workin' it out: why exercise might go hand in hand with recovery

As many of you know, yours truly went into treatment for her eating disorder, which reared its ugly head full force after a pretty decent period of quiet, about a year ago (actually, today marks the anniversary of my initial assessment. Woohoo!). I had spent much of my junior year fall semester in the gym, getting there at the crack of dawn and pushing myself too hard. Exercise wasn't my main drug of choice, so to speak, but it played into the rest of my eating disordered behaviors and was definitely not an activity I undertook with the intention to work my heart, reduce my risk of diabetes, or reduce stress: I did it to lose weight, to try to control my size, and to punish myself. To say the least, it wasn't pretty.

I also saw a painfully eating disordered woman there every morning. Aside form her emaciated body, which was admittedly a pretty clear hint that she was ill, there's just something in the eyes and face of people who have eating disorders that's instantly recognizable to me. I find myself spotting them in public places, and wondering if I show any of that anymore, or if the health and joy and recovery has crowded out the ED glaze. I avoided the gym for a long time, knowing I would see her or someone else on the treadmill for hours and that it just wasn't in line with my priorities to toss that kind of imagery in my face on the daily.

But I've recently started working out again, and it feels fantastic. Granted, it's mostly me hoisting weights around or doing cheesy workout DVDs in my room (I just can't make myself hit the actual gym), but it's done wonders for my self-esteem. I don't see any significant shifts in my size, but I feel great about my body anyway because it can do stuff. After a particularly intense yoga DVD, I reveled in the soreness of my upper arms, not out of punishment but pride that I could hold my own during that many sun salutations. My body image has similarly been pretty awesome lately. Might there be a connection?

yay!

Research says yes! Even eating disordered individuals can benefit from exercise during their recovery. And it might even be helpful in preventing the eating disorder behaviors from arising in the first place in particularly at risk individuals. Which is pretty fuckin' cool, if you think about it: build a positive, healthy habit in young girls (and boys!) that helps them deal with stress and enhances their body image and physical health and you just might help them avoid developing a crippling mental illness. Research shows being active improves body image regardless of physical changes, meaning it wouldn't necessarily have to be associated with bigger muscles or a smaller waist to prompt a healthier self image.

Of course, I think this needs some more work before it's an accepted practice. By no means should a bulimic with low eloctrolytes or an emaciated individual be put on any serious sort of fat-burning regimen, but gentle yoga and walking would absolutely be beneficial additions to many residental treatment programs (and even outpatient ones!). And for someone still on the recovery path, I find it heartening that science is backing up what I'm discovering on my own.

What's your relationship to exercise? Healthy, troubled, non-existent?

Much love,
The Sheriff