The South's Blind Side

I finally had time to sit down and watch “The Blind Side.” Just my mom and me- two southern women commenting intermittently throughout the movie about Sandra Bullock’s character, Mrs. Leigh Anne Tuohy, and the role of Southern women as the game-changers in our society. Yes- our: the South IS different. Not redneck different- Yankees can DEFINITELY be rednecks. I mean societally, culturally, systematically different. I’ve put on my traveling shoes and my sunglasses, and I've spent most of my life traveling all over this lovely nation and trust me, the South may have its issues, but it’s the best place on earth.

Back to the movie.

I’d had discussions with many people- including many women- over the course of the movie’s existence about the role of the white, college-educated interior decorator who takes it upon herself to help Michael Oher. Most notably, this discussion took place tonight with my mom. She instantly took the race card, chewed through it; white guilt- not even a question. She brushed away the doing-it-for-the-fame argument like a little gnat.

Did I mention mama’s a lawyer? She passes judgments like Justice Scalia shoots ducks- immediately, and on target (Oh wait, that's his hunting buddy, Cheney). Her judgment on Mrs. Tuohy was based on the woman’s desire to make sure the people in her life were cared for. In the South, this is what feminism looks like. Chanel and Mahnolos may be the armor, but what drives these married, traditional, family-values women is seeing their loved ones get everything they deserve and more. They are at every football game, they hire a tutor, since they work too, they make sure their daughters understand why they’re strong, and they make damn sure nobody puts them down on the way. They are in charge of their lives, their families’ lives, and they let their husbands pretend they have a say. But really, the Mrs. Tuohys in my life will always get their way. Because their way is the right way. And nobody puts them, their families, or their friends down along the way.

They fight bigger battles than most armies- they fight racism, classicism, gender inequality, disease, and loss along the way – but they do it for the people around them. They work tirelessly to better their communities at home and globally because it makes life better for everyone. And they’re polite doing it. They maintain the perception of being weak and helpless, but pack heat. Remember “Steel Magnolias”? It’s not a contradiction. It’s the fundamental underpinning of strong southern women.
They want everyone to think they are simply wives and mothers perpetuating stereotypes, because it makes getting things done right the first time a hell of a lot easier. They know the old boy’s club isn’t going anywhere as long as southern men need to feel they have something they’re in charge of besides the height of the grass on their lawns. So they get dolled up, go to lunch, go to games and practices, go to board meetings, go to work, clean the house, check homework, fix dinner, go shopping, etc. and get things done the way women have always gotten them done- by talking about the problem and actively doing something about it. Mr. Tuohy would have just kept driving that fall night and asked about Big Mike every once in a while, maybe he would have thrown some money at the problem. Mrs. Leigh Anne Tuohy, however, made sure the problem was addressed head on.

As Rachel Maddow said at my commencement ceremony two weekends ago, go for the glory, not the fame. The Mrs. Tuohys definitely go for the glory, every time.

The glory is why the South is different. We southern women refuse to sit back and let the problem pass us by. We don’t ask for credit. We just make sure it’s fixed as best as we know how. It may not look like feminism to others, but its the way we know how to get things done most effectively. And since we're in charge, it doesn't really matter what it's called as long as this code of being continues to be upheld.

I watched this fabulous portrayal of a strong southern woman next to my own Mrs. Tuohy, feeling unbelievably honored to share a couch with her.

With admiration for all the Mrs. Tuohys in my life,

Texas