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| 3rd birthday. party like a rockstar. |
22 things learned in 22 Years
1. It's worth it to take the time to learn how to change a flat tire yourself, especially for women. Do you really want to be stranded somewhere in the dark waiting for AAA or some random dude to take pity and help you? I don't think so. It ain't hard, but it is empowering.
2. Feminism is awesome (you knew that would be in here somewhere, right?).
3. An orgasm can cure almost any problem, or at least make you feel better about it. I recently discovered that it makes my migraines, which send me into homicidal rage at the slightest sound, much less severe. And it's a great natural sleep aid!
4. Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself more than the person you're forgiving.
5. Tofu can be really delicious. It will never be delicious at Smith College.
6. Being legal to drink is EXPENSIVE. I will shamelessly pretend to flirt with men to get free alcohol and then tell them politely to fuck off after they pay for it because feminism to me means that I protect my paltry income (and that I owe them nothing if they're willing to pony up the cash for booze). So there.
7. No one will notice the five pounds (or your greasy hair, or your massive pimple) you think you've gained. And if they do, they need a hobby and perhaps to not be in your life.
8. Appreciate your health while you have it! I know I'm WAY young to say that, but I've caught two awful flu-like illnesses this semester, and can't believe how incredibly ungrateful I am about my health most of the time (and that's just a minor illness!).
9. You don't actually have to do all of the reading for all of your classes all of the time. I promise.
10. Perfecting your "don't-fuck-with-me" walk and face is almost as useful as a self-defense class in warding off creepers.
11. So is telling them you will call the cops if they continue to follow you!
12. Thighs that touch are better than an eating disorder.
13. Make sure that your companions lock your car doors upon exiting at night in a city, or it will be ransacked when you return. True story.
14. It's cliche, but it's true: comparison is the thief of joy.
15. Do anything with confidence (walk into an employees only area to use the bathroom, steal someone's drink out of their hands) and people will believe you have a right to do it 85% of the time. Only use this power for good.
16.The generic brand tastes the same (except for Diet RC Cola. That shit is nasty).
17. Don't wait for other people to make you happy or tell you you're beautiful. Do it yourself. It means more anyway when you've worked for it.
18.Talk to people. They're less scary than you think. You might even make a friend!
19. Finding a form of exercise that you actually love (Belly dance! Zumba! Yoga! Jogging! Rock climbing!) will make you excited to do it. And you will feel amazing afterward, I promise.
20.Crazy bells and whistles boning can be awesome, but vanilla sex is great too, if it's with the right person.
21.You should have something you believe in. Maybe a deity, maybe yourself, maybe just the power of cheesy music to make you feel good. But believing is good.
22. Sometimes, it's necessary to call your mama (whoever that is in your life) and cry it out.
What've you learned since your last birthday? Any great wisdom or epiphanies?
Much love,
The Sheriff
Oh, I so agree with number 19. I had an awful relationship with gym class from elementary through high school, and consequently hated all forms of exercise, partly just on principle. :) Then this spring, I finally got convinced to join the boffing team (mock combat with foam swords, for anyone who hasn't seen us out on Davis Lawn) and I absolutely love it, even though I get worn out and actually had to sit down the first time I tried.
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