who pays?

source

Re: the photo above--I don't think that's true anymore, at least not in the circles I run in. I know of very few women (or men) who want their prospective lover to show that they're deserving of some action by shelling out some serious dough. The whole idea that he should have to buy an expensive dinner to get a blowjob is somewhat foreign to my generation (I think!), and thankfully so: those attitudes turn sex into a direct commodity and not an act of pleasure or enjoyment. But with or without those attitudes present, the discussion over who should pay for dates, dinners, and birth control is still alive, well, and fraught with gendered stereotypes, so let's dive right in, shall we?

There is no right or wrong stance as far as feminism goes in terms of who should pay; personally, I think it's nice to alternate paying in all things shared, which definitely includes birth control since the menfolk benefit as much as you do from not having to financially endure an unplanned pregnancy. But what if thanks to factors like the glass ceiling, the fact that men are typically encouraged to go into high-paying fields like the sciences, engineering, and such moreso than women are, and the plain ol' wage gap, he makes significantly more than you (this could definitely apply to a same-sex couple too, for the record)? Financially, you may not actually be able to meet him one-for-one in alternating paying for things or splitting expenses 50/50, but you also probably don't want to feel like a kept woman, contributing just the pleasure of your company in and out of the bedroom.

So...why pays? You, him, both of you? I struggle with this all the time, so I'd love to hear some thoughts about how other folks keep it balanced.

Much love,
The Sheriff