The Sheriff's Philosophy

Lady Lola wrote a piece on her new philosophy with men. And while it might have a high accuracy rating, for me, it just doesn't sit well.

First of all, it encourages sexual and romantic passivity on the part of women. Instead of being an active participant, pursuing the people you want to and blowing off (hopefully kindly!) the ones you don't, waiting for a man to contact you gives you so little power over your own situation.

Second of all, you'll get laid WAY LESS OFTEN. This is a SERIOUS DRAWBACK (requiring all-caps!) to Lola's philosophy. Now, some people are not all about the sex. They probably do not write on, read, or care about this blog very much, and thus are not my intended audience. So this might not matter to them. But for the rest of us, by displaying an interest, whether it's a smile or boldly sending the first text, showing you want the other person is a huge aphrodisiac. Albright House jokes that I have a beer flavored vagina with my capacity to get it, and often (disclaimer: I'm pretty sure it's a normal vagina, genital piercing aside. And I hate beer), but I honestly chalk it up to the fact that I'm not scared to be the one to put myself out there (though it could also be my awesome rack).

Third, it puts you in the position of being the one to choose. Don't feel like seeing what's-their-face after the bloody nose while eating you out fiasco (this has actually happened to me)? Booty call someone else! Or go out and meet new people! Or stay home with your vibrator/hand/dildo/whatever gets your rocks off.

Sometimes, at a women's college like Smith, if you're looking for cock (or more eloquently, "male companionship"), it can feel like you have no options, and you'll take the first man that shows you positive attention, yet you don't want to seem like a desperate Smithie with the Smith Goggles (this refers to the phenomenon in which smart, lovely women hook up with skeevy creepers at Quad parties, or in Amherst thanks to the PVTA [the public bus system that technically stands for Pioneer Valley Transport Authority, but which really means Pushing Vagina Towards Amherst]).

The Sheriff's solution? Be open to everyone. Smile at people. Talk to them, get their number. You never know when it might come in handy, either for banging or help on an obscure research project or a place to party at UMass.

And you know what? It works. I have rarely, if ever, had a problem getting action when I wanted to, which I credit less to my awesome chest than to my fearless attitude. Nothing, not even sex, will drop in your lap without a little work (most of the time...), so it's worth it to figure out how comfortable you feel being the one to initiate. I know some people are shy and need lessons sexting (Fairies, I'm looking at some of you!), but getting your ego burned by someone who has other interests isn't the most tragic thing in the world. It's just a booty call! Don't be scared. They'd probably be a bad lay anyway!

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff