looks vs swagger: what gets ya laid?

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 I have an ongoing argument with a male friend we'll call, aptly, Skinny. Skinny is very lean and not terribly tall; some might call him "scrawny." He is convinced that this is what keeps him from getting anywhere with women in conversation, which obviously stop him from gettin' it in.

I say bullshit.

80% of what gets anyone laid is swagger. It's confidence. It's the ability to project that you're awesome and that this person is lucky to be with you but in a way that's not conceited or arrogant. It's subtle, but it's powerful when people have it and actually comfortable enough with themselves to turn their swag on. Of course, being anything other than what our mainstream culture defines as attractive could hurt your chances, in theory. But in practice, I have witnessed so many flirtations and pairings that were unbalanced in terms of sheer physical attractiveness but powered by one person's total confidence.

Confidence is flat out hot. When someone is projecting confidence in their attributes, it makes you think they'll have the same skills in pleasing you. This might be a fallacy (I've had my share of missed calls based on swagger alone), but the swagger does its work in getting them interactions with fine people such as yourself.

And what's best is swag isn't something you have or else you're fucked; you can always develop a healthy sense of cockiness and reap the benefits, regardless of whether or not society says you're hot enough to be reaping those sexual benefits. Self-love and a little bit of good posture can do a world of good.

But if you think you're too skinny/short/fat/tall/awkward/differently abled to get pussy/peen, guess what? You're probably right. You've already decided in your own head that you weren't good enough for anyone's attention, and then by being more shy and reserved and less likely to act on that sexy eye contact someone's flashing you across the room, you dash your own chances. And then, of course, since you have just proven to yourself that you can't get any, you won't put it any effort next time either, and so the cycle continues.

I say: Chin up. Get your swag on, and you'll be fine.

But what do you say? Is swagger the ultimate determinant of one's ability to get laid, or is it more based in looks than I think? Am I just easily swayed by cockiness? Is it more about chemistry? Pheromones? Talk to me.

Much love,
The Sheriff