Albright Legend

I'm tired of all this intellectualizin' (not really, I just want an excuse to share this) so this is just going to be one of my favorite stories, classic Drunk Sheriff shit. It is the stuff of Albright House legend, and it even has to do with gender power dynamics (whadda ya know?).

The first time the lovely Albright Fairies went to WPI for a frat party, before I met Meatball, I was scouring the party, trying to find someone to get friendly with so I'd at least have a bed to crash in (if not maybe some satisfactory sex too). Some dude (we'll call him...Skeevy, because that's what he was) came up behind me and began grinding with me (in the typical creeper, swooping in from behind and grabbing the hips move...this is generally not preferable to ASKING a female if she wants to dance, fellas, as Lady Lola has pointed out). We had a bit of loud, "what's your name?" "Skeevy." "STEVIE?!" type conversation, and danced for a song or two before he became seriously aggressive with me. I'm talkin' vigorously rubbing my crotch through my clothes and trying to stick his hands down my shorts, despite me pushing his hands away EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I grew more and more annoyed with this kid, but could not physically escape him (he kept pulling me back). Skeevy asked me, in such a delicate manner, if I'd like to go upstairs and fuck in one of the bathrooms. It dawned on me that this was my moment to get back at him for being so pushy, for not understanding my very consistent nonverbal no, so I decided to play around with him.

I told Skeevy I wasn't sure, playing coy with it. He kept pressuring (drunkenly begging might be more accurate), and I finally said, "I'll go upstairs with you...if you whip out your cock here and now." Mind you, this was in the middle of a crowded frat party. He hesitated for a moment, took a deep breath, and did it.

I took one look at his cock, said "Sorry, you're too small," and walked away. The look on his face was truly priceless.

In retrospect, Sober Sheriff can now see that this was a risky move, because in insulting and humiliating him, he grew obviously was enraged and could've gotten violent. Luckily, I just deeply wounded his pride and earned him giving me the stinkeye for the rest of the night while I danced happily with Meatball.

But more than just hilarious, this was also about re-claiming a sense of agency. This man was much bigger than me. He was much stronger than me. He wasn't taking my nonverbal cues for an answer. I couldn't really do much, on my own, to remedy the situation without getting physical myself, which it didn't yet warrant (to me. Everyone's boundary is different). But by using my sexuality as a tool (men will do the stupidest things for the promise of pussy), I was able to wound his pride enough to give myself a chance to get away, flipping the power dynamic.

Also, it was just hilarious.

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff