what feminism means to me

I often have arguments with Beefcake about things I see as chauvinistic or exploitative (like Girls Gone Wild or reality shows in which women get naked and act poorly such as Bad Girls Club) and he usually ends his point with, "it's their choice to participate in these things, and isn't that what feminism is all about?"

No. Well, not entirely.

While I stand wholeheartedly behind the idea that every woman (and every intersex person and genderqueer individual and anyone else otherwise unaligned with the gender binary) should be just as free as every man to do whatever she damn well pleases, even if that means taking off her clothes for money (can't lie to you folks, I think about it from time to time as a means to pay back my significant college debt...this feminist consciousness ain't fo free) or otherwise commodifying herself, I also think that those choices are not made in a cultural vacuum and thus she is NOT "as free as a man" when she makes those decisions.

But this idea that feminism is about choice is very seductive because it simplifies things enormously. It is easy to pretend that feminism has served it's purpose that now woman can ostensibly choose more in their own lives.

However, as I said, feminism isn't just about choice. For me, living my feminism means responsibility. It's not sexy, it's not fun, but it's a real gift to be able to take more direction, to refuse to let yourself be victimized (when you can). Obviously, there are situations in which you are not at all responsible (rape, sexual assault, and the wage gap come to mind) but you do have the power to take action and work to change those things, through raising awareness, activism, legislation, etc.

Feminism in action can manifest itself in much smaller, daily ways too, responsible sex being a primary one. Yes, you could choose to not use birth control or to forgo condoms (male or female) during casual sex. But then you set yourself up to be a victim of an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. While no form of protection is totally effective all of the time and clearly no one wants herpes or a child while they're in college and eatin' ramen, to not take advantage of the tools at your disposal (free condoms, Planned Parenthood) is, to me, showing a lack of respect for yourself. Take pride in keeping yourself safe! Margaret Sanger fought hard for your right to do so, so revel in it, ladies.

And this responsibility of being a strong, empowered woman extends to all arenas of your life. Do your own taxes. Get tested regularly for STDs (on that note, GET YOUR DAMN PELVIC EXAM). Understand your turn ons, and take responsibility for your enjoyment sexually, whatever that means for you. Balance your checkbook. Know how to change a tire and check your oil. Pay your own bills. To put yourself at the mercy of someone else, be it a man or a woman or your parents, and to expect their help sets you up to be incapable of standing on your own two feet when you need to, and trust me, one day you will need to.

Perhaps some of these views are more indicative of my lower middle class upbringing (full of "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" BS) than my feminism, but I see them as complimentary. Both tout an idea of taking care of yourself as best you can, not needing to rely on someone else for help. While there are greater forces at work that oppress lower class people and women (just a few examples: classicism, sexism, patriarchy, absurdly low minimum wage, etc) and to ignore them would be both revisionist history and ignorant, there are things within your control in your life and, for me, taking full control of those aspects of my life has been deeply empowering. I have the right to own a checking account and my own property (the sum total of which is my books and my 1990 Accord named Melvin, but they're all mine) and to ensure my sexual health, and those are all beautiful things. Embrace them!

Much love,
The Albright Sheriff