Smith College, I am ASHAMED of you.

Smith is gearing up for open campus, a weekend where prospective students visit campus and get to see all of our snazzy amenities, our lovely houses, our beautiful campus.

But I guess they won't see any transgender students!

A Smith Gold Key tour guide was refused the chance to host a prospie because of his gender identity.

This is some bullshit. Smith has to recognize the contributions of our trans students and see that they are just like the rest of us and deserve the same chances!

Might it be confusing for a prospie to stay with a man at a woman's college? Sure. But it would also be an authentic Smith experience and maybe open up her mind to some new possibilities and inequalities and opportunities. And frankly, if her reaction is one of shock and discomfort, then she knows this ain't the college for her.

But nope, let's just ignore the men on campus. Nothing to see here, except some discrimination.

Mad as hell? Email transcendinggender@gmail.com to get involved!



Much love,
The Sheriff

college sex: why hookups aren't evil

the 12 year old in me is laughing.

 Sometimes, I feel like a little bit of a fraud. I try to write about college sex, among other things, but frankly? My college experience hasn't been average in the least bit, particularly when it comes to the sex and romance scene at Smith. We're a women's college and about 30% gay/bisexual/pansexual/non-straight identified. And while I've nearly always been able to get some when I wanted to, it is something you have to put a bit more work into if you're after a male partner in the bedroom. The main arena for meeting people is still parties (Smith house parties are just as awkward as your middle-school dances, but everyone is tipsy), and hookups are still the main sexual/romantic interaction on campus as far as my anecdotal and not-at-all-scientifically-rigorous research shows.

Hookups are often characterized as being detrimental to the mental, emotional, and physical health of young people, especially us delicate womenfolk. Between the feeling of being "used" and the risk of STIs (especially without proper use of a barrier method), some of these concerns seem to be legitimate.

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But to conclude that hookups are inherently bad for women removes our agency entirely from the question. It takes on a paternalist point of view, assuming that we all want love and a ring on it and that hookups will only lead us to the clinic with a rash, alone and emotionally broken. Such is the tale woven by Laura Sessions Stepp in Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both. I read about three-fourths of the boek before I got fed up with her spin on things and focus only on the detrimental effects of casual sex.

As the subtitle tells you, her main point is that hookups are a form of false empowerment and when they're the only option of romantic interaction on a campus scene, women (who she infuriatingly refers to as "girls" throughout her book, as if they're children) inevitably wind up disappointed because we're really seeking a connection, not meaningless sex (she also argues that it leave us unable to establish healthy relationships later in life because we've never done the dating/courtship thing).

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And maybe some of us are seeking that connection. But ALL of my college relationships started with a hookup, with what I thought was surely a one night stand. If you want more than just sex, say so! Don't feel like you have to bend what you want to fit into the expectation of meaningless sex and awkward morning afters just to get your sexual needs met if that's not for you (buy a vibe to tide you over!). Plenty of men and women want to find a companion who is more than just an easy lay, even in college!

And if you just want that easy lay, you're in luck. The problem with hookup culture as I see it is less that it's inherently unsatisfactory for one gender and heaven for another and more that no one teaches young men and women how to actually express what they want sexually and romantically before they go off to college. Which is where solid sex education comes in, but that's another post.

If you've been to college, what was your experience of the sex/romance scene like? Did you date or just bang? How did it impact you? 

Much love,
The Sheriff

can feminists be funny?

maybe the scariest laughing picture I found.

 Okay, so that title is a little bit intentionally inflammatory, but I had to get you interested, right? Clearly there's a plethora of funny feminists out there, including performers and regular folks, but there's also an overriding perception of feminists as uptight. Unable to chill out. Bitches. While that's obviously untrue, sometimes I find myself feeling that like woman. Like when I was recently watching this video of Snoop Dogg at the roast of Donald Trump.

Now I gotta admit: I love me some Snoop Dogg. Yes, his lyrics (especially his early stuff) are misogynistic like whoa, and he has done some shady stuff in his lifetime, but he has great flow and I genuinely wish my voice sounded like his. But watching this clip just made me uncomfortable. All of the insults directed at the females are either about how they're massive sluts or their appearance, the sole exception being his joke about a deaf woman sounding like she was clubbing a baby seal while she practiced her lines. Oh, and he insults one of the men present by saying he's so ugly, he looks like Lisa Lampanelli's vagina. Cute.

I've pointed out before that the most effective way to insult a woman seems to be to target her looks or her sexuality in some way because that's what we're primarily taught in our culture to value about ourselves. A degree from the Ivies might be nice, but not without a flat stomach to accompany it.

So does it make me an uptight bitch that I find this kind of humor lacking in creativity and a lil bit offensive? I don't think so. While I'm not a warrior for political correctness all the time, I think there can absolutely be incredible humor that's original and hilarious and interesting without resorting to tired old lines about "oh man she's such a ho, and isn't she ugly/fat too?" I don't watch many popular movies, as I'm not up with the young hip kids these days, but I imagine most romantic comedies and the like stick to the same script.

What do you think? Have you found any particularly offensive examples lately? Or any awesome woman-friendly humor (please share)? Or, like me, do you laugh at silly cat pictures most of the time?

Much love,
The Sheriff

gotta get down with friday links

"Sluts" march against sexual assault stereotypes. SO GOOD. YES ALL OVER THIS.

Being poor: not an exhaustive list, but a start at capturing the experience.

