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Gross title, eh? :)
A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my dad, reading a book while he watched TV. A commercial for Viagra or Cialis or something similar was on, and showing the usual ridiculous shit that pharmaceutical commercials generally adore in their ads: depressed man with no boner at beginning discovers penis magic and overcomes his erectile dysfunction, enjoys sailing and surfing and cuddling with his hot wife in the sunset. Of course, it reminded me of Orgasm Inc., and I told him all about the process of making normal sexuality into a disease in the pursuit of profits.
His response? "Eventually I might need it, but right now I thankfully don't need any of that stuff."
Cue the gross-out sounds. WHY WOULD THAT BE OK TO SHARE WITH ME? Ew. Yuck. Blech.
Ahem. Moving on.
But after talking and laugh about this situation with my mama, I realized that this comment, while entirely stupid and inappropriate to make to one's daughter when that is not the sort of relationship you have, is about male ego more than it is anything else. It's about proving that one is still virile and not old and still a man. Which is silly, because having sired three kids, I already know this about my pops. Furthermore, being a man is more about treating people and yourself with respect and being responsible and doing what needs to be done (which is also the same as my definition as being a good person, oddly enough), NOT about having a boner.
Eesh. What do you think about this laughable encounter? Anyone else ever had a dad say something similar?
Hello,
ReplyDeleteWhenever the whim strikes me I usually venture over to FF.com to see the latest and greatest of interesting thoughts and links. But I usually do not comment on the postings, for the simple reason that I really do not have any real personal experience with most of the topics discussed. I've never had a brazilian, I only understand menstruation to the point that the MCAT requires, and my relationship with a Victoria Secret catalog is not repeatable in polite company.
But I do have a penis. And therefore I feel uniquely qualified to comment on this post concerning a conversation that I would never want to have with my father. Do I tire of the Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra ads? Yes. But my real issue is that the statement "Eventually I might need it, but right now I thankfully don't need any of that stuff" is fueled by ego. I think not.
If anything I think a statement like that is based on the realization of the fact that sex is a lot of fun. It is beautiful, joyous, and absurdly wonderful physical act that caused the world population to be just under 7 billion and xvideos.com to be the 48th most popular site in the world (cnn.com is #54). Therefore, the fear that one day a guy may not be able to partake in sex because of a physical handicap is perfectly understandable. As with any guy I do hope that I never have to go through the ordeal of dealing with ED, but if I need a phosphodiesterase 5 inhibitor to have the normal physical response when my thoughts go to Scarlet Johansson + Nicole Scherzinger + KY jelly filled kiddie pool - clothes...I'm reaching for the little blue pill.
If Mr.Biggerstaff does one day decide to simply not work anymore... part of me will feel as if I will have to hand over my mancard. But isn't that normal? A physical part of your sexual identity has stopped functioning. Granted there are other things that make a man a man...but having a functional penis is a part of being a dude that I rather enjoy. Imagine there was a disease called vaginal dysfunction (VD-i'm borrowing the acronym from a very real sexual problem that I imagine would be just as unpleasant) in which ones vagina simply sealed up. Be honest ladies...would you not feel a pang of loss? Would you not feel as if a part of your sexual identity had gone away? Would you not take a little pink pill that allowed you to have sex again? VD and ED are two sides of the same coin...a slight unpleasant loss of sexual identity resulting from the major loss of physical functionality.
And yet if you were to take the little pink pill, would it really be out of ego? Would it really be because you need to prove to yourself and to the world that you are a REAL WOMEN? No. It would be because having having a functional sex organs feels good...and it is your right to enjoy yourself sexually. The same goes for guys. Viagra is not the cure for a bruised ego...nor it is a path for a guy to reassert himself as a MANLY MAN. It is a way of allowing men to have fun long after nature says 'you need to stop boning or your going to have a heart attack'. On the bright side...at least the old timers will die smiling.
-Benny Boo Boo Boo
Menopause?
ReplyDeleteThere's much more to be said about similarities and dissimilarities, but don't act like ED in older men is the only thing in the world that comes with advanced age and inhibits the ability to enjoy sex.
What was that you were saying about egos?
Elizabeth--totally agree on the menopause point, another thing I've heard more about as my parents age. I don't think I acted as if it's the only thing that comes with old age and inhibits the ability to enjoy sex--just that ED was the focus of my post today.
ReplyDeleteBenny--that may be the longest post that this blog has yet seen. Bravo! And I agree with a lot of what you've said. And yet...it is hard for me to divorce the association of virility and manliness and ego with a hard dick. Even for perfectly healthy, virile young bucks when the occasional whiskey dick strikes, they're embarrassed. And it doesn't seem to be out of a sense of embarrassment that they couldn't partake in the fun of sex, but because it says something about them. In my experiences (and the stories of fellow females) when it strikes men, they are upset and do NOT want to discuss it. Which leads me to think it does indeed have a connection to ego. But this is just my surmisings, per usual.
Oh! I should have clarified: I was snarking on Benny's comment, not your post. He was talking about something that MIGHT happen to an older man as "handing over [his] mancard," and comparing it to a fictitious dysfunction, when he could have compared it to something that MOST older women will go through some version of. I thought in this way his comment actually supported the whole penis=ego(tistic) thing.
ReplyDeleteBut I mean, he reads this blog, so I can't hate too strongly