how not to be That Girl (no, not that one)

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I'm sure you (I'm talking to my Smithies now, though surely other colleges have this phenomenon) have heard of and encountered That Girl in your classes: she constantly raises her hand, talks slooowly, loves the sound of her own voice, says ridiculous shit, and, perhaps worst of all, corrects the professor (but NOT in a helpful way). But today I'm talking about the more common That Girl on our campus: the one who looks stressed, who seems like a zombie, who always seems to be whining about how much work she has. We've all been her at times, but guys? No one likes to be around her. So here's how to not be That Girl and how to have an amazing semester.

--Get a head start now. I do this with every class, every semester: get a head start on those readings NOW. Work at least a class ahead so that if something unexpected comes up (illness, friend has a break up and needs support, frat party), you are still not behind. Which means you won't be pulling all-nighters and being a cranky bitch.

--Take care of yourself. I know college is not particularly a time of prime healthy habits for most of us because we have youth on our side: our bodies can function amazingly well given the amount of abuse they sustain from lack of sleep, caffeine consumption, alcoholic indulgences, sedentary hours in class, and shitty dining hall food/late night PizzaAmore deliciousness. But I promise that you will feel so much more amazing if you a) sleep enough (you know what you need, I can't preach...plus I go to bed mad early as I am supremely boring), b) eat something green at least once a day (I know there is always salad available, no excuses ya'll!), c) take advantage of the free gym/Get Fit Smith classes. Movement feels so good (the walk from the Quad to class doesn't count), d) maybe consider cutting back on the caffeine. Research shows it has bad side effects (duh), but also that it doesn't have as much of an effect on your memory/alertness when you're indulging daily. I would offer some advice on not boozing it up, but that's futile: if you want to, do it safely and smart is all I advise (pace yourself, drink water, don't do shots, etc.).

--Have an orgasm every day. With a friend, by yourself, whatever. Just do it. You'll be amazed how much happier and calm you are (and how much better you sleep!). Oh My, as always, has the best selection. You can also shop online (Drugstore.com has an adult toy section, and you can also buy them on Amazon.com, if you're shy about the mail lady knowing you just bought a dildo).

--Remember that you're in control. What? Yes. I don't care if that sounds new-agey because it's true. Especially at Smith, you choose the extent to which you (over) extend yourself. You pick your classes, and you determine your study habits (which will in turn influence if you need to panic at finals or if you're actually well-prepared just by staying on top of your shit). You're not some powerless pawn at this school!

--When you study, really go for it. An hour of actually doing your reading/studying your flashcards is far more potent and helpful than sitting in the Rec Room (ahem) for ages talking to people/checking Facebook while you're "trying" to study. Here's some fantastic tips on maximizing your productivity so you can do work, get shit done, and then go have fun.

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--Quit yer bitching. No one likes to be around someone negative, and by dwelling on how busy you/how little sleep you've had/whatever (which are often due to your own choices, as noted above), you keep yourself locked into a cycle of feeling sorry for yourself/unhappy to be here.

--If you truly need help, ask. Sometimes things happen (death in the family, serious illness, mental health problems, what have you) that are truly beyond your control. And you're not alone when that happens. There's tutoring from peers, the QLC for math help, your professors who would've gone to teach at a huge research institution if they didn't want to interact with you, your friends, your Res Life, Counseling Services, the Wellness Office. Smith has a bajillion resources to help Smithies stay happy and healthy and emotionally balanced students: take advantage of them.

--Remember that we live in Paradise. Seriously. College is an amazing and short four years, even if Smith is not perfect, so don't spend it being miserable and complaining.

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Much love,
The Sheriff