lessons from the freshman year of life

As many of ya'll know, the Sheriff (yours truly) went to Smith College, the land of feminism and liberalism and far too many nose rings. Looking back, everything is in some sort of Instagram style filter--I ate exotic foods downtown! I debated the important of gender and class until 3AM! I had #whitegirlcollegeproblems! Even as I juggled part-time jobs and occasional douche bag significant other woes, life was good.

And it came to an end. And I stumbled into the Real World during one of the worst recessions since the Depression, with about $35K in debt and a terribly UNspecific plan to do important things that mattered, fabulously. The freshman year of life was tumultuous, no doubt about it. I over-drafted my account far more than I'd like to admit, wasted time and energy on men who were so far from right, and endured my first actual back pain from late night lesson planning. But I also signed my first lease, learned how to use the Philly subway, and enjoyed some incredible late night dancing, all while inching ever so slightly closer to figuring out my purpose in life.

Some lessons and reflections from this year, some of which I'm still processing:

--It's okay to still not know what you want to do in life. But forward motion is what matters. Be proactive, do research, explore some options. Take some risks! It's terrifying in this economy to abandon a well-paying gig for the unknown, so I'm not advocating putting yourself in the poorhouse, but this process of finding your way towards work and a life that fulfills you is the important part, not just reaching the destination of ultimate success and fulfillment that we imagine is waiting at the end of the rainbow.

--On that note: having a big, scary notion of success that motivates you in a positive way is exhilarating and wonderful. But it's really far more important to try to ditch those definitions of success that make you feel like you're a failure or not enough. To quote Kate of Eat The Damn Cake (which I'm clearly obsessed with), "I think about it like this: GOLD MEDAL NOBEL PEACE PRIZE PULITZER A MILLION DOLLARS GIANT BOOK DEAL HOUSEHOLD NAME SUPERMODEL MOVIE STAR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD LOVES YOU MORE THAN THEY LOVE THEIR KIDS." I usually think of success like this too. It doesn't help that my parents are mildly disappointed by the fact that I'm not at least a Senator of a small state yet. And it's doing me absolutely NO GOOD. Click here to read more of that excerpt from ETDC. Seriously. Do it.

--Know your checking account balance. Err'day. Overdraft fees suck.

--Find the things that you loved about college and try to re-create them in whatever place you're in now. Loved having a community of women? Reach out to people who live near you, or nurture the friendships you already have developed. Missing the thirsty Thursdays? Make sure that you enjoy after work happy hours! Wish you still had that intellectual stimulation? Join a class or go to lectures at a nearby campus.

--Give yourself time to be by yourself. It'll let you figure things out, like what's really important to you and what hobbies you actually like when you're not busy avoiding writing papers.

--RELAX. There is actually no deadline by which you must have your life figured out or else be branded a failure (none that anyone's told me about yet!). There are lots of ways to live an incredible and fulfilling life that makes you happy without it being totally perfect. You will get there. And I will to.

What've you learned this year, freshman year of life or not?

Much love,
The Sheriff