strip club jealousy: is it natural, a reflection of our society, or is it insecurity?

Now, don't laugh, but until Marvel, I never dated anyone who openly copped to enjoying going to strip clubs. The rest either found it gross, or awkward, or expensive and silly. But Marvel, evidently, loved them through his time in the military and onward. It wasn't until he mentioned early in our romance that he had been to one recently and I began crying and yelling and generally acting like a fool that he stopped. A similar incident was profiled in season 3 of The Wire between a lesbian couple, for the record. But the incident and conversations we've had since had made me wonder what it is precisely about strip clubs that makes many women jealous.

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First off, it's probably simply that some other lady is grinding her at least partially naked ass all over someone who I claim as mine. Could be that, for starters.

But in all seriousness, why do we get so jealous and uncomfortable (and by "we" I might mean "my jealous ass") about partners going to strip clubs?

It could simply be natural. We are just not inclined to like the idea of someone that we have copulated with and decided is ours and whom we are loyal to enjoying a seat in the front row at a titty bar. Hormones bond us and ensure that we don't want to stray too far. We want the same from them. And realistically, there are strippers who do have sex with their clients for money. The threat is then not simply that one's partner will find other folks appealing, but that they might also have an opportunity to cheat. Very few people like getting cheated on. I don't have science to back me up here, but just trust me on that shit: nobody likes being played. And knowing your partner is getting a lap dance can feel like you are getting played.

The jealousy could also be a reflection of our society. We have been trained from a young and tender age to expect full monogamy, and women especially have been fed horseshit like this about what an ideal relationship should be:

 

Makes sense that if you think he should give up his recreational sports league and his job in order to ensure that your every emotional need is met, ya might be a little peeved if he's hanging out at the strip club. Meet your own emotional needs first, and this ceases to be as much of an issue (just sayin').

Third possible cause of strip club jealousy syndrome: garden variety insecurity. If you feel that your own body is not up to snuff, you will not want other ladies (who you surely picture in your head as thin and lithe and perky of breast and with uplifted but feminine cheeks...in other words, the things that you imagine you're not) workin it' all over your partner. It only serves to increase the feelings that you're not good enough--surely, if you were, he'd be at home with you, not at the club with her and her six-inch heels, right?

Personally, I think it's all three mixed together. When you're invested in a person, you want to be the only one they want, even if that's unrealistic. That's probably a societal residue that taints our relationships. However, biology suggests that our hormones drive this instinct too--once you've released that oxytocin and bonded with someone enough, you want their affections and attention to be yours alone. And naturally, the fact that your partner can get another lady to grind on them (among other acrobatic feats) with her "perfect" body is likely to exacerbate any existing bodily insecurities for sure, given the fact that we live in a culture where a woman's worth is measured largely based on her perceived sexual attractiveness and how she stacks up compared to some unattainable and arbitrary standards.

I'd love to hear a rebuttal for this, and have asked Marvel to write me an explanation of what the draw of strip clubs is, gross, sexist reasons and all. We'll see what happens!

What do you think? Are women jealous about their partners visiting strip clubs because of nature, our society's emphasis on extreme monogamy or insecurity? Or is it all three? Talk to me.

Much love, 

The Sheriff