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Yup.The dialogue might go something like this: Damn, my thighs are tree trunks compared to hers. But look at her cankles! At least we're both short. I shouldn't have eaten that burrito right before hitting the gym. And so on.
But here's the thing about comparison: it doesn't make you feel good or motivate you to do anything positive to change your body or how you feel about it. It's a trap! It's kinda like weighing yourself: maybe you have more information than you did before, but you still feel crappy about your body at the end. You don't feel anymore attractive, and furthermore, as BeautySchooled pointed out, it might even make you fat.
So how do we stop this constant accounting of our flaws and our neighbors' too? Think of all the good stuff you bring to the table, but not in relation to others (your thighs can be awesome, no matter how slim that lady on the next treadmill is). Remind yourself constantly. Don't weigh yourself! Point it out to your friends how great they look, and enjoy how nice to feels to not be aggressively comparing yourselves.
Anyone else have any tips?
Much love,
The Sheriff
This is a short-ish post, mostly of things I've already said here in various ways and places
Like it or not, I think it's part of human nature to compare. And this goes for our own looks or our accomplishments. And if we don't compare ourselves, people around us will. We can't always be positive and must be able to take some criticism. You can't always be number 1. I mean, not every film can win a best picture Oscar (let alone be nominated,) right? Some have to win (lose?) Razzies.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's part of human nature, but I don't think it's healthy to encourage it, especially for physical looks. A huge part of the way we look is immutable: I can't change my bone structure or how my fat falls on my body (though if I could, I'd pick a much smaller cup size!) without surgery, and to compare myself to other people in these things only increases misery. And I think you can be number one to yourself, at least, in terms of how well you treat yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf it were something where it might be inspiring (like "wow! She was so confident delivering her presentation!" or "Her times on that run were fast!") and attainable, that's different of course and can serve as a healthy catalyst for improvement. But part of my core message to people is to accept yourself where you are before you try to make changes.
I agree with you regarding the looks for the most part. You probably know that I'm a style blogger (delectablychic.com and shorty-stories.com). Last season at Toronto Fashion Week, I had the opportunity to see Phillip Bloch, a stylist to many celebs. He told the audience that those who're the most beautiful are those who are the most confident. It's all about "working it" and it doesn't matter whether someone is full or slim. Ones who fit the traditional definition of beauty, yet look sad all the time just don't look as good as those who don't fit that standard, yet carry themselves well. I also think clothes help one's confience. Many larger people (male and female) don't look as good as they should because of ill-fitting clothes. If only people can spend more time understanding their own bodies and fit, then more will be happy with themselves. Of course, you have to be healthy as well (let's just say that I'm not that pleased with the food they're selling at Toronto Fashion Week. Lots of sugar and carbs. The "healthiest" item on the menu is latte) I'm sure you'll agree with me on this.
ReplyDeleteI believe that in order to break the habit of comparing yourself to others you have to remove yourself as much as possible from the people/corporations that are feeding those standards to you in the first place. Who in your life is telling you that it's better to have thin thighs than thick ones? Or a certain ankle shape?
ReplyDeleteIf it's your friends judging other women or hating on themselves in front of you, ask them to stop. If it's the magazines you read, stop reading them. If it's tv shows, stop watching them. How can anyone expect to willingly consume these messages and NOT internalize them and apply them to their own body? These messages are designed to make you hate yourself, and these corporations have very smart people with a lot of money figuring out the most effective ways to do that. Don't give them the chance.
The only way I got (almost entirely) over my body hatred was by limiting exposure to those messages as much as possible and replacing them with positive messages that celebrate a wide variety of body types. My friend gave me a black-and-white nude portrait of a very beautiful fat woman and I hung it in my kitchen. I read blogs and tumblrs that show how sexy all sorts of people are. It takes a little work and dedication but if you do it now then you'll have the whole rest of your life to enjoy your body instead of hating it.