can feminists be funny?

maybe the scariest laughing picture I found.

 Okay, so that title is a little bit intentionally inflammatory, but I had to get you interested, right? Clearly there's a plethora of funny feminists out there, including performers and regular folks, but there's also an overriding perception of feminists as uptight. Unable to chill out. Bitches. While that's obviously untrue, sometimes I find myself feeling that like woman. Like when I was recently watching this video of Snoop Dogg at the roast of Donald Trump.

Now I gotta admit: I love me some Snoop Dogg. Yes, his lyrics (especially his early stuff) are misogynistic like whoa, and he has done some shady stuff in his lifetime, but he has great flow and I genuinely wish my voice sounded like his. But watching this clip just made me uncomfortable. All of the insults directed at the females are either about how they're massive sluts or their appearance, the sole exception being his joke about a deaf woman sounding like she was clubbing a baby seal while she practiced her lines. Oh, and he insults one of the men present by saying he's so ugly, he looks like Lisa Lampanelli's vagina. Cute.

I've pointed out before that the most effective way to insult a woman seems to be to target her looks or her sexuality in some way because that's what we're primarily taught in our culture to value about ourselves. A degree from the Ivies might be nice, but not without a flat stomach to accompany it.

So does it make me an uptight bitch that I find this kind of humor lacking in creativity and a lil bit offensive? I don't think so. While I'm not a warrior for political correctness all the time, I think there can absolutely be incredible humor that's original and hilarious and interesting without resorting to tired old lines about "oh man she's such a ho, and isn't she ugly/fat too?" I don't watch many popular movies, as I'm not up with the young hip kids these days, but I imagine most romantic comedies and the like stick to the same script.

What do you think? Have you found any particularly offensive examples lately? Or any awesome woman-friendly humor (please share)? Or, like me, do you laugh at silly cat pictures most of the time?

Much love,
The Sheriff

gotta get down with friday links

"Sluts" march against sexual assault stereotypes. SO GOOD. YES ALL OVER THIS.

Being poor: not an exhaustive list, but a start at capturing the experience.

This article about Britney is just sad, but spot-on. You can tell she's trapped by her creepy dad.  

How dare you disrespect the queendom? Defending single mothers of color!

Much love,
The Sheriff

happy birthday...

...to me! The Sheriff is 22 today. So in lieu of a normal post about feminist-y stuff, I'ma do one of those cute internet things.

3rd birthday. party like a rockstar.

22 things learned  in 22 Years

1. It's worth it to take the time to learn how to change a flat tire yourself, especially for women. Do you really want to be stranded somewhere in the dark waiting for AAA or some random dude to take pity and help you? I don't think so. It ain't hard, but it is empowering.

2. Feminism is awesome (you knew that would be in here somewhere, right?).

3. An orgasm can cure almost any problem, or at least make you feel better about it. I recently discovered that it makes my migraines, which send me into homicidal rage at the slightest sound, much less severe. And it's a great natural sleep aid!

4. Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself more than the person you're forgiving.

5. Tofu can be really delicious. It will never be delicious at Smith College.

6. Being legal to drink is EXPENSIVE. I will shamelessly pretend to flirt with men to get free alcohol and then tell them politely to fuck off after they pay for it because feminism to me means that I protect my paltry income (and that I owe them nothing if they're willing to pony up the cash for booze). So there.

7. No one will notice the five pounds (or your greasy hair, or your massive pimple) you think you've gained. And if they do, they need a hobby and perhaps to not be in your life.

8. Appreciate your health while you have it! I know I'm WAY young to say that, but I've caught two awful flu-like illnesses this semester, and can't believe how incredibly ungrateful I am about my health most of the time (and that's just a minor illness!).

9. You don't actually have to do all of the reading for all of your classes all of the time. I promise.

10. Perfecting your "don't-fuck-with-me" walk and face is almost as useful as a self-defense class in warding off creepers.

11. So is telling them you will call the cops if they continue to follow you!

12. Thighs that touch are better than an eating disorder.

13. Make sure that your companions lock your car doors upon exiting at night in a city, or it will be ransacked when you return. True story.

14. It's cliche, but it's true: comparison is the thief of joy.

15. Do anything with confidence (walk into an employees only area to use the bathroom, steal someone's drink out of their hands) and people will believe you have a right to do it 85% of the time. Only use this power for good.

16.The generic brand tastes the same (except for Diet RC Cola. That shit is nasty).

17. Don't wait for other people to make you happy or tell you you're beautiful. Do it yourself. It means more anyway when you've worked for it.

18.Talk to people. They're less scary than you think. You might even make a friend!

19. Finding a form of exercise that you actually love (Belly dance! Zumba! Yoga! Jogging! Rock climbing!) will make you excited to do it. And you will feel amazing afterward, I promise.

20.Crazy bells and whistles boning can be awesome, but vanilla sex is great too, if it's with the right person.

