 |
| source |
Although we see photos of "flawless" celebrity mothers on the daily whose bodies are seemingly untouched by pregnancy and childbirth, the truth is that both are HUGE ENORMOUS process that will change a woman and her body, sometimes in incredible ways (you made a PERSON and stored and nurtured it in YOUR BODY and then GOT IT OUT of you. DAMN!). But this change can still be devastating when we're taught and socialized as women to invest so much of our self-worth, sexuality and identity into our bodies and appearance. This woman's story over on Shape of a Mother (a site that allows women a space to showcase their bodies post-pregnancy, without judgment, stretch marks, sag and all) particularly drove that home for me.
If you merely look at her photos, her body is in great shape and makes her maybe look like one of those celebrities that we kinda hate for how quickly they snap back into shape (what are they, wizards?!). But her story is heart breaking and outraging, as one of her motivations to lose weight was based in her husband's cruel retort to her asking when they could resume sex: "Not until you lose the baby weight." As a commenter noted, it was nice of her to stay with her husband (though the way she tells her story, it is one of redemption)!
I have had many friends and family members who reported how much better they felt after "getting their body back" (back from what? Who took it, the baby?), how much sexier and more like themselves. Whether that's authentic or just born of a limited idea of "sexy" based on fitting in their high school jeans size, I can't say. But I myself have joked that I'll lose weight just before getting pregnant to make the weight gain less scary, so I observe this without my judgment face on.
What do you think? It is "letting yourself go" to accept one's new shape/size as a mother, whatever that may be? Or does "getting your body back" through weight loss hold some empowerment, even if it is often bound up in socially conditioned ideas of what's beautiful/sexy (ideas that don't really include mothers unless they're stereotypically hot MILFS)?
Much love,
The Sheriff
First, what sweet words about moms. I love that picture and I might save it for my Mother's Day post.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, I don't think it's bad to want to get your body back as long as you have your health mainly in mind. Many women become addicted to pregnancy eating, and after they give birth, they still continue to eat as if they are pregnant. But if one is obsessed with getting their body back to the size and shape it was before pregnancy, then that is unhealthy and they need to get their priorities straight.
I'm conflicted about the whole post-pregnancy body drama. On the one hand, yeah, you've been through a war. You probably never will be the same... and that's maybe okay! The stretch marks and such are battle scars and you can wear them proudly.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I think so many moms struggle with their sense of themselves as separate from that mom role — it's an important job, yes, but it can't provide all of the meaning in your life. (Otherwise, what do you do when your kids grow up?) So wanting to get your pre-baby body back seems to have a lot to do with reclaiming your sense of yourself as someone separate from your child. And I support that! But I don't think women should torture themselves to do it — you are still you, no matter what size or how many stretch marks you have.