I have a complex about clothing. It probably began awhile ago but became much worse during the semester that I spent in Jordan. The title of this post "check yourself girl, where'd your pants go?" will become a remix to the song "Camel Toe" by the FannyPack. This song is about the "camel toe" which happens when women wear pants that are too tight in the front (something every woman needs to avoid). My version will highlight a new "growing epidemic that really ain't cool:" bitches not wearing pants. Leggings are not pants. It is perfectly acceptable to wear a long shirt/dress/skirt that covers your ass, and then wear leggings underneath it, if it would be too short. However, it needs to cover your ass. I understand that not wearing pants is way more comfortable than wearing pants, but it's not legit. (Disclaimer: I have not worn pants on occasion so this post admonishes my own behavior).
A lack of pants highlights a much bigger problem; a lack of overall clothing. In Jordan, most of the women wear hijab (head scarf) and wear clothing that only shows their hands and face. Yes, it's restrictive and way more complicated than solely related to Islam (another post) but in some ways, I think that it's better. After not seeing skin for so long, I have become ultra-sensitive to it, so anytime that I see an excessive amount of cleavage or almost butt cheeks, I stare. I know that most people will read this and say, well, then everyone should show more skin, and then you'd become used to it again.
But skin itself is not the issue. Our society has sexualized skin and body parts. People including my peers claim that having the ability to wear whatever they want (including no pants) gives them more power over their bodies and their sexuality. However, I don't know how much I buy this argument especially for younger girls. If you look around, very few women in their mid to late twenties show all of their (or even most) of their goodies on a daily basis. It's mostly teenagers. For me, my wardrobe has become a vehicle that I can use to express my sexuality or not and prevent others from sexualizing me. I honestly feel uncomfortable wearing a low-cut shirt or anything high above the knee in front of men that I do not know except at parties. The difference is that at a party, I want to be looked at in a sexual way b/c I am generally trying to get some (and I am usually successful, might I add). But in everyday life, I would prefer that men don't look at me and automatically think "wow, I want to bang her" or "nice boobs." I’ve shared this idea with a few friends and they usually say men aren’t that bad (about commenting on women) as I say. However, almost every time that I have hung out with only guys, they have commented on every single, remotely, attractive girls’ ass or boobs who walks by. I want to control when I am that girl. Maybe I am epically failing and over-analyzing everything, but I finally have found some comfortable pants, so I will wear them!
I think a large part of why men in groups insist on commenting when remotely bang-able females walk by is simply the group mentality. There is some social pressure on men, especially young men in a party or college atmosphere, to instantly sexualize the women they see. I'm not sure if it's a covert means of having power to comment and pass judgment either positively or negatively on women's bodies as if they own them, or if it's just the pressure to be "masculine" and constantly horny/thinking about sex/drinking beer.
ReplyDeleteOn a similar note, I think teenagers always have and always will exploit this avenue of "self-expression" more than women in their twenties, simply because it represents a form of rebellion. There's a scary thrill at that age in receiving attention for one's body, and while I absolutely do not think we should encourage that, we should acknowledge that it's there.
Good post!
-Sheriff
Lady Lola,
ReplyDeleteWhile I fully support your decision to only wear "revealing" clothing in certain situations, I don't think we should be in the business of telling other women what is acceptable for them to wear. In a professional setting or at a court hearing, sure, it's in a woman's best interest to cover her butt, but walking down the street? Hanging out in a coffee shop? I see women in these settings in all states of undress and I honestly hardly notice anymore.
As for the age distinction, I think you're right that this is more common among teenagers, but perhaps this is because women in their mid twenties and up are more likely to be in committed monogamous long-term relationships and don't feel the need to flaunt what they've got. Bodies also change as we get older and I bet a lot of older women would still show off their thighs if they looked like they did when they were 16. I wish more older women would feel comfortable enough to flaunt their bodies, or at least not cover them up if they wanted a little sun and air on their limbs.
You may receive fewer comments from men when you cover your knees and boobs, but that doesn't mean they aren't thinking dirty things about you. If it makes you feel more comfortable and it has been effective at reducing unwanted comments, by all means, cover up. But just because a women or girl covers herself does not mean she will be safe from harassment or assault. When I was an undergrad my apartment balcony faced a somewhat busy street that bordered the campus, and every time I sat out there I would hear/see men lean out of their car windows to gawk and shout at women walking down the street. They did this to all of the young-looking women they passed, no matter if they were dressed for a night on the town or wearing a baggy sweatshirt and jeans. When I was 16 a middle-aged guy in a car followed me for blocks in his car trying to talk me into letting him "give me a ride somewhere." It was terrifying. I was wearing men's corduroy pants about 6 sizes too big, a baggy tshirt, and a hoodie. If I had decided on that particular day to wear one of my gothy-catholic-school-girl outfits, I hate to think that others would have blamed me for this man's actions, but I know I would have (wrongly) blamed myself.
While I agree with Sheriff's assertion about group mentality, and know that some men behave this way with their friends but do not alone, I also firmly believe that a lot of this behavior is rooted in the desire to control women.
I don't know, I saw a lot of leggings when I was in Jordan. And other really, not conservative clothing...pretty tight. So I don't know about the whole skin issue. Women still showed their bodies. Sure, some didn't and the usually criticized everyone who didn't wear full Islamic dress. I don't know if that is fair. It subscribes to the logic that women are these dangerous creatures that men can't help but screech at and grab.
ReplyDeleteI know for sure we should not subscribe to the logic that we should feel bad or victimized if we are being victimized or harassed. When I was in Jordan, after being harassed endlessly even though I dress conservatively, I just said fuck it. I still was respectful, just not timid or afraid.
Here is the thing: it is all about being covered or not being covered. You can be sexy either way. Jordan taught me that I am not going to care or comment about someone is wearing/not wearing. I would want that right.
But I still don't like leggings.