21.You should have something you believe in. Maybe a deity, maybe yourself, maybe just the power of cheesy music to make you feel good. But believing is good.

22. Sometimes, it's necessary to call your mama (whoever that is in your life) and cry it out.


What've you learned since your last birthday? Any great wisdom or epiphanies?

Much love,
The Sheriff

how much is too much? ethics and personal blogging

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You may have noticed, dear readers, if you've been following FF for any amount of time that I tend to tell it like it is. Sometimes this results in you knowing perhaps more than you ever wanted to about my clitoral hood piercing or failed butt sex experience or first Brazilian wax in explicit detail, but I firmly believe that these details are what makes this blog fun to read AND that I have a responsibility to be honest in my writing. It's not journalism and I don't take it that seriously, but I do feel it's important to put it all out there. Even the not so sexy or perfect stuff.

Inevitably, this involves writing about the people I've interacted with sexually too, and while I've noted before that FF is definitely less explicit and personal than it was when it started, it absolutely comes up. But is that ethical? Is it okay for me to write about these experiences and put it out there, even if it's in an entirely anonymous way?

I frankly haven't given it that much thought until a few days ago when it came up with Meatball. I asked him if he even reads the blog anymore, and he said no (cue hurt feelings since this blog is my baby), and some prying revealed that he feels uncomfortable reading about himself, good or bad. And that he got a lot of flack for this post from his frat brothers. All of whom read it. Poor kid. 

His solution was just to not read the blog, and that's fine. But it leaves me with a conundrum: how to write about topics inspired by my life without also putting past and current sexual partners into the spotlight somewhat? My instinct is that people should toughen up and get a thicker skin, but I've also not been the subject of a post written by someone else, so maybe that's a lil itty bit presumptuous. But I also think I should be able to be honest and that I owe that to all ya'll (he also hates the use of the word "ya'll" so I'ma just have to sprinkle that in here more liberally now that I know he's not reading it!). It's not for everyone and obviously it's up to each blogger to figure out how much and what to share of themselves, but for me, it's low risk as this is pretty anonymous and frankly, I think it makes it more interesting to hear little details of writers' lives. But that's just me.

Whatcha think?

Much love,
The Sheriff

links

The Obama administration just released a comprehensive report on the status of women in this country a few weeks ago. Ya'll know what I'm reading for fun!

This post features a lovely Smithie dorm. I just thought it was cute and wanted to spread the word about our ridiculously amazing dorms.

Do you remember Mick Foley? Wrestler guy? He gives really fantastic life advice. Seriously. HE HAS A BOOK AND HE LIKES TORI AMOS.

And since it's April Fool's Day, some good Margaret Cho.

Much love,
The Sheriff

the comparison trap

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Ever been to the gym, supermarket, bar (insert place that you frequent here) and found yourself next to the hottest girl in the room (yes, hottest is a debatable term but go with your own personal vision of that hot girl from high school that you never were)? And found yourself comparing the whole time, critiquing all the things about yourself that fall short, and then finding minute flaws in her in an attempt to make yourself feel better?

Yup.The dialogue might go something like this: Damn, my thighs are tree trunks compared to hers. But look at her cankles! At least we're both short. I shouldn't have eaten that burrito right before hitting the gym. And so on.

But here's the thing about comparison: it doesn't make you feel good or motivate you to do anything positive to change your body or how you feel about it. It's a trap! It's kinda like weighing yourself: maybe you have more information than you did before, but you still feel crappy about your body at the end. You don't feel anymore attractive, and furthermore, as BeautySchooled pointed out, it might even make you fat.

So how do we stop this constant accounting of our flaws and our neighbors' too? Think of all the good stuff you bring to the table, but not in relation to others (your thighs can be awesome, no matter how slim that lady on the next treadmill is). Remind yourself constantly. Don't weigh yourself! Point it out to your friends how great they look, and enjoy how nice to feels to not be aggressively comparing yourselves.

Anyone else have any tips?
Much love,
The Sheriff

This is a short-ish post, mostly of things I've already said here in various ways and places

yesterday was thursday, today is friday links!

Surely you've seen the Rebecca Black video the title references and I don't need to link to it.

When it comes to sex ed, some teens disbelieve the Internet. I'm working on a post about sex ed classes and whatnot, so I'd love to hear your comments on this article!

Why I am a black male feminist. So good.

White rich gay couples more acceptable than single moms? Not exactly progress...

If you saw the atrocity that was Alexandra Wallace's YouTube rant about Asian students' behavior at UCLA (the video itself was deleted, but this rant response has some of the more offensive parts in it), then you're probably not surprised to hear that she's no longer attending UCLA because she feels she's been harassed. Harassment is never good, but frankly, if you're gonna say racist shit on the Internet, be prepared for the backlash!

Stop feeling bad about your body (if for no other reason than because it's not helping you get thinner!).

Much love,
The Sheriff