 |
| source |
Time to drop some knowledge on you: sex can be a really intimate and vulnerable experience (blowing your mind right now, aren't I?). You're naked, they're up in your business, bodily fluids are everywhere...the potential for it to be embarrassing or uncomfortable is pretty damn high. Add into that the fact that many women have complicated, adversarial, and flat-out bad relationships with certain parts of their body that are prominently displayed during boning, and you've got a sometimes sad situation, rife with more anxiety than pleasure and even avoiding specific positions so as to not present so strikingly one's supposed beer gut or thunder thighs or -insert your preferred negative bodily term here- (and maybe dudes are afflicted by this too, though I am less knowledgeable about their body issues).
Personally? Not a fan of the pile driver position (accomplished like this, if you're curious), which the ex Beefcake loved, for two reasons. Number one: it didn't do much for me, and kinda hurt my neck. Number two: it put all of my stomach fat right up in mah face. And of course, in my mind, that's the worst part of my body and uglier than anything and it must've disgusted him, and not exactly a turn-on to stare at. Bad body image ruined a lot of great orgasms in the past.
While I have a few friends who avoid any rear-entry positions because of back problems (and I think it speaks to the level of grandma in my lifestyle that more than one of my 21 year old friends suffers back issues), I also know quite a few who avoid it because they're insecure about the size of their ass/cellulite (imagined or real)/the fear of not knowing exactly how they appear from that angle. Lotsa women (and again, men too) spend a lot of time, energy, and money on their appearance thanks to oppression beauty standards galore, and often we want to control the outcome of all that. Which can, understandably, lead to some insecurity when you're not sure how to hell you look, bent and spread.
I can't say for sure what you specifically look like (well, not most of you readers anyway!), but I'm guessing your partner is thinking: Wow. This person is naked! With ME! This is awesome! They're so hot/cute/funny/curvy/skinny/beautiful. I can't say anyone I've ever had sex with was bodily perfection incarnate, but I rarely noticed their flaws and if I did, it was usually fleeting before I got right back into the point of sex: the pleasure and connection between two people. So while I recommend doing whatever makes you comfortable and gets you off, it's also worth it to work on staying in the pleasure of the moment instead of wrapped up in the internal negative dialogue in your head, no matter what position you're in.
What do you think? Any positions you avoid because of perceived bodily flaws? Have you ever been with a man self-conscious about certain parts so much as to impact his choices of position (haven't encountered it myself, but I'm curious)?
Much love,
The Sheriff
The only position that I wouldn't want to do out of self consciousness would be reverse piledriver ( http://www.sexinfo101.com/reversepiledriver.shtml ). I don't think my butt thrusting down towards a lady's face would be particularly attractive.
ReplyDeleteIf I am having sex with you it is either because I am attracted to you or I am drunk enough that I don't care. Either way, I am too distracted by your vagina to notice anything else. If two mountain lions were fighting over nuclear launch codes while singing Carmen next to me having sex, it would barely register in my consciousness.
ReplyDeleteI think from-behind positions are perhaps the most universally flattering, actually, if one is concerned about such things.
ReplyDeleteIf you're caught up in your "flaws" and need help relaxing, there's always nice sexy mood lighting. You can also keep an article or two of clothing on, if it helps you feel less exposed. That can be even sexier than total nudity.
But personally I think if someone is the type to criticize (or Maude forbid, complain to friends-- I know I used to be concerned about that)... they don't deserve to be in bed with me, period.
Well, you've given me a new position to try - the Piledriver looks interesting.
ReplyDeleteBut I have to say, it's similar to the yoga position the plow (ha! funny), and that one can be dangerous for the neck. The yoga fix is to put a folded blanket under the shoulders with the head hanging off the end, so the cervical spine retains its natural shape and doesn't get crunched. Might help with your neck hurting problem AND prevent spinal injury.