Babies seem to be everywhere recently, cute babies downtown, screaming babies in the supermarket, it’s been babies galore and I just don’t want anything to do with it. The idea of having a baby right now is so repulsive it makes me slightly nauseous, what’s worse is how badly my body wants a baby. Seriously, I see a baby and it’s like my uterus wants to jump out of my body.
With my “biological clock” obviously in overdrive I wanted to find a safe convenient way to ensure that I would not be getting woken up at 3am by a crying infant. I have always used birth control, but lets face it… the pill is a pain in the ass, and I always forget to take it at the right time. It just so happened that I had my yearly gyno exam a few weeks ago ( if you haven’t gone recently you really should!) and we we’re talking about birth control and I decided that I really wanted to try an IUD. After getting the whole “risks and benefits” talk I excitedly made an appointment to get an IUD inserted.
I had wonderfully supportive friends and even my mama thought it was a good idea, so I had relatively few apprehensions leading up to the appointment, that is until I casually mentioned it to a friend of mine from back home. Get this, she actually told me that I was going to get every STI known to man because having an IUD would automatically make me into a careless sex-addict! Excuse me, but if I’m not a whore now, having an effective form of birth control is not going to turn me into one and obviously I use condoms anyways. Leave it to one of my oldest friends to totally burst my bubble and make me feel like a complete slut just because I was trying to take an active, informed, role in my sexual health.
Obviously my friend’s opinion was hurtful, but it didn’t change my mind about getting the IUD (though I did need to hash it out with one of my better friends first). The day of the insertion I take 3 Motrin (as instructed) drink a coffee and head off to the gyno. The nurse takes me to my room and asks me if I am positive about getting the IUD and then proceeds to comfort me by assuring me it’s easily removable. The strangest part about talking to this nurse was how much she was telling me about her life, what she had for breakfast, where she had met her wife. All these extraneous tidbits that I would normally love to hear just made me feel horribly awkward about the looming reality that something was getting shoved into my uterus.
I have never felt as uncomfortable as I did waiting for my gyno to come and start the insertion process, although I knew that I wanted the IUD I couldn’t help but think of the judgment my friend had passed, or wonder if more people felt the same way she did and just hadn’t told me. The gyno came in, I signed the consent form (I, “mama bear”, promise not to sue your pants off if you fuck up horribly), laid down with my feet in the metal stirrups, and was raised to the seated gynecologists eye level. As the bed squeaked to a stop my vagina was on full display,
“you’re going to feel a lot of pressure”… followed by “congratulations your uterus is big enough for the IUD” (phew… I’m glad it isn’t too small, how embarrassing would that be).
“Ok, I’m about to insert the insertion rod, you’re going to feel cramping” ( I breath hard and don’t react when the stabbing pain of having something attach to your cervix happens)
“ I’m just going to try a new location, you’re going to feel that cramp again”… “ let me try this again”…. “hmm, okay one more time” (what the hell is wrong with me, why isn’t it working?)
“You are doing so great, I cant believe you’re handling this so well, I know it’s painful… but I just can’t get it in, your uterus is just tilted to far back. I’m sorry”
At this point I have been laying with my vagina in the air for a solid 40 minutes, I wanted to say “ well try harder” but I knew she had my best interest at heart. I felt broken, my uterus is such a freak of nature that she (who has inserted hundreds of IUDs) can’t put it in. I went in to get an IUD put in to prevent pregnancy but for a split second I was actually horribly scared that I would never be able to have a baby. I was reassured that this didn’t mean I couldn’t and wouldn’t have beautiful healthy babies at some point and sent home with a prescription for another birth control. The ladies at the front desk harmlessly asked me if I had severe cramping, and when I explained and they let out a collective “oh” I felt like giving my uterus a hug and telling it “it’s not your fault, I still love you even though you’re ruining my plan for easy birth control”.
My cervix is now bloody and angry for being prodded at, I still slightly feel like “damaged goods,” and it bothers me to no end that I got so upset at the IUD insertion failure. Although the IUD option is obviously not viable for me, I still think that it was worth the attempt. My experience is unusual, and though it was not what I had hoped for, it was not a negative experience. If the opportunity presents itself I will try to get an IUD again.
How do you all feel about IUD’s, birth control, the gynecologist, your uterus, your partner’s uterus, babies? Have you had a “damaged goods” moment?
-Mama Bear
-Mama Bear
I hear ya. I had an IUD for a year before I accidentally pulled it out with my Diva Cup. I was completely devastated and inconsolable. We're back to condoms, and I actually like that birth control is now our joint responsibility again. With the IUD, I felt like all the responsibility was on me. It is a mixed bag.
ReplyDeletehow do you feel about the Nuvaring? I've been using it for about a year now and I think it's great. And I only have to think about it once a month.
ReplyDeletep.s. my uterus is tilted back too. You're not a freak I promise.
I actually used to use Nuvaring, and am now using it again. I love Nuvaring, its a good option.
ReplyDelete-mama bear
I actually just recently had an IUD inserted, and I really love it. But plenty of women can't have it inserted, and that doesn't mean anything about the quality of your uterus. It just means that it's special! I also seriously considered the Nuva Ring, but I'm trying to avoid putting hormones into my body. If it makes you feel any better, the IUD gave me bad cramps for days after, and I will have heavier, more painful periods from now on. But if I were you, I would check out the Nuva Ring, it would probably do the same thing that the IUD would have for you.
ReplyDeleteJulianabritto.com
Wow, I could write a whole book in response to this post. I'll skip my personal story (including my incredibly envy that you were told to take advil ahead of time!) and ask if you were having your period at time of attempted insertion. I would guess no, since it would be harder to identify angry cervix blood versus sad cervix blood (cuz blood means no baby and no baby is a tragedy, duh). Anyway, if not, you might want to try again on one of the first days of your period. Technically, you can get an IUD any time, but cervix positioning and ripeness can make the beginning of your period somewhat easier. On the other hand, there are some people who just don't get along with certain birth control methods, so it might just be a matter of trying them all out until you find what works best for you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI just want to say that it takes a lot of courage and maturity to 1) Take charge of your own reproductive health by learning about the options and making a choice about what's best for you 2) Deal with ignorant and hurtful reactions to that decision and to go through with it despite them, and 3) Be willing to share your experience with others so that they can make better decisions for themselves.
ReplyDeleteYour friend from back home needs to learn a thing or two about sex and reproduction. That line about how you're going to get all slutty and catch STIs is as old as the Pill. I'm sure it has shamed a lot of women into not pursuing contraception, and then getting pregnant as a result. Good for you for not letting her shame you.
I've been thinking about getting an IUD for a few years but I'm pretty nervous about the procedure. It helps to have heard your experience, and to know that if it doesn't work out for me, then hey, that's just what happens sometimes. Maybe when/if I get health insurance again I'll do it.