individual call me a whore or bitch outside of the bedroom (if he did, he'd be no longer getting into the bedroom).

I do think there is an inherently powerful, feminist attribute to being able to claim what you desire as legitimate and real and to experience it in a way that feels safe and right for you. And if that means you don't want someone to bend you over and call you a slut, great. "Sensual" sex or making love isn't any higher in some sexual hierarchy than my rough, balls-to-the-wall style (pun most definitely intended). Limiting yourself based on what you think you "should" do rather than what you want is detrimental, whether that you means you think you shouldn't want to be spanked because you're a feminist or that you think you should want to be spanked because your partner thinks it's hot. Do what you want, and reap the orgasmic benefits (I know I do!).

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff

PS--how are ya'll feeling the new look?

Oh how far we've come

Before I begin, I apologize that so many of my posts revolve around progress in terms of women's rights, but birth control is my middle name this summer since my internship involves researching the woman who pioneered birth control in America and around the world. Also I'm a history major.

Anyways, today I began my day reading about the campaign to introduce sex education in schools in Sweden during the early 20th century. The RFSU (Swedish Women's Group) argued that children had a right to be taught about sex. (They also fought to decriminalize homosexuality, and claimed that it was okay for two committed people to enjoy sex outside of wedlock, so overall, we like them!) However, they still stayed away from any graphic descriptions of intercourse i.e. no penis in vag talk or really discussed why people have sex for reasons b/c they wanted to young people to maintain their modesty and morality. So the mystery remained until children were "old enough" to engage in sexual activity. As I was reading this, I was listening to what I like to call "ass-dropping booty shaking music" (b/c it helps me concentrate oddly enough) and the song "hypnotized" came on. "You got me so hypnotized the way you're body movin' round and round...tities just bouncin' up and down." Clearly, sex is everywhere in American culture, fairly explicit sex which just amazes me. Today, it is legal for Nate and Serena to essentially bang on prime-time television (w/o actual penis in vag) and it barely causes an eye-brow raising. (Although my mother was a little scandalized). I honestly don't think that either way is better or that sex in the media will irrevocably damage America's youth. I also thoroughly enjoy my sexual freedom. But wow, has society changed since 1900. And yet, right along side the prevalence of sex in the media is that fact that many children still don't receive comprehensive sex education for the same reasons as in 1900. Sometimes, I just have to stop and think about the complex entity that our society has become (since I'm a total nerd).

Lots of Love,
Lady Lola

The Sheriff's Philosophy

Lady Lola wrote a piece on her new philosophy with men. And while it might have a high accuracy rating, for me, it just doesn't sit well.

First of all, it encourages sexual and romantic passivity on the part of women. Instead of being an active participant, pursuing the people you want to and blowing off (hopefully kindly!) the ones you don't, waiting for a man to contact you gives you so little power over your own situation.

Second of all, you'll get laid WAY LESS OFTEN. This is a SERIOUS DRAWBACK (requiring all-caps!) to Lola's philosophy. Now, some people are not all about the sex. They probably do not write on, read, or care about this blog very much, and thus are not my intended audience. So this might not matter to them. But for the rest of us, by displaying an interest, whether it's a smile or boldly sending the first text, showing you want the other person is a huge aphrodisiac. Albright House jokes that I have a beer flavored vagina with my capacity to get it, and often (disclaimer: I'm pretty sure it's a normal vagina, genital piercing aside. And I hate beer), but I honestly chalk it up to the fact that I'm not scared to be the one to put myself out there (though it could also be my awesome rack).

Third, it puts you in the position of being the one to choose. Don't feel like seeing what's-their-face after the bloody nose while eating you out fiasco (this has actually happened to me)? Booty call someone else! Or go out and meet new people! Or stay home with your vibrator/hand/dildo/whatever gets your rocks off.

Sometimes, at a women's college like Smith, if you're looking for cock (or more eloquently, "male companionship"), it can feel like you have no options, and you'll take the first man that shows you positive attention, yet you don't want to seem like a desperate Smithie with the Smith Goggles (this refers to the phenomenon in which smart, lovely women hook up with skeevy creepers at Quad parties, or in Amherst thanks to the PVTA [the public bus system that technically stands for Pioneer Valley Transport Authority, but which really means Pushing Vagina Towards Amherst]).

The Sheriff's solution? Be open to everyone. Smile at people. Talk to them, get their number. You never know when it might come in handy, either for banging or help on an obscure research project or a place to party at UMass.

And you know what? It works. I have rarely, if ever, had a problem getting action when I wanted to, which I credit less to my awesome chest than to my fearless attitude. Nothing, not even sex, will drop in your lap without a little work (most of the time...), so it's worth it to figure out how comfortable you feel being the one to initiate. I know some people are shy and need lessons sexting (Fairies, I'm looking at some of you!), but getting your ego burned by someone who has other interests isn't the most tragic thing in the world. It's just a booty call! Don't be scared. They'd probably be a bad lay anyway!

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff

just cuz it's nice to hear on a Monday morning

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff

And that's my new philosophy

Over the past few months, I have developed a new policy about relations with men: a man will call you if and when he wants to see you. You should not call him unless he has already called you a few times (thus expressing his desire to see you). It sounds simple, but its much harder to do than it sounds. On a feminist level, I dislike my own policy because it takes the power away from me. However (and unfortunately), it works (almost every time).

I came to this realization after an epic fail one spring evening. A few months ago, a friend and I decided to visit her friends at a local university and party there. Overall, it was a great night. We went to an improv club, a party, and I got some from "Chuck." I did not get "Chuck's number" nor did he ask for mine because it was only a one-night thing. However, I did facebook friend him the next day which was mistake number one. A few weeks later, I was out with friends, drank too much and decided that it would be a good idea to fb message chuck, asking him if he would like to repeat the experience (read: booty call). I woke up the next morning immediately thinking "oh shit." But to my surprise, he replied two days later, asking me if I would like to come visit him that night. I probably shouldn't have gone, because it made me look too desperate, but I thought "what's a two hour drive for a booty call?" So I drove there, and met up with him. After eating and watching a movie, Chuck turns to me and says "I think you have the wrong idea about me. I like you and think you're cool, but I only like you as a friend." I said "but you're a man-whore." My friend's friend had told us about his escapades, and this statement didn't jive with the information I knew about him (albeit through the grape-vine but still). He said that my friend's friend was mistaken. Regardless of his statements, the point is that my booty call failed, but I learned a valuable lesson. Don't contact men, if they want to see you, they will contact you.

I know that this policy sounds a little "he's just not that into you" and honestly, it is. But it works. At another party, I gave my number to a kid, and he texted me three days later. I admit that I don't like it. I wish that girl could call a boy and she can, just not the first time (in my experience). But once he does call you, you know that he's into you which "puts the ball in your court." I know that this policy puts a lot of pressure on the man. "What if he's too nervous to call you?" But men out there: How many times have you been into a girl and not called her? So, I'm sticking to this policy until I find a better one.

Lots of Love,
Lady Lola