Porn, cont'd.

Ok. I totally get all of the Albright Sheriff’s pros, and kids, whatever floats your boat is ok by me.

But what if porn is not what floats your boat, but what’s programming your boat to float?

THIS is what freaks me out, along with the wonderfully worded arguments in the comment on the Sheriff’s post. Personally, I have NO desire to have sex “like a porn star” or resemble a porn star in any way. It simultaneously amazes and terrifies me that plastic (literally), fake blonds with beach ball boobs that look like they might slip out of place at any second are determining what so many men (and some women) think a sexy woman looks like. Or make boys think they’re inadequate because they don’t have a 10 inch penis. (Most women wouldn’t want that if you did have it, dearies.) However, while women’s idea of “what is sexy” is pretty fluid throughout their lives, men’s turn-ons are pretty much set for life by age 15 or 16. If porn has had a more dominant influence on their sexual experience at that point than real girls, what does that mean for the rest of their lives? Men in the 16th century thought hairy legs, well-fed figures, and plucked foreheads were beautiful, because that’s what they were given to think was beautiful. Why has the media and the porn industry turned sexy into starvation victims with injections in all the “right” places?

Not to mention, the concept of sex was so limited and mechanical – what do you even need another person there for? There was no human connection whatsoever, which as I’ve said before, is the part of sex that appeals to me most and provides the most fun and pleasure. To not even have their bodies really connecting – except where a camera can view them slamming into each other – was bizarre and disconcerting. Is this really a normalized vision of what sex is?

I was surprised. I didn’t expect to love, or even like porn, but I also didn’t expect it to make me never want to have sex again. Probably that won’t last, but seeing porn for the first time was a HUGE turn off for me personally. All I could think (aside from, GROSS) was, "Is this really what guys are expecting? Is THAT what I’m supposed to do? And if so, I have probably been a huge disappointment to every partner I’ve ever had. I’m boring and not at all sexy and will never be able to be."

Now, I know this is not true. I don’t have any desire to be with someone who can’t appreciate my own individual type of appeal, and I was proud that the next thought to cross my mind was, “Damn, no wonder so few guys have managed to give me an orgasm, if this is their instruction manual. That would never work for me, and that’s their problem, not mine.” I’m glad that it cuts both ways, and didn’t only undermine my self-esteem. But I’m in the most empowering environment in the universe – how many girls think they need to turn themselves into something resembling the very limited conception of a porn star in order to please their partner, and put pleasing their partner above being comfortable and pleasing themselves? How many guys are programmed by the limited ideas of what “sexy” can be? Who knows what they would find appealing if the ultimate embodiment of sex propaganda was more open and realistic. Maybe the body hair phobia (a whole ‘nother post) would die down and women wouldn’t have to look like pre-pubescent girls. Maybe girls who develop late, or just have small breasts, wouldn’t spend as many hours hating their bodies. I don’t want to judge any one’s personal choices; go forth and fetish to your heart’s content, so long as you have a consenting partner. But don’t make me feel like I can’t be sexy, just because I’m not currently interested in that version of sex, and don’t want my personal life to resemble something that’s packaged in shrink wrap and comes in a box.

Other thoughts, anyone?

Lots of Love,
The Librarian