Don’t think im naïve

For years I told myself that losing my virginity was nothing special, that it was just sex and that I would “do it” whenever given the opportunity. The thing is, the opportunity has presented itself countless times, and alas I am still a virgin. It wasn’t until a conversation with an old friend that I realized that the reason why I had subconsciously turned down the opportunities (including using the “I realize I’m totally naked and on top of you, but I’m tired and am going to go to bed now” excuse) was because I actually do care about losing my virginity. The ability to choose who I lose my virginity with is empowering, and I want to make sure that I won’t wake up regretting my decision.

Yes, I’m a college student and a virgin, but that does not mean that I am naïve or inexperienced. I know exactly how to pleasure myself, and I am not hesitant to tell the guys I’m with what I want. This seemed to make an ex, a president of a frat (so let’s “lovingly” call him frat-boy), rather uncomfortable. He was more than willing to comply with my suggestions of naked canoeing or my love of props, but when it came to me telling him how to pleasure me (without penal penetration) it was as though I had chopped off his manhood. Later on frat-boy had the nerve to tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about, and even prior to being a Smithie I dished out the “ I know what makes my body feel good.”

The past year has changed my outlook on a lot of things. Fellow Smithies have helped me realize the importance of doing things which make me, not the people in my life, happy. At some point I realized the empowerment, and importance, of choosing the right man (or woman) to have sex with. Looking at my friends from home I wonder how many regret who they lost their virginity with, did any of them have that morning after regret. For their sake I hope they didn’t, I also hope that they are confident enough to say what they want. For those of you reading this, I realize it’s a bit of a rant and it leaves a lot of holes for the imagination to fill in. I wish someone had told me in high school that having sex, specifically losing my virginity, was not the only way to feel like a woman, it would have defiantly helped my self confidence. So ladies, have sex or don’t but either way make sure it is what and how you want it.

so much love,
mama bear