This article about Britney is just sad, but spot-on. You can tell she's trapped by her creepy dad.  

How dare you disrespect the queendom? Defending single mothers of color!

Much love,
The Sheriff

happy birthday...

...to me! The Sheriff is 22 today. So in lieu of a normal post about feminist-y stuff, I'ma do one of those cute internet things.

3rd birthday. party like a rockstar.

22 things learned  in 22 Years

1. It's worth it to take the time to learn how to change a flat tire yourself, especially for women. Do you really want to be stranded somewhere in the dark waiting for AAA or some random dude to take pity and help you? I don't think so. It ain't hard, but it is empowering.

2. Feminism is awesome (you knew that would be in here somewhere, right?).

3. An orgasm can cure almost any problem, or at least make you feel better about it. I recently discovered that it makes my migraines, which send me into homicidal rage at the slightest sound, much less severe. And it's a great natural sleep aid!

4. Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself more than the person you're forgiving.

5. Tofu can be really delicious. It will never be delicious at Smith College.

6. Being legal to drink is EXPENSIVE. I will shamelessly pretend to flirt with men to get free alcohol and then tell them politely to fuck off after they pay for it because feminism to me means that I protect my paltry income (and that I owe them nothing if they're willing to pony up the cash for booze). So there.

7. No one will notice the five pounds (or your greasy hair, or your massive pimple) you think you've gained. And if they do, they need a hobby and perhaps to not be in your life.

8. Appreciate your health while you have it! I know I'm WAY young to say that, but I've caught two awful flu-like illnesses this semester, and can't believe how incredibly ungrateful I am about my health most of the time (and that's just a minor illness!).

9. You don't actually have to do all of the reading for all of your classes all of the time. I promise.

10. Perfecting your "don't-fuck-with-me" walk and face is almost as useful as a self-defense class in warding off creepers.

11. So is telling them you will call the cops if they continue to follow you!

12. Thighs that touch are better than an eating disorder.

13. Make sure that your companions lock your car doors upon exiting at night in a city, or it will be ransacked when you return. True story.

14. It's cliche, but it's true: comparison is the thief of joy.

15. Do anything with confidence (walk into an employees only area to use the bathroom, steal someone's drink out of their hands) and people will believe you have a right to do it 85% of the time. Only use this power for good.

16.The generic brand tastes the same (except for Diet RC Cola. That shit is nasty).

17. Don't wait for other people to make you happy or tell you you're beautiful. Do it yourself. It means more anyway when you've worked for it.

18.Talk to people. They're less scary than you think. You might even make a friend!

19. Finding a form of exercise that you actually love (Belly dance! Zumba! Yoga! Jogging! Rock climbing!) will make you excited to do it. And you will feel amazing afterward, I promise.

20.Crazy bells and whistles boning can be awesome, but vanilla sex is great too, if it's with the right person.

21.You should have something you believe in. Maybe a deity, maybe yourself, maybe just the power of cheesy music to make you feel good. But believing is good.

22. Sometimes, it's necessary to call your mama (whoever that is in your life) and cry it out.


What've you learned since your last birthday? Any great wisdom or epiphanies?

Much love,
The Sheriff

how much is too much? ethics and personal blogging

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You may have noticed, dear readers, if you've been following FF for any amount of time that I tend to tell it like it is. Sometimes this results in you knowing perhaps more than you ever wanted to about my clitoral hood piercing or failed butt sex experience or first Brazilian wax in explicit detail, but I firmly believe that these details are what makes this blog fun to read AND that I have a responsibility to be honest in my writing. It's not journalism and I don't take it that seriously, but I do feel it's important to put it all out there. Even the not so sexy or perfect stuff.

Inevitably, this involves writing about the people I've interacted with sexually too, and while I've noted before that FF is definitely less explicit and personal than it was when it started, it absolutely comes up. But is that ethical? Is it okay for me to write about these experiences and put it out there, even if it's in an entirely anonymous way?

I frankly haven't given it that much thought until a few days ago when it came up with Meatball. I asked him if he even reads the blog anymore, and he said no (cue hurt feelings since this blog is my baby), and some prying revealed that he feels uncomfortable reading about himself, good or bad. And that he got a lot of flack for this post from his frat brothers. All of whom read it. Poor kid. 

His solution was just to not read the blog, and that's fine. But it leaves me with a conundrum: how to write about topics inspired by my life without also putting past and current sexual partners into the spotlight somewhat? My instinct is that people should toughen up and get a thicker skin, but I've also not been the subject of a post written by someone else, so maybe that's a lil itty bit presumptuous. But I also think I should be able to be honest and that I owe that to all ya'll (he also hates the use of the word "ya'll" so I'ma just have to sprinkle that in here more liberally now that I know he's not reading it!). It's not for everyone and obviously it's up to each blogger to figure out how much and what to share of themselves, but for me, it's low risk as this is pretty anonymous and frankly, I think it makes it more interesting to hear little details of writers' lives. But that's just me.

Whatcha think?

Much love,
The Sheriff

links

The Obama administration just released a comprehensive report on the status of women in this country a few weeks ago. Ya'll know what I'm reading for fun!

This post features a lovely Smithie dorm. I just thought it was cute and wanted to spread the word about our ridiculously amazing dorms.

Do you remember Mick Foley? Wrestler guy? He gives really fantastic life advice. Seriously. HE HAS A BOOK AND HE LIKES TORI AMOS.

And since it's April Fool's Day, some good Margaret Cho.

Much love,
The Sheriff